So here it is. The final issue of Salient ‘11. To mark the occasion, we have increased the pages, and made the paper worse. We like to think that we’re expressing a moral about clouds and silver linings: you get more Salient, but on inferior paper. But really, newsprint was the only way we could afford to bring you all 72 content-packed pages of this, our Summer Reader—a handy chunk of culture to get you through the coming four-and-a-half-month Salient void.

We don’t expect you, our dear readers, to feel as sentimental about the end of this era as we do, but it’s an appropriate time to reflect on the past year. We took over as co-editors of this fine rag on 1 February. Now, over eight months later, exhausted and unwashed, we pause to reflect on our life choices.

How would our 2011 have been different had we not taken on this job? Eight months is a long time. In eight months, Uther could have taken in all existing Doctor Who media—and still he would have been really disappointed by how fucking obvious every reveal in The Wedding of River Song was. If she wasn’t on at least two forms of contraception at any given moment, Elle could (almost) have had a baby. Would these have been more worthwhile uses of our time? Would we have had more sleep, more money, more of a social life?

In all honesty, Uther and Elle have had a baby… he’s called Giancarlo Riccardo Salizzo. Not really.* But editing Salient is much like being a parent. The frustration, the stress. The sleepless nights. The horse semen. The takeaways. The alienation of our friends. The dissolution of our social lives. The listening to ‘Like a G6’ on repeat. The only difference is that, had she been pregnant, Elle wouldn’t have drunk so much… right?

Salient has been our child for the best part of the year. The great thing is, now we get to chuck him into the unexpecting arms of Allie Emaneas and strut into the distance without a backward glance. This isn’t intended to be seen as a whine about how difficult our job has been—more a commentary on the commitment that is coming to an end and the lessons we’ve learned in the hotseat—which is to say, a lot.

We have learned that people by and large refuse to abide by the adage ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’. We have learned that sometimes people are happy to do the most tedious of tasks for no other reason than to help a friend out. We have learned that the most economical time to drink at The Hunter Lounge is between 5pm and 7pm, when Castlepoint is on the cheap.

For all the sleeplessness and human shit, we have had a great year. We surpassed 2000 Likes on Facebook. We won the only ASPA award we cared about (best cartoonist for Dinocop). We strengthened ties between Salient and VUWSA and the University. Faces to Deface made an appearance in nexus as ‘Mugs to Meddle With’. We finally caught on to Issuu. We covered protests, programme cuts, change proposals, VSM. We scooped Stuff.co.nz on the fact that Garth McVicar had not in fact written his own book. We had mainstream media outlets hanging on our every YouTube upload. We remixed a VUWSA candidate’s video rant in a dubstep hit. We revitalised SalientTV with hilarious results. We published Dinocop, the finest piece of narrative fiction since Ulysses. We took on Werner Erhard and Landmark Education and… lost. We live-Tweeted the shit out of #everything.

Most of our successes would not have been possible were it not for the wonderful, dedicated team of people we have surrounding us. To list every person who has made this year’s Salient possible would make these pages little more than a six-point text wall of names, so take it that if you’ve seen someone’s work printed in the magazine this year, chances are that they’re a good cunt.

There is, of course, one person without whom this magazine would literally not have come out each Monday. Designer Dan—you have been an island of calm in a turbulent ocean of hysteria. For as much as we whine about how stressed and busy we are, your job is considerably more demanding than ours, but you haven’t let on once. You took our ideas, filtered out the shit, and turned out a good-looking mag every week without fail. And for that, what’s left of our sanity thanks you.

Also worth a shout out are the people who contributed to Salient for the first time this year. Thanks for getting on board, and thanks for listening to our feedback: the most rewarding part of our job this year has been seeing you grow. Like flowers. You’ve all come a long way, and we urge you to continue contributing to this organ of student opinion. You carry the bright distant future fireworks in your eyes.

Oh, and Asher and Ollie—you might find it harder to make a baby, but best of luck. We’re obviously going to be a hard act to follow, but you’ll do fine. Just never cut letters to anything less than two pages and don’t publish comics that don’t have jokes. Because, let us tell ya, our readers? They like writing letters about how angry non-comedic comics make them.

Now. Go. Have a summer. But not before you catch up on eleven weeks’ worth of learning in time for exams.

When we edit we do it right (gettin’ slizzard),

Uther Dean (the Mark) & Elle Hunt (the Jezza)

*It’s called Stella Blake-Killer.

I hope you have all been looking after yourselves through this full-on time!

This last half of the trimester has flown by and it seems bizarre that the end of 2011 is fast approaching.

This has been an interesting year at VUWSA, I loved having the opportunity to represent students and to be part of something so important. VSM is going to pose many issues for VUWSA next year and it makes me sad that after all the hard work of our executive and those before us, many of the valuable services are at risk. VUWSA will be in fantastic hands next year with the delightful Bridie Hood as President. She has the skills, passion and drive that will ensure that students aren’t disadvantaged by VSM. If you want strong representation, student welfare services and a social atmosphere on campus next year, then I urge all of you that are enrolling to sign up to VUWSA and to encourage your friends to do the same.

I am both excited to be finishing my degree this trimester and joining the big bad world of full-time employment, and sad that I will be leaving Vic. I hope that all of the students finishing this year are getting super excited for graduating and will be getting ready to start another adventure, be it work, travel or further study. Whatever you are choosing to do I wish you all the very best!
Yay future!
Jen

The Muldoon era provoked withering confidence in the New Zealand Government, and led the Labour Party to campaign in both 1981 and 1984 on a commitment to review our electoral system. Winning in 1984, the Fourth Labour Government kept their election promise, and set up a Royal Commission on the Electoral System in early 1985.

The Royal Commission recommended New Zealand switch to the German-style MMP system. However, despite remaining at the forefront of subsequent election campaigns, little action was taken on the recommendation. By the early 1990s when the National Government finally agreed to hold an indicative referendum, the public had endured ‘elective dictatorship’ not only under both Muldoon and the blitzkrieg structural adjustments of the Fourth Labour Government, but also under the Bolger administration, whose first term was characterised by a raft of broken election promises.

While only 55 per cent of voters took part in this first indicative referendum, 85 per cent of those voted for change, with MMP emerging as the preferred system. Labour leader Mike Moore commented at the time: “The people didn’t speak on Saturday. They screamed.”

The second, binding referendum was held in conjunction with the 1993 general election, and following a bitter campaign, the election saw an 85 per cent turnout, with MMP narrowly emerging as the favoured system for future elections.

Despite the ‘politics-free zone’ mandated by the Rugby World Cup, the lead-up to the November 26 referendum is likely to be characterized by an equally bitter campaign.
The arguments for and against MMP were fleshed out in the previous issue of Salient. However, the referendum asks two questions of voters and while last week’s discussion might help you to determine whether you think we should retain MMP or not, the second question offers four alternatives to choose between whether or not you think MMP should be replaced.

First Past The Post

Under FPP, voters choose only between candidates for their own electorate. The benefit of this is that all MPs are directly accountable to a geographic community, and represent their interests in Parliament.
Third parties, who enjoy even distribution of support across geographical constituencies, but lack majority support in any particular electorate are thus under-represented. This was clearly evident in the 1981 election where the Social Credit Party won over 20 per cent of the popular vote, but only saw a 2.2 per cent share of the seats in Parliament.
Moreover, because candidates are elected by a plurality, this can lead to discrepancies in resulting representation from the major parties. Indeed, again in 1981 the National Party won the election having been rewarded with 51.1 percent of the seats in Parliament, for 38.8 percent of the vote, while the Labour Party who had received over four thousand more votes than National, was disproportionately awarded only 46.7 per cent of the seats.

Thus, while the FPP system makes for strong and efficient government in that a single party usually has majority control of Parliament, the legitimacy of the government is undermined as the ruling party may only enjoy minority support. More concerning is an electoral system that results in majority Government under the Westminster model’s fusion of the executive and the legislature. With no effective checks on executive power, this led to a situation whereby Muldoon recognized he could dream up a policy in the morning, draw it up in the afternoon, and have it passed into law that evening. A return to FPP with no alternative checks and balances would see the same result.

Finally, FPP leads to seriously disproportionate representation from a demographic standpoint. As Dr Jon Johansson points out, since 1996 MMP has indisputably led to a far more representative Parliament. “In our last FPP parliament only seven of its members were Maori and some 22 per cent females. After the 2008 election 14.75 per cent of parliament’s members are Maori, and women, for the second consecutive election, represent 32 per cent of House members—not a perfect fit with our demographics, but considerable progress.”

Preferential Voting

Preferential voting (PV), otherwise known as the Alternative-Vote (AV), is the system currently used to elect the Australia House of Representatives. Voters rank candidates in order of preference, rather than just voting for one. If no candidate receives a majority of the vote, the candidate with the least number of first preferences is eliminated, and the votes for that candidate are redistributed according to the voter’s second preference, until one candidate emerges with a majority.

The system is seen as fairer than the FPP system, because even though Parliament is still elected wholly via constituencies, the issue around wasted votes is largely rectified. However, while somewhat ameliorating the level of distortion that sees a party awarded a disproportionate number of seats in Parliament relative to their share of the popular vote under the FPP system, under PV this would endure, albeit to a lesser degree. Of course, the focus solely on electorate representation that would mean that minor party representation would be minimal. For example, despite currently being the third-largest party in Parliament, The Greens as they stand would fail to gain any representation under PV.

Supplementary Member

Supplementary Member (SM) is a semi-proportional system. The system works much the same way as MMP, but with significantly less proportionate results. Ninety seats are contestable via single member constituencies as in FPP, and the remaining thirty would be elected via party lists.

Professors Stephen Levine and Nigel Roberts have analysed election data, and have determined that based on the last five elections, SM would have see a disproportionality of 9.54 per cent. This figure is much closer to the 13.56 per cent that would have resulted under FPP than it is to the very proportional MMP system, which has a disproportionality index of only 2.98 per cent across those elections. Thus, despite being marketed as a middle-ground system, the disproportionality of SM puts it much closer to the majoritarian FPP system.

The key problem with the system, is that despite retaining a level of proportionality, the overwhelming electorate-focus of SM is likely to sideline most minor parties, running the risk of seeing a single-party majority, or a solitary minor party that wags the dog to a far greater extent than any of the current minor parties do.

Single Transferable Vote

The Single Transferable Vote (STV) offers the best alternative to MMP in terms of proportionality, although it can still only be defined as semi-proportional. Under STV, a candidate must achieve an established quota of votes to be elected. Candidates are eliminated sequentially and their votes are transferred to other candidates, with the candidate eliminated at each stage generally being the one with the fewest current votes.

While the STV system does see minor party representation, it’s preferential nature means it remains less proportional than MMP. Furthermore, under STV, each electorate has more than one MP. A key flaw in this is that the system sees candidates from the same party competing for votes, and as such, personal interests can undermine the stability and cohesion of political parties. Nevertheless, STV is the most preferable option after MMP, in terms of retaining a check on executive power.

Strategy in 2011

It’s should be obvious by now that I am a staunch advocate for retaining MMP, and for those of us committed to MMP, it is important to consider a strategic vote in the referendum.

At present, opposition to MMP is split into two camps: older voters who reminisce over the ‘good old days’ of FPP, and those who champion SM. Those who vote to retain MMP would be best served by a vote for STV out of the four alternatives. With opinion split between FPP and SM among those voting for change, even if change is narrowly favoured, if all those who support MMP choose STV, then that option could potentially beat out the far less proportional FPP and SM options. Therefore, in a second binding referendum where MMP was pitted against STV, it would at least be a proportional system versus a (slightly less) proportional system, meaning that the benefits of MMP would not be lost with change. Moreover, if STV was the alternative, the concerns of the anti-MMP crowd wouldn’t be addressed anyway, and their campaign would likely wither.

Whether or not your support MMP or one of the alternative options, the referendum on the electoral system is the most important decision New Zealanders have faced in 18 years. Even if you’re entirely ambivalent toward the General Election result, which already seems a foregone conclusion, every eligible student on this campus should research the electoral system options, make a decision and vote in 2011 referendum.

On 2 September the Supreme Court announced their decision in Hamed v R. Appearing before the Court were members of the Tuhoe ‘terrorist’ cells that had been training in the Ureweras. They had been arrested and charged with firearms offences after earlier charges of terrorist activity under the Terrorism Suppression Act had been dropped.
At issue was whether secretly filmed evidence by the police was admissible. It is a fundamental rule of our criminal justice system that the evidence used to convict someone has to be properly obtained. The police cannot obtain evidence contrary to law. For the public to have any confidence in the performance of the police, evidence must be gathered properly.

In Hamed the appellants claimed that the video evidence used against them was obtained by the police illegally as their search warrants did not give them the power to covertly film the group’s actions. The Supreme Court’s decision is lengthy, and true to form every Judge had their own drum to beat. However the result was that at least in relation to the more minor offences, the police had acted unlawfully. As a consequence the evidence could not be admitted at trial.

Up to this point the Rule of Law was clearly being followed. The Police, as agents of the Crown, had acted outside of the legal authority that Parliament had given them, and the Courts had rightly slapped them down. This was the Rule of Law in action, performing as a check on the unfettered power of the State.

However, it was what the Government did next that raised the hackles of many. The result of the case threw doubt on similar video evidence being used in other trials. Embarrassingly, even though the police knew what they were doing was illegal, they had done it anyway. Many cases (most probably serious drugs trials) relied on illegal evidence. The Crown needed a solution, and fast.

On 27 September the Government introduced the Video Camera Surveillance (Temporary Measures) Bill and announced that it would be passed under urgency. It’s often said that “haste is the enemy of good law making “, and this time it was certainly true. The bill was a constitutional travesty. There were many problems—as academics Dean Knight from Victoria and Andrew Geddis from Otago quickly pointed out—but the biggest outrage was the bill’s attempt to retrospectively validate the actions of the police.
It is a fundamental feature of the Rule of Law that the Government should never reach back in time and punish us for things that were not originally illegal. What the bill was attempting to do was a variant of this. By reaching back in time and approving of police conduct that was not originally lawful, the Government was acting contrary to the Rule of Law. They were also handing the police a free pass, trampling on the rights of defendants in the process.

However, the Government was not expecting what was to happen over the next three days. Every political party (except National) panned the bill, demanding that it go to Select Committee. Realising they didn’t have the numbers, National relented. In the space of 24 hours, the Select Committee received over 438 submissions on the bill. All of them, bar one, were opposed. Interestingly, many submissions came from law students, aghast at the Government’s attempt to change the law so arrogantly. As a consequence of these submissions and changes suggested by the Labour Party, the bill was significantly watered down and no longer breaches the Rule of Law as egregiously.

The controversy over the Video Camera Surveillance (Temporary Measures) Bill tells us something interesting. On the one hand it demonstrates the danger of government when it does not abide by our fundamental constitutional principles. But on the other it also demonstrates the strength of our political constitution. New Zealand’s constitution is unwritten; this means it is flexible but it is also more delicate. Checks on the power of government rely on the constant activism of impassioned individuals.

This is my last week at law school after nearly six years of study. In all honesty I leave with a heavy heart. But I go buoyed by the fact that as this Bill demonstrates, law school is a place that creates citizens who care deeply about their constitution, their government and their country. And in a society where the Rule of Law is so fragile, I can’t think of anything more valuable.

More to the point, you’ve probably already judged me based upon that meagre selection of things, and (disregarding the fact I’m writing Bent) your ‘gaydar’ might be beeping to hell and back. How many straight dudes own a Justin Bieber biography? How many love Beyoncé enough to add the accent to the ‘e’? How many manage to fit the word ‘Beyoncé’ four times total into the first two paragraphs of any given column? To quote a New Zealand hip-hop great: not many, if any.

Ignore, for the moment, my predilection for referencing Scribe, and my embracing of what are probably the less refined elements of camp, and you’ll see this whole thing was just an awkward segue into Bent’s final, random romp of the year: gaydars (vaguely).

A portmanteau of “gay” and “radar”, for those not in the know, ‘gaydar’ is the ability of people to assess the sexual orientations of others. The assessments are based upon non-verbal clues, including oft-stereotypical tastes, styles, social behaviours and mannerisms. But, as explained by hilarious homo Hannah Hart, of YouTube’s My Drunk Kitchen webseries, things are becoming less black-and-white: “with the advent of hipsters, us homos are in constant states of camouflage … I can just never tell anymore, and probably never again.”

Indeed, we’re continually seeing what were previously telltale signs of queerdom converting suddenly into mainstream fashion. Dudes are shamelessly wearing loafers sans-socks. Radical undercuts abound. Girls are shaving the sides of their heads and piercing their tongues ad nauseam. Frankly, all this hoohah is causing confusion for some still reliant on their gaydars in the proverbial playing field.

But I can’t have my cake and eat it too. It’s excellent that we’re progressing towards a society where people nonchalantly push the envelopes of gender and sexual expression, entirely without concern for their genders or sexualities. We’re becoming less prejudiced, as a big, swirling mass of people, and even if hipsters are fucking with my gaydar, I shan’t complain.

I take comfort knowing that I’ve been lucky enough to grow up in the 1990s. Previous generations of queers were oppressed for merely expressing the fact that they were up for a bit of same-sex coitus—something as simple as an earring in the left or right ear, or a handkerchief in the back pocket. A secret fashion fuck-me code. Gaydars, I suppose, come from a place of necessity in the past. But are they redundant now?

Well, stereotyping is not an entirely redundant way of identifying who might be homo. For example—it’s pretty reasonable to get involved with musical theatre if you’re looking for a hotbed of gays. Or student politics/Young Labour, for that matter. Heading down to the Roller Derby will probably find you a few more lesbians than going to the rugby (but only by a few). Everything’s changed; so what can we do now to find queers in a crowd?

We can talk about our sexualities. This is homosexuality in the 21st century, after all. Stereotyping is so 1997. It’s no longer necessary to adhere to a particular code of fashion, involve yourself with a particular group, or perform particular social mannerisms in an effort to get laid. Sexual empowerment doesn’t simply mean to live out your sexual identity as flamingly as possible, but to do so, rather, in whatever manner that suits you.

PS: come to the UniQ Formal at Club Ivy this Friday—check the notices section for more details. And remember Bent’s advice until we return next year: go forth, flirt shamelessly, and pash some babes. <3 *

Nonetheless, we’re left with a group of completely expected quarter-finalists, and the greatest upset of the tournament will be if the favourites don’t win.

Yes, the likes of Tonga can hold their heads very high. Beating a top-tier nation is no mean feat. But that’s exactly the issue. At a World Cup of 20 teams, effectively 12 are there to simply make up the numbers. I daresay the Rugby World Cup is the only one that large in world sport with so high a concentration of second-tier teams—each with effectively the same chance of advancing. Zero.

And with future World Cups surrounded with doubt (with the All Blacks still to commit to future tournaments), the IRB has to do something big, and fast, to improve the global game.

One option is to hold a 16-team ‘second tier championship’ between World Cups. Exclude the top eight to ten rugby nations and host it in a second-tier country. Sure, it would take a bit of money to get it across the line, but in the long run it would develop the quality and exposure of lower-ranked teams more consistently than just their quadrennial media boom. Imagine, for example, Samoa lining up against Scotland in Suva for the final, and what it would do for the Samoan game. It builds the competitiveness of the Rugby World Cup too, another plus for the IRB.

I’m not proposing we take away from the prestige of the World Cup. And I’m not saying we take anything away from the sides who are the rest of the best, rather than the best of the rest. But it’s a move like this that could do wonders for the IRB.

It’s not to say that there is no value in second-tier nations’ appearance at the World Cup. They’re given a go on the biggest stage and are rewarded for finishing high in their pool. But criticisms have been made by lower ranked teams (namely Samoa) about their unjust treatment at the World Cup.

And how much more exciting would a Rugby World Cup be if there was not one but three, ‘pools of death’? Some of the top matches in the group stage of this tournament have been those between Scotland, Argentina and England. As the tournament entered its knockout phase, we’re sure to be given games of similar intensity. But that’s only for those sides able to make it that far. And in my opinion, the second-tier sides are a long, long way from making the quarter-finals. The current format is only making it tougher.

Rugby has taken a huge foothold in its traditional strongholds. The game is firmly ingrained in the Kiwi, English, Australian and South African sporting ethos. But the IRB needs to make a big move in developing the game globally. Whether it’s another world trophy event or otherwise, it needs to happen soon, because the lack of depth at the World Cup is already there.

And bollocks to what the IRB says. If the NZRFU followed through on its threats, a World Cup without the All Blacks in 2015 would be, no doubt, a shambles.

Local breweries which have been showcasing these hops have had to disappoint customers, with the likes of Epic revealing that Hop Zombie will not return until possibly 2013, and Tuatara’s wildly successful APA (American Pale Ale) being switched to Aotearoa Pale Ale.

After a lower than normal yielding crop and the loss of several million dollars’ worth of hops in warehouse fires, American breweries began pre-purchasing hops before they’d been grown, reducing the volume available for export to near zero for the more popular varieties.

But if you’ve recently discovered the holy grail of beer that is the American hop, all is not lost. Happily, the US breweries which still have access to their locally grown crops, have recently seen increased distribution amongst Wellington beer bars.

Malthouse have acquired whole kegs of beautiful hoppy American IPA’s. Recently they had the hoppy grail that is Firestone Walker Union Jack IPA (7.5%) flowing, which showed IPA can still be shipped across the world and taste great—as it was originally designed to do. While some slight oxidation was present, the rich malt and massive hop character greatly outweighed this. For the quarter finals this weekend, Malty is putting on Brewdog Hardcore IPA, which may be Scottish but contains no less than three US hop varieties, so get in there and get some while you can.

The west coast of the states is most famous for making hop-focussed beers, so much to the point where a style of IPA has been named after it. Among one of the many beers imported from the states by local beer bar Hashigo Zake is Green Flash West Coast IPA (7.3%) from San Diego. It’s straight to the point in its naming and also its flavour: this one’s all about the hops. Intense grassy hops hit your nose before your tongue is assaulted by 95IBU of bitterness (that’s a lot), balanced slightly by a fruity hop twang.

If big bitterness and intense flavours aren’t your thing, try a Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA (7%), this one’s got balance down pat. You’ll get the tropical fruit bark, but there’s no bite here. A wonderfully rich, biscuity malt tempers the huge amount of hops used, which make their presence known with a tropical fruit flavour which keeps you coming back. While these gems are imported by Hashigo Zake, they’ve found their way to The Hop Garden, Little Beer Quarter and Bar Edward in both bottle and tap form.

Well, that’s me for 2011. I hope I’ve helped someone out there achieve their beer epiphany leading them to the road of tasty beer goodness. If you’ve got any beery questions over the break feel free to tweet me @davethebeerguy.
Might see ya next year—stay beery Vic.

Surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. Cut the shitty, negative, time-sucking people out of your life. Think about distancing yourself from those you’re a little too eager to impress.

Stop smoking. It’s an awful sign of weak character and it’s fucking expensive. You can stop smoking pretty easily if you just decide that you want to do it. All your previous attempts failed because you didn’t really want to, you just thought you should. You need to want to be a non-smoker.

Count your lucky stars. I had a friend called Catholic Carol, who would admonish me when I was whinging too much and then make me recount all the things I was thankful for in my life. It irritated me, but it helped me put things into perspective and remember how lucky I was to have what I have.

Have a laugh at yourself. You’re ridiculous. Look at that funny nose on your face. And don’t get me started on genitals and falling over in public. You’re a beautiful, unique person, but don’t take yourself too seriously.

Go dancing. Or something else that makes you feel good. I’m not a great dancer, but it makes me feel fucking good to shake my arse to ‘80s music. Find that thing that you can go do with your friends that doesn’t require money, booze or travel. Life’s hard and sometimes you don’t have any of those things but still need something to pick up your spirits.
Take calculated risks. There may come a point in your life when you realise the full consequences of everything you do and say, and aware of how fucked life is, and you are so worried and anxious about it all that you stop leaving the house. So I’m told. You have to keep taking risks, otherwise life stalls. Not stupid risks like you did when you were 16, but calculated ones. Think it through, are your worst-case scenarios that realistic? Sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn’t. But you gotta keep going.

Back yourself. The most amazing and successful people I know are the ones who thought they could do it, and also convinced everyone else of the fact. Even if you’re faking it, confidence pays off.

Get to know your parents. They’re going to die one day. Gulp. Best you emotionally prepare yourself for the fact now. But in the meantime, quit your secretive teen angst act and talk to them like people. Find out about all the stuff that’s happened in their life, all the dirty family secrets, what their opinions are on stuff, what you were like as a kid, what they were like as parents, everything that you won’t be able to find out once they’re gone.

Find a job you’rE happy in, and then figure out what to do with it. For the first couple of years out of uni, you’ll just be stoked you have a job. Cash, whoop! But after that you have to look critically at it and think, can I be happy doing this day and day out for the next five to ten years? If you’re suffering in it, do something about it. Don’t just sit there whinging. Work is a hard reality of life, but it doesn’t have to cause dread and angst every time you wake up and have to go there. You deserve to be one of the people who think their job is awesome.

Learn from your mistakes. There will be many of them. Just try not to repeat them.
Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think. Love Auntie Sharon.

Time is of the essence: please try to schedule a travel health appointment two months before your departure date. This is necessary as some travel immunisations take a few weeks before they are able to provide you with protection against infection. However, even if you are leaving in one or two weeks it is still recommended that you discuss your plans with a doctor. This is particularly relevant if you are travelling to a high risk area, for example parts of South East Asia and India, both of which are popular destinations for students.

Travel appointments with the doctor take thirty minutes and cost between $56.00 – 63.00. There will be additional charges for any immunisations the doctor may prescribe for you. It is important that that you are able to provide the doctor with your immunisation history. To obtain this information you may have to search for your Plunket Book or ask your family or your current and possibly your previous health centre. It is particularly helpful to know if you have had the following immunisations or diseases and when you had them:

- Tetanus\Diphtheria, Measles, Mumps and Rubella (MMR), Hepatitis B, Hepatitis A and Chicken pox.

- When you see the doctor tell them about your health history including if you have any allergies. If your doctor prescribes travel immunisations you will also require an appointment with a nurse. You can either arrange to have this appointment straight after seeing the doctor or return to see the nurse another day. Often you are able to receive all the immunisations you require in one visit. Some students may require two or three visits to complete the immunisation course prescribed for them.
The doctor will also provide you with: written information regarding food and water safety, malaria prevention and common infections experienced by tourists such as travellers’ diarrhoea; prescriptions for any regular medication you take and other medications such as oral replacement salts, antibiotics to treat diarrhoea and urinary tract infections, tablets to help reduce the risk of contracting malaria, condoms and the emergency contraceptive pill; and general safety advice including how to deal with jet lag, sexual health, safe air travel.

If you are planning to go diving during your trip it is also recommended that you schedule another appointment at the SHS with a doctor for a Diving Medical. It is important to remember that it is dangerous to dive before air travel. You will need to wait at least 12 to 24 hours before flying.

If you are travelling to South America or Africa, planning long term travel, or if you may require immunisations for Yellow Fever, Rabies or Japanese Encephalitis we recommend that you make an appointment at The Travel Doctor rather than the SHS. This is because the those vaccinations need to administered from a specialist travel clinic by authorised staff. The Travel Doctor is located in the Grand Arcade, 14-16 Willis Street, telephone 473 0991. The Travel Doctor offers a 10 per cent discount off products such as insect repellent and water purifying tablets for students with a current Victoria University Identification Card.

Dear Constance, I’ve always found it difficult to orgasm. A few years ago, I discovered the power (literally!) of vibrators. I’ve depended on them ever since, and I’ve numbed myself so much that it’s impossible for me to come manually. I’m single so it’s not a huge deal right now, but when I think about it I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I’ve ruined myself. Whenever I sleep with someone they always want me to come, and I can’t. Is there a way to fix me? Sadly yours, Buzzy Bee

You haven’t ruined yourself at all honeybee. A few months without the vibe and your funparts should adjust to gentler stimulation. That said, if it works for you it works for you. If your sexual partners are disappointed they can’t make you come, then consider involving your battery-operated friend. And go easy on yourself—if you like more intense stimulation, roll with it. You have nothing to be ashamed of: many other people rely on their vibes to get them off.

Yo, Ms. Cravings. I have a problem. Every time I have sex, I feel really gross and guilty afterwards, as if I’ve let my girlfriend down, myself down and my life is going nowhere. I’m definitely not asexual or even confused—I definitely like girls and I’m definitely attracted to my girlfriend. I usually figure sex will be a cool thing to do, but once it’s over I consistently feel depressed. Help plox—Peter Parker

Catholic guilt? No, sorry, I shouldn’t joke. We get pretty negative messages about sex and sexuality throughout our lives, and fucking is labelled (by terrifying idiots) as ‘dirty’ and ‘wrong’. This could be lingering somewhere in your brain and making you feel ashamed and unworthy. You could also be experiencing a comedown of all of the hormones that get released when you have sex, which creates a big downer that you interpret as guilt. Either way, if it is upsetting you, then you should do some soul-searching about your feelings on sex; if you have absorbed some puritanical attitudes, think about ways to shake them off. There is no harm in sharing that journey with a counsellor or close friend so that you can work on giving yourself permission to have a fucking good time.

As a 21-year-old male virgin, do you think I should wait for the right girl to come along or just get it out of the way and lose it?

I think that there’s no such thing as ‘the right girl’, but I do think that you should wait until you feel a connection with someone. Whether the connection is ‘I really want to start something important with this girl’ or ‘this girl is heaps of fun, and I like and trust her so let’s explore’, it’s up to you. You’ll know what feels right to you at the time. Don’t do it with someone you don’t really like, because who you had sex with for the first time should be something you’re proud to answer in drunken party truth-or-dare games for the rest of your life.

Do you think size matters? I mean penises and breasts.
No. You could have the world’s biggest cock and not know what to do with it. Or you could have the world’s tiniest cock and have learned interesting angles and pressure points (and to be really adept with your mouth). Likewise, breasts of all shapes and sizes are sexy and fun. Funbits are, on the whole, fun.

Could you do a better job than the Baracks and the Johns and the Julias? The Davids and the Manmohans and the Gurbangulys? When I first heard the question I thought: of course. Of course I could do better than that lot! Then I thought about it a little bit more and I realised that ruling the world would be miserable. You’d have to think about all kinds of depressing things all of the time like rubbish dumps and poverty and the army. Being the leader of the free world would be really fucking hard. Every world leader looks so exhausted all the time. Even John is looking a bit grey from the stress. So no thank you, I won’t be taking you up on your offer of world leadership anytime soon. Does turning the offer down due to hair-vanity make me more or less narcissistic?

I may have internalised this cougar-obsessed, youth-centric beauty culture that we live in but vanity doesn’t mean that a girl can’t dream. If I ruled New Zealand I would do heaps of good stuff . In my ideal scenario I wouldn’t be the Prime Minister and I wouldn’t have to deal with Parliament or legislation or any of that bollocks about fair and equal representation. I would be a benevolent dictator, improving things this way and that way and then paying somebody else to take care of the sewerage. I’d approve gay marriage, I’d encourage gay adoption and I’d take abortion out of the Crimes Act. I’d tax the rich and I’d lower the price of vegetables and I’d make counselling sessions free. Ally Garrett’s New Zealand would be like the Scandinavia of the South. I’d nanny the shit out of that state.

If I was your ruler, there’s something else that would be first on the agenda. Something that I would do to make our world a better place: I’d regulate curry spices. I would set up a Ministry of Curry that would regulate the difference between mild, medium and hot. I’d add in a couple of extra gradients as well, including a ‘not spicy at all’ and a ‘so spicy your tongue might fall out’. New Zealanders everywhere would thank me for a little bit more certainty in their daily lives. Ordering a ‘medium’ curry would no longer be the Russian Roulette of the food world—you don’t know whether you’re going to have a perfectly pleasant time or if it’s going to blow your head off.

Hang on, is it too late to enrol as a Prime Ministerial candidate? I’m sure that after reading this you’ll be voting for me raita away. I could just bhaji on in there and win the whole thing. Hey, Mr Key! Move over dhal-ing!

If you have enjoyed/enjoyed hating Ally’s writing this year you can read more of her work at iamoffendedbecause.blogspot.com. She is trying to brainstorm more curry puns to use on her blog but she’s coming up with naan.

Cake
225g butter soft but not melted
2 1/3 cups sugar
5 egg whites
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 cups flour
4 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
1 1/2 cups milk, zap in the microwave for 30 seconds
Red, blue and yellow food colouring, gels work best

You will need to bake 6 cakes from this recipe. I used three 22cm spring- loaded cake tins and reused them. Line the bottom with baking paper and grease the tin with butter. Preheat oven to 175 degrees Celsius. Sift dry ingredients (except sugar) into a bowl. In a large bowl cream the sugar and butter then add the egg whites and vanilla and beat to combine. Add milk and then flour mixture to the egg mixture until everything is combined. Split the cake mix between six bowls. Colour each bowl a different colour (you want them really bright). I made yellow, orange, red, green, blue and purple. Pour each colour into a cake tin and bake till firm to the touch (about 15mins).

Swiss butter cream frosting
9 egg whites
1 ¾ cups sugar
450g butter, soft but not melted
2 tsp lemon grated lemon rind
Cook the egg whites and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat, whisking constantly, until the sugar is completely dissolved then whip on high speed until room temp. On a medium speed, add the butter, bit by bit. After all the butter has been added, turn the mixer back to high speed and whip until it has come together, about five minutes. Add the extract.

Once cakes and cooled, sandwich them together in rainbow order with the Swiss butter frosting between each layer, coat the whole of the cake with the remaining frosting so it looks plain and white from the outside.

But it is a seductive and subtle point, this one. It’s not unknown for even highly intelligent people to simply accept this in some cases without much question, and nor is it a problem that is restricted to the sciences alone. It is pervasive reminder to us all to constantly be critically thinking, first of our own ideas and then of other people’s. For when we are not, we come up with wonderful little gems like this newspaper headline I found today on stuff: “Poor skills behind Aussie pay gap.”

This was a nice little article which reported on statistical research by NZIER. The researchers had measured how many people we have employed in what kinds of industries, and how productive they were on average. It then compared those figures to the same figures for Australia, which is a really good idea to get an understanding of what may drive the pay gap between ourselves and the Australians. One of the key findings of the report was that the NZ services sector* is 25 per cent less productive than the Aussie services sector. With more than 70 per cent of all New Zealand jobs being in the services sector, the report suggests the lack of productivity in this sector is a large factor in the pay gap. So far, so good!

Now the article takes a turn for the worse, drawing from a completely different report the fact that more than one million kiwi workers have only basic qualifications or worse. It also takes from this report the fact that jobs have been lost recently in manufacturing, and that hospitality (services) is gradually taking up those employees. And now, armed with those two facts the article declares: “One million poorly educated and trained workers are the cause of a growing income gap of more than $14,000 a year between Kiwi and Australian workers, a report says.” Wow, what a leap! Nowhere in the report is the pay gap blamed on one million poorly educated and trained workers. In fact, the report explicitly states that the combination of “quality of labour, capital, and management, and regulatory environment” is of the highest priority (personally I think the poor quality of management/leadership is a bigger part of this equation than the skill of workers). And yet, by linking these two facts together and unreasonably imposing causation between them, this article has turned a wonderful and insightful report into a simple attack on low skilled workers in the public eye! If I was one of the authors of this paper, I’d be up in arms trying to defend my report, but as I am but a magazine columnist, I will turn it into a lesson: Never, ever assume causation between two correlated facts. Never.

*the report just seemed to assume the reader would know what the ‘services’ sector was, but if you are anything like me you will have been wondering exactly what ‘services’ actually is. As best as I can tell, services includes: wholesale and retail, finance, and community services. It might possibly include transport, but does not include construction, manufacturing, agriculture, utilities or mining.

The official statistic, 82 per cent, is based on a study of 20,000 New Zealand residents who told researchers that in regards to Channel One News, 76 per cent of viewers prefer to watch the meteorology segment of the news, and in regards to Channel Three News a whopping 88 per cent prefer the weather to the sport.

Clam Graemy, one of 4200 Wellington residents who took part in the survey, was in the majority. “It’s not that I don’t like rugby, don’t get me wrong, I love the All Blacks, I’m going absolutely wild for the World Cup, like fucking mental for it, but what the hell is Three News on about? Some clumsy looking ham sandwich called Janet Smunt has won the Budapest Tiny Yellow Cars race? A Lithuanian juggling team came second at the sack-of-turd Commonwealth games somewhere in Estonia? Who gives a shit? But if it’s raining tomorrow I’m not going to wear my new suede boots to school! That’s good current affairs, that is!

“I will admit, I tuned in last weekend when it was announced that Dan Carter was out of the World Cup for good due to a groin injury, that’s a real shame for the ABs. I tell you what though, I wouldn’t mind giving that Carter a groin injury of a different sort! By which I mean that I would like to do a lot of sex on that handsome fellow!” Graemy offered winkingly, unprovoked.

The results from the survey have proven “very interesting, but entirely useless,” divulged KiwiPoll Director of Operations, Rosco Dandre. “We weren’t quite certain what the outcome was going to be, and we can’t really remember why we launched this whole investigation—you would’ve thought we’d write our thesis down when we started! Hah, but no. We didn’t, so, we don’t really know where to go from here.”

Other noteworthy yet unhelpful results from the survey include that: 75 per cent of all children aged 8-10 have never even heard the term ‘MMP’; 32 per cent of women aged 17-30 are ‘better at cards than team sports’; and a mindboggling 48 per cent of all Salient readers aren’t going to notice that the last paragraph of this article doesn’t have a proper

Article One of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) states that “all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” The UDHR lists a number of characteristics that cannot be used as a basis as a legitimate form of discrimination. These characteristics include, race, colour, sex, language and religion, however there is no specific mention of sexual orientation anywhere in the UDHR. The absence of a policy of non-discrimination based on sexual orientation in the UDHR, came about because at the time of drafting there was no visible movement for gay and lesbian rights anywhere in the world. Some argue that ‘sex’ includes sexual orientation, however this is not sufficient as although gender discrimination is related to sexual orientation discrimination, there are important differences between the two.

The lack of a consensus on gay rights means that many states feel it is okay to discriminate. For example Iran regularly executes gays and lesbians, Russia bans gay pride parades, describing them as “satanic”, and New Zealand denies two people that love each other the right to marry. Furthermore international criticism of Uganda’s “Kill the Gay Bill” prompted The Observer (one of Uganda’s leading newspapers) to state that homosexuality was not a human right while citing the UDHR. Across the world gays and lesbians are denied rights that are granted to everyone else.

There is still hope! This year a historic gay rights resolution was passed at the United Nations human rights council which expressed “grave concern at acts of violence and discrimination, in all regions of the world, committed against individuals because of their sexual orientation and gender identity”. Although this resolution is a step in the right direction, the UN has no mechanism to back up the resolution; it is therefore up to civil society to change these governments way. You can help in this process by coming along to the Legalise Love March for Equality on October 20. For more information visit legaliselove.org.nz

As many leave to go into the world, many will remain, and many more will join in on the coming journey. As reflections of the year pass, like the Wellington wind, we are reminded of the ups and downs, the challenges we faced together or alone, the people we have met through our time at university and the success we have sought. From first years to post-grads, one door is closing but others are opening. Through their time at university, many have found their place, their friends, relationships and their true ambition in life. Because of this we can stand anew, and proclaim:

It’s a new world—it’s a new start 
It’s alive with the beating of young hearts 
It’s a new day—it’s a new plan 
I’ve been waiting for you 
Here I am
-Bryan Adams, 2002

Bryan Adams’ lyrics seem appropriate, as for many of us it is indeed a new world and a new start. The job that awaits us around the corner, the flat we are moving into next year, and the trip overseas which is long overdue. It is a new start for all students, young and old. As Salient sees the sun set on 2011, there will come a time for the dawn of new beginnings. The world is just in waiting. Sure it says ‘the beating of young hearts’ but that doesn’t exclude the old. Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional. So as we reminisce over past events, we must not forget that the path lies ahead of us, not behind us. For all students, ones that are hopping off at this station and ones that are continuing the journey:

Whaia te iti kahuranga ki te tuahu koe me he maunga teitei.

Aim for the highest cloud so that if you miss it, you will hit a lofty mountain.

This next step in life can be like a circus: some acts will be terrible, and some will be sensational. It doesn’t matter what act life will hand to you, continue to aim high and achieve greatness in any endeavour you chose. From Ngāi Tauira to all tauira across Victoria University; your journey is not at an end, it’s simply the beginning of something new.

As we look forward to Wellington’s summer, we farewell another year of studying and, of course, Salient for a well-earned holiday.

Victoria University is a special institution. It’s more than a place where skills are learnt. It is a place where we develop how we think and how we analyse the challenges ahead; the ideas we exchange in the common rooms are just as important as in the classrooms; the friends we make can last a lifetime; and the experiences we share can change lives.
You are our Wellington ambassadors now, wherever you live.

With exams looming, perhaps there is little time to reflect­—but with many of you thinking about what courses to take next year or what careers to tackle, and how you might influence the local and global world.

In 2011, Wellington City embarked on a significant rethink of Wellington’s development toward 2040. Wellington is New Zealand’s most knowledge-intensive city—more of our jobs need a tertiary qualification than anywhere else in New Zealand, and at the heart of our strategy is a desire to make Wellington a smarter, greener Capital with a flourishing economy, especially in the digital and creative industries.

We are designing Wellington to be a connected city, a people-centred city, an eco-city and a city with a dynamic CBD. There will always be some paradoxes between short term outcomes and long term plans.

For those of you concluding your studies, congratulations, but for all of you studying in Wellington in 2011, thank you—you’re making a difference for the Capital’s future.

Celia Wade-Brown

Despite the fact that VUWSA’s failings were among the most-cited examples of why Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) should be introduced, Hardy, a former VUWSA President himself, seemed adamant that these awards, including a category for Best President, should go ahead.

“I wish they had awards for best students’ associations.”

Only just managing to hold back from commenting that, if such awards existed, VUWSA would lose every time, staff went on to speculate what the awards categories would be and who would be the winners.

Alongside the category of Best President, Best Pash, Most Expensive Scandal, Most Babein’ Executive Member, Most Timely President’s Columns and Best Attendance at Meetings were named as possible awards categories.

Although Salient staffers predicted that VUWSA would lose in nearly all of these categories, ‘Best Pash’ became hotly contested over the course of the final production night.
Former News Editor Molly McCarthy said that Max Hardy was “by far the best pasher on any exec. Ever.”

Current News Editor Stella Blake-Kelly disagreed and said that Otago University Students’ Association President Logan Edgar was the better kisser.

Co-Editor Elle Hunt, on the other hand, claimed that current VUWSA President Seamus Brady would undoubtedly be the Best Pash, despite having failed to lock lips with Brady at the student media awards ceremony.

“I just want him to come up [to the office] so I can pash him!” said an anxious Hunt, in anticipation of the president’s arrival to the Salient office.

The night ended with Hunt attempting to throw herself at Brady on the office couch, and, following her second rejection by Brady, threw her arms up in the air, screeching “I was rejected by Seamus Brady!”

Twenty-four columns later, not much has changed. Though my grandmother has come to understand (read: accept) that I’m actually doing something worthwhile (and planning on leaving Uni)—others still stare at me blankly. But I am still incredibly lucky to have been your VUWSA President for 2011.

If anyone had told me back at the start of 2008 when I was first elected as humble Education Officer B, that in 2011 I would be President, I would have told you to get a grip and stop being silly. But looking back, it is incredibly satisfying to see the progress VUWSA has made. I have seen it move from being an organisation quite rightly ridiculed by many as a dysfunctional embarrassment to once again being seen as a vital part of the University environment, actively improving the University for students. Most importantly, we have a positive outlook and we still have a way to go to reach our goals.

This has been a sustained effort from many people; no one person has made the difference or achieved change on their own, but I am proud to have been a part of it. Most of all it demonstrated the importance of electing competent people to represent us, and ensuring robust governance structures. I am proud to have been part of a bigger picture—a picture that spans 112 years.

There have been many highlights throughout my almost four years at VUWSA. Some were obvious—such as our great O Week and the opening of the refurbished Student Union Building, the Hunter Lounge, new meeting rooms and Mauri Ora. Others have been on a smaller scale, such as student reps getting solid wins for individuals or groups of students through policy and advocacy, personally giving out hundreds of food parcels and thousands of study week breakfast servings to students, raising important issues critical to student interests, and facilitating student opinion and input on important work, such as the Review of Undergraduate Education.

Voluntary Student Membership has dominated the many discussions about VUWSA this year. A key challenge for me and our Exec was to put VUWSA in a sustainable position. This now means that students are no longer guaranteed an independent student voice. Instead, we must work for it.

The fact is good universities have strong students’ associations which give students a strong collective voice from which we all benefit. Victoria gets this and the arrangements that we are moving towards should be pragmatic, simple, and transparent. However, we will need to work to retain a system based on independent student-led representation to which VUWSA is committed to.

A huge thanks needs to be given my long-suffering friends, the VUWSA Trust (notably Dave and Alistair), the VUWSA Executive, the student reps, alumni and staff—especially those who went above and beyond what was expected, the babes at Salient, Max and Conrad, the many University staff who, despite never agreeing on everything, always showed a commitment to partnership and to improving the University. But above all, thank you the students who helped make VUWSA and Vic what it is.
Thank you for having me.

You know what’s interesting is that I am starting to genuinely think some people don’t have fantasies or fetishes. Well, further than your ‘I like girls in sexy lingerie’ stock standards, and given that I have people with poop-happy boyfriends and garden nudists writing in to me, I feel like the stock standards probably don’t get enough attention. So I’m glad you wrote in.

I’m hesitant to give you tips and tricks because there are a million places like that, and frankly regular sex with your boyf should be just as important as the times when you decide to try something you saw in porn.

Your boyf might not have some deep longing for you to be bound in rope and ball-gagged, but he will have preferences. He will enjoy it when you dig your nails into his back a little bit when you’re fucking, or when you play with his balls while you’re giving him head. Whatever those little things might be, focus on them, and get him to focus on your little things. That way, even though you might not be having wild crazy sex—you’re having good sex.

Wild sex is awesome, but you don’t need that to have passion. Passion is exploring the other person, bouncing off their reactions and generally being in the moment focussed entirely on what’s feeling great. Build things up really, really slowly from teasing to full on fucking, and let him know when you’re enjoying it with some seriously vocal appreciation.  Build-up is so important—double the length of your foreplay, get him to wind you up with all of the things you like and refuse to fuck you until you’re gagging for it. And (if you have ladybits) until you are wet like a monsoon. Then by the time it’s P into V action, you’ll be so fucking into it you’re a little bit dizzy.

Let’s be honest though, when you’ve been with someone for a really long time, it’s not always going to be headboard clutching, heart pounding stuff. Getting into ruts that can last a really long time is super normal. Just ease yourself out of it with a renewed sense of interest in making him feel really good and taking your sweet time when you’re together, and I’m sure he will return the feeling. You say you love him, so make sure those moments really focus on that and how much you enjoy being with him. He’ll feel how much you’re into it, and hopefully give back. Which is pretty much the best thing we can all hope for when we get those moments alone. If it happens to go into wild territory because you really feel like being spanked that day then good for you, but work on the connection first and foremost.

Loves x

The billboards, which originally towered over Willis St, Courtenay Place and Lambton Quay, infringed a number of sections fundamental to the Public Places Advertising and Expression Act. Section 67(a) of the Act states that ‘no public advertising may contain racial, sexist, or religious slurs,’ a provision clearly contravened by a billboard boasting Grobertson’s face and the phrase, ‘What are we going to do with the Pakis? Vote Labor and help us decide.’

Wellington Pakistani Nationals Society President Asif Ali Zardari spoke out against the advertisement: ‘It was totally obscene, isn’t it? A completely abhorrent outburst from a party who we used to believe in and look to for support as immigrants. Besides, they should be more worried about the Koreans, they’re the ones stealing all our jobs.’
Other banned posters include: ‘National are losers. Kohn Jey is a pussy. Vote for a party that doesn’t all suck dick’ and ‘I’m Rant Grobertson and I have a Maori friend. Can Kohn Jey say that?’

Jey has since responded with official radio ads denouncing the offensive billboards as slander tactics, inappropriate for a democratic election in a liberal society like New Zealand. The ads also asserted that ‘Rant Grobertson is a useless prick who can’t play footy to save himself’.

These displays of political child’s play are not the first instances of squabbling between the two major parties. In 1978 during the lead-up to the general election, Sir Mubert Roldoon made a number of unsavoury television adverts. ‘Biwling’s a fancy boy and he wears ladies’ knickers. Don’t vote for a man who’d push over your mother and spit in your porridge given half the chance’ was a more memorable statement made by Roldoon in his ‘Keep The Poofters Out’ election campaign.

Roll Biwling, well known for an inability in coping with Roldoon’s aggressive style, crumbled under the pressure and released a press statement claiming that ‘You probably shouldn’t vote Labor, we are just a big stupid bunch of pansies,’ whilst weeping into his lilac-coloured hanky.

Congratulations to Elle and Uther and everyone else who has been involved this year for their triumph at the ASPAs. As VUWSA’s ‘official newspaper’, you can understand how delightfully chuffed we are with the achievements of Salient.

Last week Parliament passed the ACT Party’s VSM legislation. This should not have happened. Unfortunately students no longer have the ability to ensure that there is a mandated students’ association on their campus. There will be no choice for students on campuses where the institution decides it doesn’t want a students’ association holding them to account.

Vic students are however fortunate, because VUWSA will survive and will remain a strong voice for students here. It will be challenging, but we will continue to work to improve your academic experience and continue to provide you with great things here at Vic. VUWSA is working hard to ensure our sustainability in the new environment.

We have been working solidly with our Trust and the University for the last year to ensure that when VSM does arrive we will have positive, sustainable students’ association at Vic. It is not all sorted yet though, and we have been given very little time to prepare for reasons beyond our control. We will be looking to confirm both a new representative structure and a new funding model in the very near future – both of which you will be able to have your say on.

This would have happened soon, except the Government’s recently announced Student Services Levy regulations have put a spanner in the works. This will see a new round of consultation with students on what services should be funded. More details of this will be known in the coming week or two.

The VSM law passed last week will have to change. It ignores the views of students, institutions, NGOs and other groups of civil society. It does not understand the special nature of students’ associations and does not protect the interests of students. Every party except ACT and National have committed to repeal it and replace it with a more fair and rational alternative. NZUSA, the national students’ association, has begun its work ensuring the law is fixed in the future.

On a happier note, congratulations to Bridie Hood and the rest of the team elected for 2012. Bridie has performed exceptionally and achieved many things as Vice-President (Education) over the past two years and I have huge confidence that she do a brilliant job as President. She will also be supported by an extremely capable and talented Executive who will help guide VUWSA through what will be a challenging year. And thank you to everyone who took the time to give their thoughts on the proposed 2012-2015 Strategic Plan—this alongside plans for VUWSA in the new environment will put VUWSA in a strong position to continue to advance the interests of students for another 112 years.

Seamus Brady
PREZ

Fortunately, this deficiency of actual German beers was noticed by an enterprising local beer guy called Dave (a lot of beer guys are called Dave). He took it upon himself to import some good honest German beers.

Waldhaus Privatbrauerei is an ancient brewery in the heart of the Black Forest. Recently celebrating its 175th birthday, Waldhaus boasts some serious pedigree. They make a range of traditional styles, including two Pilsners. Diplom Pils (4.9%) is the beer that Steinlager wishes it was: straw coloured and crisp as a freshly printed five Euro note with a beautiful slightly grassy yet not skunky German hop character. On the other hand, Ohne Filter Extra Herb (4.9%) is the unfiltered, extra hopped version of Diplom. Don’t be put off by the cloudiness (remember, chunky bits are flavour): not filtering this beer rounds out the flavours and the extra hops gives it a little more bitter weightiness.

Almost every discussion of German beer usually harps on about Bavarian purity laws. I don’t want to get into all that now (that’s another column), except to say that it’s 99 per cent bollocks. Those laws were designed to stop the brewing of wheat beers. Thankfully, they failed and five hundred years later, we can enjoy Waldhaus Schwarzwald Weisse (5.6%). This is a deliciously yeasty brew, with all those subtle banana and clove characters that we’ve come to love. Or if you prefer, you can have a Schwarzwald Weisse Dunkel (also 5.6% and yes, that means ‘white dark’ in German). Similar to the Weisse, this beer has subtle dark caramel malt flavour edging into the mix.

Perhaps my favourite Waldhaus beer is the Radler. Some readers may remember the story of the DB/Green Man legal stoush. Without rehashing all that (searching ‘radler’ on any NZ news site will tell you all about it), this is a genuine trademark-infringing cyclist beer. Loosely similar to a shandy, it’s drier and more complex than dumping lemonade into tap lager and a hell of a lot better than the syrupy Monteith’s crap. At 2.7% it’s highly quaffable (or as I like to descibe it ‘choppable’) and won’t get you drunk. A 500ml bottle rarely lasts me more than fifteen minutes.

Waldhaus beers are available from Hop Garden, Hashigo Zake, Regional, Island Bay New World and a few other spots around town. Give it a go if you are feeling Germanic.

Clinicians and researchers around the world are identifying increasing numbers of people (including university students) with debilitating internet dependence as characterised by the following criteria (adapted from DSM IV Substance Dependence):

• Tolerance
• Withdrawal
• Using larger amounts over time than was intended
• Desire or unsuccessful attempts to cut down
• A great deal of time spent obtaining, using or withdrawing from it
• Social, occupational, academic and recreational activities are reduced
• Use continues despite negative effects

You can see from this list that there are some pretty predictable behaviours that human beings exhibit when we are becoming addicted to either a substance or a behaviour whether it be misusing alcohol or other drugs, or gambling, exercise or internet overuse. It’s all to do with our innate human desire for immediate gratification, to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. Nothing is wrong with that except that the reality of life is that we need to find ways to balance our lives and be both reasonably happy and productive. For students, this obviously involves being able to focus on studies, sleep more than occasionally and limit unhelpful behaviours and habits. Internet addiction and depression have a close relationship.

Here at the Counselling Service we get a steady and increasing number of students coming to talk to us about their internet use. This typically involves large and increasing amounts of time spent online and the resultant impact on sleep, ability to study, attend classes or complete assignments; ‘increased isolation’; feelings of irritability, shame, failure and unhappiness and an inability to change things. Porn addiction is increasing amongst the boys with the obvious social taboos about admitting to this preventing more students seeking help. It takes courage (and sometimes desperation) to confront this kind of issue, and the good news is that we can help.

So what to do if you think this might be you? Take the Internet Addiction Test and see if this indicates a problem: internetoveruse.com/wp-content/uploads/Internet-Addiction-Test.pdf . Make a time to come and talk to one of the counsellors and we will help you to make a plan to deal with this. Helpful action steps can include telling others, removing your internet access at home and building up the rest of your life. If it is not you, great, but continue to be mindful on how you use the internet and for what purpose.

When he appeared on Hard Talk and, in front of an international audience, sweepingly dismissed research brought before him by scientists from his own country, I felt colossally insulted. So I wonder what his reaction will be, if any, to the recent findings of the OECD international report on water quality? The OECD report echoed what our scientists have been saying about our water quality for a long time now—it’s getting worse, and the main cause is intensification of agriculture—particularly dairy. This comes at the same time as we hear of record breaking sales, profit, and payout to farmers from Fonterra, and growing discontent about the price of milk in New Zealand. People are going to be demanding answers pretty soon.

Personally, I am not overly concerned with the price of milk products in New Zealand. I don’t think it is unreasonable to be charged the same amount as people in other countries, at least as long as there is not too much speculation in milk. More interesting (and worrying) to me is the issue of managing our water resources. This is a difficult subject, because it mostly involves pollution that has been grandfathered into the system. In the past everyone took our water resources for granted and farmers would dispose of effluent in their local rivers. This didn’t create a problem because the rivers had (and still do have) a capacity to absorb and neutralise pollutants at a certain rate, and the level of dumping was below this rate. Now, however, we find ourselves in the situation where we have exceeded the natural capacity to neutralise pollutants. More are building up in the waterways and the health of these systems is dropping. Now something has to be done to clean them up. But, of course, no-one is keen to put their hand up and volunteer their own money to do the job.

There will be a tipping point anyway if we don’t intervene at all—farms also need a certain amount of clean water to run, and when that starts running out they will need to buy it or pay for it to be cleaned, which will hit their profits. Fonterra’s scientists know this too. I have spoken with one, and I know that they are putting a substantial amount of research into clean water. The results are good. For example, their newest processing plant is able to capture some 99 per cent of the pollutants instead of dumping them. But all the research in the world won’t help if there is no cost for failing to maintain the water quality. We must phase in a system to ensure that the users pay. I have also spoken to government economists and learned that there is a trial of a ‘pollutants market’ in a region near Rotorua to create this cost to farmers.

All in all, I think Fonterra are doing just fine. But it is not their job to create a system in which they pay for cleaning their water­­—it is the Government’s job. If we don’t then it amounts to a substantial subsidy granted to farmers, and as their record profits indicate, they certainly are not in need of handouts to survive. The fact that Fonterra are already working on solving the water supply problem shows insight and good faith on their part.

Both he and I (along with our flatmates) are crazy for beer. Our flat is its own boutique brewery, with fermenters bubbling away under our dining room table year-round and swappa crates filled with peanut butter porters and black IPAs. So understandably, I figured mixing baking with beer would be well appreciated. I certainly was not wrong.
Dark and roasty beers, like porters and stouts are well known to accompany chocolate fabulously. So it seemed like an easy match. After a little ‘research’ I found a recipe which I tweaked a little to create something to fit my purpose, a chocolate porter birthday cake. It’s crispy on the outside and dense and moist when you cut into it and that hint of porter will make your heart sing and your mouth water.

• 230g butter
• 1 cup of porter/stout
• 2/3 cup  of good quality cocoa power
• 20g 70% coco chocolate
• 2 cups  all-purpose flour
• 2 cups  sugar
• 1-1/4  teaspoons  baking soda
• 1/2  teaspoon  salt
• 1/2 cup sour cream or plain unsweetened yoghurt
• 2 eggs

Preheat oven to 175 degrees Celsius. Line the base of a medium-large sized, round cake tin with baking paper and then grease the sides with butter. Melt the butter, beer and chocolate in a pot on the stove, bring it to a light simmer and then stir in the cocoa powder until completely dissolved. Remove from the heat and let cool. Meanwhile, sift the dry ingredients into a large bowl. In a medium sized bowl, beat the eggs and sour cream/yoghurt until creamy and pale. Add the beer mixture to the dry ingredients and then mix to combine. Finally add the egg mixture and beat to combine. Pour into prepared cake tin and bake for approximately 45 minutes, or until a knife inserted into the centre comes out clean. I covered my cake with tin foil after about 30 minutes; this will stop the top from burning and keep in a bit of the moisture. When cool, frost with a chocolate butter cream frosting (add some more porter to it if you really love your beer) and serve with cream.

We all have some form of political belief. Our political beliefs are often influenced by the way we were brought up. They are inherently ideological, no matter where you sit on the political continuum, and if you have a strong sense of conviction, you are likely to be outspoken about them.

I am political. I like politics. There is something liberating about the charged nature of walking the halls of Parliament, about having a debate with someone and proving a point they may never had thought of before—or, on the flipside, being proven wrong .

When I work at VUWSA, I try to leave my politics at the door. Of course, my beliefs have an impact on how I choose to live out my life and what I bring to the table, but I believe that VUWSA is an apolitical organisation. What is most important to me when serving students is that I act, think, and speak as though I am a student. Of course I am a student, but the challenge is to remember that I am but one student in a sea of thousands. We are working toward the same goal, but each individual has different needs and wants as to how to achieve that goal.

The challenge that remains is that VUWSA finds ways to engage with students and discuss the issues at hand to make university life that much more bearable. Politics aside, I hope that I have in some way given enough time into engaging with students to understand what makes you tick. After all, this is your university and your learning environment is important to me and to VUWSA. We should protect what is most valuable by engaging in the issues and starting a dialogue to make this a better place for you and for me.

All the best for your upcoming exams and, for those who are going on “holiday” over summer, slip, slop, and slap. Stay safe and leave your beer goggles at home! Over and out!

1. Be supportive

When you’re a lesbot there are fewer opportunities to feel part of a community than there are for straight people, which is why LGBTQ spaces are so important. This is also why scissor sisters just love to support each other. Lesbians, bless their hearts, come out in droves to support Sapphic stand up comics, musicians and events. The success of roller derby can surely be 80 per cent attributed to the voracious way that the lesbian community really put their money where their mouth is (so to speak) and show up at the TSB Arena to buy beer and shout at hot women with formidable thigh muscles. Dyke camaraderie is also entirely responsible for the success of the L Word—a truly terrible television show with an average of three gaysexualist sex scenes per episode. As lacklustre as the show may be, I am yet to meet a lesbian who doesn’t own the box set. The lesson here is to support whatever it is you want to see more of in the world. Be generous. Donate money to the blog you love. Go and watch your friends playing sport. Volunteer at the film festival you don’t want to see disappear.

2. Use lubricant

Like that precocious red crab said in the Little Mermaid, darling it’s better down where it’s wetter, take it from me. If anything is being inserted anywhere: lubricate it. Liberally.

3. Resist drama

There are only so many clam diggers to pick and choose from and thus, the net of lesbian intimate relations is a sticky one, both figuratively and literally. The net is inescapable, because even when you move to London and you go to a gay bar called the Twat Boutique and you have an actual boutique of twats to choose from you will still end up going home with my girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend. As a muff diver, you just deal with this. I’ve held pot lucks where every vagitarian in the room has slept with everybody else. It’s not awkward, even though everyone has seen everybody else naked. We can all take a page out of the lesbian-book and learn from this. I’ve had heterosexual friends who have refused to attend parties because there is a chance their ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend might be there. Resist drama. Go to the party. Say hi. At the very least, you can compare notes on funny orgasm faces.

4. Marinate your tofu

I’ve eaten a lot of tofu in my life and the best stuff has always been cooked by lesbians. Marinate that shit for as long as possible.

As I write this, the House is preparing to pass the Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill through its third and final reading. Despite trenchant opposition from its critics, VSM has come to pass with barely a mutter or a murmur from the vast majority of students. What exactly this will mean for student politics in the years to come, I’m not sure.

But despite the pending doom, a surprising number of candidates opted to stand in the VUWSA general election last week. Although, as I write this, the rate of turnout is less than certain, early indications suggest it will probably be no less than in previous years. Civic engagement at Vic is not (quite) dead yet.

Still, it is worrying that almost a third of 18- to 24-year-olds are not yet enrolled to vote in the New Zealand General Election. I suspect apathy at the national level is inextricably linked to apathy on campus. Whereas once political rhetoric mobilised the masses, it seems to have the reverse effect these days.

Writing in Salient last week, Conrad Reyners argued that this insipid state of affairs could be attributed to the demise of ideology. We no longer see our political leaders as visionaries, he said; rather they have been reduced to mere managers of the status quo. What is needed, he reckons, is a resurgence of ideas. And it is difficult to disagree with him.

Historically, mind you, Kiwis have never had much time for theory or ideas. There is an exception to this rule, though. The 19th century French observer of NZ politics Siegfried summed up the psychology of our policy/political elite well: ‘they have, like all men of action, a contempt of theories; yet they are often captured by the first theory which turns up, if it is demonstrated to them with an appearance of logic’. Never be afraid to disagree with ‘conventional wisdom’.

However, rather than following Russell Norman’s cue in focusing on economic strategy, Brash instead turned his focus towards something that not even the Greens are prepared to discuss this year, demonstrating his lack of political instinct by blundering his way into the cannabis debate.

The move was plainly one made in desperation. Having taken the ACT leadership with optimistic projections of taking 15 per cent of the party vote, the Brash-led incarnation has consistently polled around 2 per cent; a figure that without the lifeline thrown to them in Epsom by National, would see the flailing Party delivered into the jaws of oblivion.
Then, after releasing the party list with its conspicuous third-place vacancy, deputy leader John Boscawen announces he’s out, apparently “to spend more time with his family”; time with whom he was willing to sacrifice just over a month ago when he accepted a place on the list.

So, there’s a deputy leader who has presumably seen the figures, done the maths, and fled; a consequent additional vacant spot at number two to accompany number three; and a Party that retains not one of its current MPs.

So Brash turns to weed.

To be sure, Brash clearly stated his intention when he took the leadership reins, to move ACT back towards its founding principles, of which individual freedom is paramount. Decriminalisation of cannabis, while reeking of populism, is certainly indicative of Brash pursuing that agenda. However, when such a policy comes out of the blue as it has, and is so at odds with Rodney Hide’s ‘tough on law and order’ approach that has come to define the ACT Party, one can only conclude that Brash momentarily forgot there was an election looming.

The fact is, ACT’s support isn’t based primarily in libertarian thought, at least as far as social policy is concerned. ACT the brand appealed to socially conservative and economic liberal right-wingers, and in this election at least, was best poised to siphon off that section of the National vote who felt the Government hadn’t gone far enough on the economy, law-and-order, and to a lesser extent, race.

And then there’s the fact that Brash failed to reveal his plans to John Banks; the manifestation of the leader’s only chance of getting back into Parliament this November. Banks, a strong social conservative and a more instinctual politician, was quick to repudiate the proposal realising that Epsom won’t buy into any policy that is ‘soft on drugs’ despite the arguments to be made for decriminalisation. The result has been an inconsistency in message that indicates ACT 2011 2.0 continues to be characterised by the same factionalism as the current parliamentary cohort.

There’s not one benefit to be had from Brash’s announcement. The Epsom crowd now see Brash as a supporter of decriminalisation. On the flipside, the libertarian crowd also won’t be fooled into believing that ACT would actually advocate decriminalisation in Parliament, especially an ACT Party with John Banks in it.

Is it all over then? There’s little chance in reviving the party under Brash now, and more than likely the way forward is now for Banks to roll Brash. Two leadership transitions in a year would be damaging for any party, but Banks still has the profile to win Epsom, and will be aided by that dirty little deal with National. Either way, ACT seems to be effectively finished. Banks is National in all but name and will no doubt fall in line with the rest of that party’s faithful.

The upshot is of course that New Zealand politics may now finally find itself entirely free of that intellectually bankrupt neoliberal septuagenarian cohort.

Dear Jeff,

Dr Quaffer here. Well, a grand can go quite far in South East Asia. It all depends on what you mean by “fun”. There are spots where you can fire an AK47 whilst getting a hand job for around US$20 and that usually does include at least one free drink. But it all comes down to what you enjoy.

While in Bangkok, I do recommend hitting the Forensics Museum. They have a wonderful collection of pickled bodies from Thai murders on display, as well as some elaborate tattooed skins stretched and back-lit after being removed from notable dead gangsters. Very entertaining stuff.

The first time I went to that part of the world I was young and up to party. If you’re keen on that, hit the islands! To writhe with other half-naked travelers under the winking gaze of a full moon to booming trance in an orgy of cheap booze, ecstasy and insect repellant has its merits.

If you’re up for lurking in a bit of jungle, maybe head south to Sumatra or Borneo. Both are very beautiful and easy to get to.

For a bit of old slack-jaw awe, Angkor Wat is the one. The ancient Khmer city is not just amazing Jeff, it is amazingly amazing. Also whilst in Cambodia maybe take a romantic stroll through the Killing Fields.

Head north to the Golden Triangle and smoke a bit of opium if you’re keen, then head east through Laos floating down the Mekong for scenic, rural bliss all the way to the Delta in Vietnam, or maybe head west and do a chaotic road trip to India.

My honest advice, Jeff, is to get off the plane and head for Khaosan Road, drop your bag off at a guest house and go out and sniff the air. Talking to other travellers who are doing the same as you will also inspire. No plans means freedom.

Travelling can be kind, cruel, fun and harrowing. You can be drinking top-shelf one minute then asked for money by a child-slave the next.

Jeff, just remember never carry drugs on you, always drink bottled water and if someone seems a little too friendly you are probably going to lose something.
But have a great time! Don’t be too careful, be a bit reckless, get amongst it, taste it.

Yours sincerely,
Dr. Quaffer, Head of The Virago Libation Front

These protests have been held by a group named ‘We are the University’. They oppose changes and cutbacks to a number of University departments, such as the School of Political Science and International Relations; reject voluntary student membership; and want to sack Pat Walsh. The main cause of grievance is a perceived lack of transparency and consultation between the University administration and the student body. This is fair.

The issue is, however, that the methods by which this group has expressed its views have been antagonistic. It has jeopardised the ability for any real progress to be made in reaching a workable solution between the University and students. Considering the emphasis ‘We are the University’ places on consultation, it is strange that they have ignored so many opportunities to engage with the University. They did not attend the special council meeting on tuition fees, nor did they address the Academic Board the day after their ‘occupy the University’ meeting in August. They have disrupted meetings rather than participated in them, preferring to write a vapid letter to Pat Walsh than make an evidence-based submission to the University. It is nonsense to complain that the consultation procedures are a “farce” when one hasn’t been bothered to engage with them. It almost seems the organisation is more interested in having protests than getting things done. That is disappointing.

Almost no attempt has been made to work alongside VUWSA and Salient, both of which are organisations better placed to ascertain the concerns of all students. VUWSA, for instance, has representatives in 94 per cent of classes. It was not until organisers Amanda Thomas and Sam Oldham responded separately to a published article last week that there was any attempt to begin a formal dialogue with students via Salient.

Nonetheless, ‘We are the University’ claims a mandate from the whole student body. This seems dubious considering their Wednesday meetings have consisted of around 30 people. Their Facebook page has around 200 ‘Likes’, and features threats of violent retribution directed at the Minister of Tertiary Education, Steven Joyce. It is heavy partisan undertones such as this, as well as counter-productive protests, that alienate a large portion of the student body who might otherwise agree with the group’s fundamental message. There are few better ways of antagonising the administration and undermining one’s cause than by storming the Hunter Building, sitting in the Vice-Chancellor’s office, and writing a list of ‘demands’. Perhaps ‘We are the University’ could better describe themselves as ‘We are the Medium-Sized Collective of Students Who Have a Reactionary Tendency Against Authority and a Predilection for Protest’. It doesn’t have the same ring to it, but at least it’s accurate.

The group’s repeated demands for the dismissal of Pat Walsh suggests that if the current Vice-Chancellor is removed from office, all of these problems will be solved. This is ignoring the wider pressures placed upon Pat Walsh and all tertiary providers throughout New Zealand. The budgets of tertiary institutions are increasingly limited by the current Government’s education policies—specifically, the Tertiary Education Commission’s capped funding scheme. The reality is that tertiary institutions have to strike an ever more difficult balance between fees and course offerings, and it is misdirected to blame this on one individual. Let’s be honest: there is no vast conspiracy in the administration to bring about the “death of tertiary education”. Compromise with regards to fee rises and restructuring is essential in the current tertiary funding environment. To achieve this, we need to begin a conversation with them, rather than shouting at them.

‘We are the University’ are right: without the students, the University is nothing. But if we do want the University to be more responsive to the desires of students, there are other more inclusive, more productive and more positive ways of doing so. We can do better.

Gracing the front page of the Dominion Post, Reverend Frank Nelson of Wellington’s Cathedral of Saint Paul shared his view that, in accordance with the painting, it is very likely that Jesus would be resurrected as an All Black.

“Central to Christian belief is the fact that God became a human being, he became a man.”

“We often call New Zealanders God’s own, so it would be completely logical that if Jesus did come back he would be an All Black.”

Nelson went on to even specify the position Jesus would play if he were to grace our presence as a rugby star.

“He’d have to be a scrum-half, he’s the one that puts the ball in, definitely.”

Just hours after this irrefutable argument hit the news stands, a rugby-mad Australian rushed into the cathedral to purchase the painting, by local artist Don Little, which had a price tag of $3,000. The final selling price of the piece is unknown, but the $1,000 share of the cathedral will be donated to the Taita Pomare touch rugby team.

A passer-by commented that it was more tasteful than other iconographic pieces, but thought that Jesus would be a front-rower, rather than a halfback.

“He had all the brains and was surrounded by tough guys.”

The painting will remain on display at the cathedral for the duration of the Rugby World Cup.

In the north-west of Poland, amongst a dense pine forest a small area is known as ‘Krzywy Las’. Although it sounds like an Icelandic volcano, this translates to ‘the crooked forest’. Here about 400 trees remarkably all have a 90 degree bend at the base of their trunks, then slowly curve back up, becoming vertical again. Due to the unique appearance of The Crooked Forest it is classed as one of Poland’s national monuments.

The trees were planted in the 1930’s and grew for seven to ten years before this bending occurred. However, this is all that is known about The Crooked Forest. Several theories exist attempting to explain the cause of this bizarre deformation. The most popular is that the trees were shaped this way by humans for use in boat or furniture building. Personally I prefer some of the other theories, such as the combination of snow and wind, WW2 tanks, angry birds aftermath or animal migration.

As a Māori girl coming from a small town, I know what people’s expectations are like. For Pākehā their opinion is usually the same and there always seems to be a one sided-story. If two are present however, one will always lose out. Sometimes what is needed is a third-party perspective. So after moving to the big city I noticed how many people just need that one chance to make their big break.

These days it is like you need a degree to pump your gas. Looking at other Māori who have their degrees, bachelors, certificates or diplomas, I am very proud to say that I am Māori. Those who don’t but are trying their best to make life easier for their families just deserve that one chance to show people what they are made of. I don’t attend University, but looking in at those who do, makes me very proud.

After walking down one of the busiest streets in Wellington, I notice how many Māori there were walking in business suits or uniforms. I think about the times we have been put down or peoples’ opinions have made us look like failures. But then when I look at small towns (for example where I come from), I see on the news girls fighting and their fathers cheering them on, gang fights, or burglers. I don’t think its all Māori just those that need a hand or advice in today’s society. A lot of people say: don’t move to this town the people there are mean, and the teenagers are useless. Well I have to say, it’s not the town, it’s the people in it, and the people in it need help.

Every time I go home someone asks me: how is Uni? I usually say, I don’t go to University. Instantly their reply is: well at least you’re out there making your place in the world. It feels good to know that I have the support as a Māori girl without a degree living in the Capital. I’m glad that everyone knows I don’t go to University, because even though I don’t attend, it pursuits others to get out there and make a mark on the world.

You don’t have to have a piece of paper to tell you that you are good at something (it helps to have one if you are looking into a specific career however), but you just have to show yourself that you are indeed special, regardless of the circumstances. So get up and make your place in the world. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what your background is. It’s all about life and living it to the fullest.

When the outside temperature is less-than-balmy, the wind howling or the rain thrashing the motivation required to get that body movin’ can be somewhat in lacking. We all know exercise is pretty good for us, right? Aside from the obvious effects of fitness and weight reduction, did you know that exercise can also help you with:
Your bowels: A recent study has shown that increasing one’s physical activity levels can be effective in decreasing the severity of irritable bowel syndrome (Johannesson et al. 2011). This is a chronic condition which causes discomforting symptoms such as abdominal pain, constipation and diarrhea. If symptoms persist—make an appointment with your doctor.

Pain control: Physical activity produces those good chemicals called endorphins in the brain. These are so strong that they decrease pain perception levels in the brain, i.e. acting as the body’s natural painkillers particularly for musculoskeletal conditions such as low back pain (Linton, Hellsing and Bergström, 1996).

Your mood: Being at university can be tough at times and stress can play a big part in the life of a student, whether from assignments, exams or home-sickness. In addition to acting as a healthy distraction, exercise can lift low moods and assist with the relief of depression. This is due to the release of endorphins, and other feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline. In some instances, exercise can be as effective in treating depression as medication (Stein and Motta, 1992).

For women—Menstruation symptoms: A study involving 250 University students has indicated that 90 minutes of exercise, twice per week at 50-70 per cent of maximum heart rate can be effective in reducing symptoms associated with menstruation. These included psychological and physical premenstrual symptoms and menstrual cramps (Jahromi et al., 2008).

The general rule for adults to maintain health is 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day. heartfoundation.org.nz/uploads/A5_Physical_Activity_08_06.pdf . Some sources recommend 20 minutes of vigorous activity three days a week, plus muscle strengthening exercises at least twice a week.

Hopefully the above evidence can provide a little extra motivation to get you going on those days when you just don’t feel like it.
How to increase your activity?
• Do your own thing – go for a walk or a run, or race your flatmates around the block or up the stairs.
• Check out the Recreation Centre on the Kelburn or Pipitea campus union.vuw.ac.nz/reccentre The friendly staff members are there to help you if you need it!
• Health/Counselling/Recreation Centre offer a supported exercise programme for students with low mood and motivation – ‘Lifting Our Spirits’ victoria.ac.nz/st_services/counselling/resources/healthy-minds-at-vic.pdf
• Join one of the many sports clubs on campus vuwsa.org.nz/clubs/clubs-directory/

If you have any questions about previous injuries or your ability to exercise contact us at the Physiotherapy Clinic on Level One of the Student Union building.

You can only drink in public if there isn’t a liquor ban in place. In Wellington there is a complete liquor ban in the Wellington Central Area, Oriental Bay, Mt Victoria Lookout, Aro Valley, Central Park, Mt Cook and Newtown. This means that you cannot drink in public in these places, even if you are in your car!

What happens if I am caught drinking in a public place where there is a liquor ban?

The police have the right to search you for alcohol, take the alcohol off you and tip it out or make you tip it out. They can also give you a fine of between $200 and $2000 BUT before they do so they must warn you and give you the opportunity to leave the area or tip your alcohol out.

ID’s and bars

Do I have to have an ID to get into a bar?
You must have a photo ID to be able to get into a bar. This can be your passport, New Zealand Drivers Licence, or Official ‘Hospitality Association of New Zealand’ 18+ Card.

Can a bar turn me away for being too drunk?

Yes a bar can refuse to let you in and serve you alcohol for being too drunk. If they are caught serving intoxicated people then they can face huge fines.

What happens if I get caught with a fake ID?

If you use a fake ID this is considered ID fraud. If you use someone else’s ID you could face a fine of up to $1000. If you alter your own licence the fine can be up to $2000. Using a fake or someone else passport is even more serious, the penalty extends up to 10 years imprisonment.

SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS
If you have a legal question, email it to ben@youthlaw.co.nz. We may not print each question, but we will always reply. Printed questions will be vaguely related to issue themes, as far as possible.

There are short summary clips—check them out through the video on the Salient Facebook page.

It’s awesome to see so many people running for election in 2012. This year we received 28 nominations, one of the highest numbers in recent years. Better yet, the calibre of the candidates has been excellent.

VUWSA operates on the fundamental basis of students representing students. We believe that students’ voices are essential for letting us know what services students wish to receive, and how much they want to pay for these services, and as an active part of VUWSA’s representation of students. It’s for this reason that the best are elected to lead VUWSA in 2012.

Electing good candidates is a crucial part of ensuring that the interests of students—quality education, fair decision-making, and adequate student support—are protected. It’s important that you take time to read up on and research those running, to ensure that VUWSA remains a powerful force in ensuring your time at Victoria is the best it can be—both academically and socially—especially with Voluntary Student Membership looming.

For the first time when you’re voting online you will be able to access the candidates’ manifestos. If you haven’t yet decided, these are invaluable in guiding you towards deciding which candidates are best for VUWSA, and ultimately, best for you. By now, you will have received an email to your student email account that provides you with a link to the relevant voting page—it’s a very easy process, which will only take a couple of minutes at most.

But wait, there’s more! After you’ve voted for your preferred Executive, you’ll be contributing your opinion on our proposed Strategic Plan—a document which outlines VUWSA’s overarching goals in the long term. It is the result of many months’ work, countless drafts, arguments over choice of words, and extensive consultation with almost all representative groups and student representatives. We’re now ready to extend it to you before it is formally adopted at the next General Meeting.

This Strategic Plan is a key aspect of our ongoing programme of professionalising and invigorating your students’ association. It will ensure that you always receive an outstanding level of service and a strong student voice across Victoria year-to-year. You can find a copy on our Facebook, website and attached to the online voting system.

So please, make sure you vote!
Have a great week.

Well, number one is, well, we all know that men aren’t the victims of modern society, right? When Elle and I sent out the email soliciting pitches for this edition of Salient we felt that we had to add—‘“Also, please don’t waste our time with any ‘men are now just as repressed as women were’ articles. Because, seriously, they’re not.” We had to put that there because that idea is becoming more popular. More and more people are pointing to the fact that all the men in advertising are idiots and claiming that as some victory by the fictional feminazis, while steadfastly ignoring that at least men get to keep their clothes on in the majority of advertising.

Yes, there are issues about men’s position in the real world and there is a men’s rights movement worth following. Sadly, it is not the ‘Men’s Rights’ movement. It’s feminism. Feminism seeks equality and fairness. Feminism acknowledges all imbalances in gender relationships. Feminism is seeking to allow anyone to walk down the street without being victimised; female, male or other. It just happens that women are the ones facing the more common and obvious brunt of that these days. ‘Men’s Rights’ purports to be about the same things but simply isn’t. Its attempts at readjusting the perceived power imbalance in the favour of women almost without exception fall into one of two camps; complaining about divorce law or, much more malevolently, an obsession with grotesquely exaggerating the occurrence of false rape claims, which does much to help support rape culture. We know that, that’s a bad thing, right? Because it really is.

We also know that when someone says ‘No’ it means you stop. Right? It makes me sad that we have to go over this but I have had too many discussions about rape and associated issues derailed by men starting to list exceptions as if there is any time ever where non-consensual sex is acceptable. There isn’t. There just isn’t. I don’t care if you think she is leading you on. I don’t care if you have ‘blue balls’. I don’t care if you think she’s just being coy and really actually does want to but just needs a little encouragement. No means no. You get verbal consent. Then you bone. That’s how it works.

Anyone who ever states otherwise is gravely misinformed about how things actually work, is angry that he doesn’t have anyone to suck his cock because he’s such a ‘nice guy’ and girls always go for ‘bad boys,’ or a misogynist. Usually all three. Usually without really meaning any harm either. But not knowing better is no excuse.

Look, I know it’s hard. You feel so gawky and awkward and all you can see is other people being happy. Girls holding hands and kissing lips that aren’t yours. What have you done wrong? You are nice and all that seems to happen is that you end up stuck in “the friend zone.” I’m tempted to say that “it gets better.” I won’t because that implies that there is some external force at work here. It will only get better when you stop wasting your time snarking about how women don’t like ‘nice guys’ like you and passing your casually hateful judgement against them, and actually start talking to them. Then things will get better. Don’t be a ‘nice guy,’ just be nice.

This seems harsh and direct. You know it all. You’ve heard it all before. But a lot of you seem to need to hear it again. Stop being douches guys. I’m fucking sick of it.
Glad we had this chat though,
Uther Dean

P.S. Dear all women,
Sorry about the looking at your boobs thing. We know you know. We know we aren’t good at hiding it. We wish we didn’t but we really can’t help it.
Soz,
All Men

We have been waiting all year for the chance to indoctrinate you all with feminist propaganda, so we hope that you make the most of this chance and do your best to become good feminist drones. This is our chance to impress upon you the importance of the Women’s Officer and the Women’s Group, but before we do that, we’d like to extend a big thank you to all of you who made Women’s Fest last week so fabulous (this is us being optimistic, we’re writing this before Women’s Fest, but we’re sure it will be a success anyway).
(You know what’s weird? Why don’t those blue things in Avatar have nipples? They are biologically useful, after all. Not just useful for sex. This could actually become an article in its own right about the lack of nipples in the media, but we’re just gonna let you all fill in the blanks there. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.)

There have been a couple of murmurings about the importance of the Women’s Officer in this day and age, and we’d just like to stand up and say, yes, it is important we have a Women’s Officer. Like or not—we definitely don’t—women still face considerable discrimination in New Zealand, both in the workplace and, unfortunately, in places of education. We need a Women’s Officer to ensure that women aren’t forgotten and our needs aren’t dismissed here at Victoria. One of VUWSA’s key goals is ensuring equality for all Victoria students and strong representation is the best way to achieve that.

As for the Women’s Group, what’s to stop us? If there are enough women who want to get together and form a group, they have every right to, in the same way as anime geeks have every right to get together and squee about anime. The difference is that in the Women’s Group, we talk about things like equality, empowerment, and what it means to be a woman in the twenty-first century. And sex. We talk about that too. So if you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Isn’t it unfair that men don’t get men’s group?” be the change you want to see. Get out and make one, by all means. We’re not going to stop you—we’ll be too busy sitting round eating pizza and talking about sex.

Lots of love,
Clare and Necia

The homosexual Borg has certainly embraced her as a gay icon and she’s the self-appointed face of the campaign for queer rights worldwide. To see her fighting so hard for the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was heartening. She’s singlehandedly changing the mainstream live performance with her crazy and original outfits and sense of theatre (though Pink Floyd did it first), and has revitalised the fashion industry.

So far so good, but not everything she does endears her to me.

Firstly there’s her persona. Gaga’s costumes are magnificent, there’s no denying it, though some have been more successful than others and some have just been plain ugly. The character wearing them though? She’s been described as looking “embalmed” and I too find her corpse-like veneer unsettling. Dark lipstick, lank wigs and pale makeup, not to mention those Klingon ‘bones’ she glued to her face a few months ago. She’s a mash of styles that don’t properly fit together and one gets the impression that she’s being weird just for the sake of it, rather than because it’s who she is. Her whole life is a carefully sculpted performance, but there’s no human element to underpin it. I can’t see that lasting long.

She’s fucking arrogant too, comparing herself to legends like Bowie (who was bisexual before it was cool) and Freddie Mercury. When you have a career spanning several decades, Gaga, get back to me.

Lady Gaga trades on her reputation for weirdness, and I like that. Weird is good; weird is interesting (I am a huge Björk fan) but her music… it’s just so normal. A bit of a let-down after the edgy promises of the image. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike all her music, and some of it’s catchy as hell, but then, so’s ‘Tik-Tok’ and I don’t know anyone who thinks Ke$ha’s pushing musical boundaries. Our Borg Queen is in a pretty unique position to shape pop music in her image, but all we’re getting is her vapid, meaningless lyrics coupled with catchy melodies and repetition. So come on, Lady, let’s see something new.

And a further note: ‘Bad Romance’ and ‘Judas’ are actually just the same song. If you don’t believe me, there are some good side-by-side comparisons on YouTube. This apparent laziness is explicable though: Lady Gaga likes to reference pop culture. Now she is pop culture, so she’s referencing herself. It’s meta.

Does anyone else feel that she’s a bit arrogant to have just stepped up on her soap box and pronounced herself our Queen? ‘Born This Way’ is an attempt to force a definitive gay anthem on us, and I’m beginning to feel a little exploited. The impression that she only speaks out for us as a means to ride the fame train a little longer won’t leave me alone. Who is she that she thinks she can tell people that there’s something wrong with us, that we’re freaks who should scream our differences from the rooftops? My ideal would be to have my sexuality be a non-issue, just an unremarkable part of me like my height or hair colour, rather than something to mark me as different.

Heads up, Gaga: you are not my Jesus. Not the second coming, more like the 200th, and it’s getting a bit old. Your musical magpie approach won’t last the distance and I, for one, would like to see something original.

Like Genesis—the beginning—gender is where this story starts. Most parents will go out of their way to buy certain colours in clothing, bedding and even certain toys for their unborn child, eager in anticipation to hold on to that little bundle of joy. This child will grow knowing they have two parents that are always there for them, always loving and willing to bail them out of any situation. In teenage years this child will continue to grow, fall in and out of love and make many mistakes. It is in these years everyone will expect a plan to be established inside this child’s head for university, the workforce, travel or military service. It is from here the story is left unknown. There are many different scenarios this story could have had and many different outcomes.

I suppose if Gender is like the beginning then naturally the end must be revelation. There are paths people will take to be where they are now but there is no point in blaming others for the reasons you are here, because it was in your choices that brought you to tomorrow. The words used and actions taken will always carry a consequence, either good or bad. Like in the scenario, the child will grow and become an adult. If they find revelation in their life gender will not only become something that just happens to be, but it becomes more of a purpose. Gender can turn this child into a faithful father, a loving mother, a doting uncle or a caring aunty. It is their identity, it brings happiness, and it has the potential to be apart of their story. This article was going to be titled ‘Battle of the Sexes: Is it a Gender Thing?’, but that would have been a wasted topic. Our society is corrupt, if people don’t know who they are how can they ever help others? Mentioned from the beginning is gender but in the end, where will revelation take you?

It’s been a long time coming—first bid for by the fifth Labour Government in 2005 and finally implemented by the current National-led Government, it was intended to showcase New Zealand to the world.

To an extent it has done that. While opinions on the opening ceremony have been divided, most New Zealanders have warmly embraced this sporting phenomena.
But some of them have not. Particularly in the urban enclaves of Wellington, much vitriol has been heaped on the Rugby World Cup. Some of it is clearly justified, and some of it is not.

There are two major problems that eventuate when major sporting events such as the Rugby World Cup, or the Olympics take place. The first is the monumental challenge that government faces in order to get things ready in time, and ready to work effectively. The law, and how it is dealt with has an important role to play in this. For example, the restrictive limitations of the Resource Management Act 1991 made things difficult for government when upgrading our stadiums. The Minister for the Rugby World Cup, Murray McCully, even contemplated passing legislation to temporarily over ride the RMA. Thankfully he didn’t need to—but it does demonstrate the pressure that the government was under.

The Local Government Act 2002, and the Local Government (Rating) Act 2002 also have an impact. They provides the authority for City Councils to levy rates. Aucklanders alone have contributed over $100 million to the Rugby World Cup. Here’s hoping there is a decent return on their investment.

The second problem is more visceral. Along with the revelry, tournaments have a darker side. Public drunkenness, assaults and sexual violence are the unwanted underbelly of major sporting events. Here too, the law has a role to play in ensuring people are protected, managed or have somewhere to turn when its time to right a wrong. Regrettably, over the next six weeks judges can expect to see the criminal law getting a good run-around.

I’ve been following how my friends and peers have reacted to the Rugby World Cup, and their differing responses have intrigued me. On the one hand there is a clear appreciation for the opportunities that the RWC can bring. It is after all, an international festival. One where different peoples from around the world come together to celebrate a shared passion. You don’t need to be a rabid fan of rugby to appreciate the commonweal that major events like this bring. The vast majority of cup goers are well-meaning, tee-totaling families who just want to enjoy a fun, collective experience.

But on the other hand there has been an outpouring of pre-emptive vitriol against the Cup. One well read blog, and commenters on the Facebook page of the Wellington Young Feminist’s collective, immediately attacked the World Cup as being a vehicle for sexual violence, gender discrimination and patriarchy. There is undoubtably a serious point here. Sexual violence against women, homosexuals and gender minorities is an abhorrent and unacceptable consequence of many major sporting events. After the opening ceremony in Auckland on 8 September a gay bar owner was assaulted in K Road. This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are likely to have been more incidents, and many will go unreported.
It’s hard to reconcile these two points of view, both have valid arguments. Major events should be safe environments where everyone, irrespective of gender, can participate in peace. My ideal Cup would be one where the coercive power of the law is unnecessary. Squaring the two points of view is difficult. My disquiet comes from way the Rugby World Cup has become instantly polarised. One can be opposed to sexual violence and gender discrimination, and even make the argument that major sporting events contribute to the problem in significant ways. But one can also enjoy a game or two of rugby and still call themselves a feminist. If certain feminist discourses become uniformly entrenched they can become in and of themselves, disempowering.

By instantly framing the Rugby World Cup as a battle between the primeval forces of male babarism and the enlightened Amazons of feminism we don’t really get anywhere. This is a problem, because its absolutely vital that we do. Nuanced discussions of gender, violence and rugby are invaluable to a more complete understanding of privilege and partriachy. How we utilise, apply and reform our law is ultimately predicated on the result of that conservation.

Bill O’Hanlon, a founder of Solution-focused Therapy and author of Do One thing Different and Other Uncommonly Sensible Solutions to Life’s Persistent Problems, shared his experiences of feeling the same way when he was battling depression. He did not find focusing on analysing why and how the problem happened helpful. Instead he found that it helped to examine how he was different when he was not “doing depression” and reflected on what had helped lift his mood in the past. He then moved on to “amplify” these differences until it made a difference for his wellbeing. Bill maintains that what you focus on expands. If you have been focusing on your problems/weakness/defects, however you like to name it, consider whether this has been helpful or has kept you stuck in the rut. When you focus on future possible solutions, you expand the range of options for change.
Suppose you are suffering from depression, and consulting Bill. How might you answer these questions?

How come the problem is not worse? What is/are something(s) you are already doing that has been helpful in maintaining and preventing your situation from being worse than it could have been?

‘What is one thing you can do today to make a difference?’

If a miracle were to happen tonight when you were sleeping ending your depression, what would you observe yourself doing differently first thing in the morning?

If you are currently struggling with a mood or anxiety problem, what are you already doing that is helping with the situation and preventing things from getting worse than it could have been? It is common for someone with mood or sleep problem to use alcohol or drugs to manage their day. Is this helping or is it perpetuating your challenges? It is known that while these substances may provide short term relief, they create longer term health and mental health consequences.

Often students who present with insomnia describe a bedtime ritual of lying in bed and thinking about how the day has gone. They often focus on the negative aspects and give themselves a “beating” for what they did not do well enough. These often generate negative emotions and not helpful in preparing the body and mind to be relaxed to drop off to sleep. If such a reflective ritual is helpful to you, consider doing it at breakfast instead.

For wellness’ sake, what would be one thing you could do differently about your situation today? Go for a walk, workout at the gym, talk to someone about it, cook yourself a nutritious meal…seek professional medical/ counselling help. Take that first step towards wellness today!

That’s bad news for those of you with BAs, who have been sheltered from the real world by the puffed-up salaries and blur of bureaucracy in the public service for many years. You BCA graduates should still be alright—I hear the banks are still making zillions in profits despite the downturn. Funny that.
For those a tad scared about being plunged into the workforce, or more accurately, almost certain unemployment, here are a few tips to help you on your way to the salaried world.

No shame in moving home

There really isn’t. If you’re skint and jobless, make the most of that unconditional love and live rent-free for a while. Hopefully your Mum and Dad haven’t turned your old room into a gym/office/spare room for the grandchildren.

Consider the provinces

The lure of the city is strong, I know. I like it here too. But come November, there are always more graduates than there are graduate-level jobs. Consider checking out jobs in the provinces—the rent is cheap, and there are still jobs going, especially in summer. Right now there are jobs for a mystery shopper in Paihia, a shepherd in Gore, a dive instructor in Hawke’s Bay, a kayak guide in the Sounds, bar staff near Franz Josef glacier, and a Fudge Cottage sales assistant (does it matter where Fudge Cottage is, really?).

Consider leaving—but come back

While you might not get your dream job in London anymore, or even a job vaguely related to what you studied, there are still jobs at bars/cafes and plenty of room for English-speaking nannies. There are also summer camp jobs in the US which can be a lot of fun (and which you can string along into late summer, then winter camps), the ski-fields in Canada, and work on organic farms everywhere else. Make the most of those working visas before you turn 30. No-one really expects you to have a ‘career’ until you’re 35.

Volunteering is good for everyone

So you keep getting feedback that you don’t have enough experience, and you’re all like, but how the fuck am I meant to get experience? Volunteering. It’s a good way to get some experience under your belt, meet some people (that’s actually how you get jobs in New Zealand), and figure out what you do and don’t like. Will also prevent Dr Phil and The Little Couple addictions.

When all else fails, mention Twitter

You know what scares old people? Twitter. If your CV isn’t getting you through the door, try mentioning Twitter in your job application—whether you actually get it/like it yourself or not—and they’ll think they need you. Y’know, to stay hip and connected. *

Developing skills in reading, writing and mathematics are essential for a child’s success as they progress beyond Year 8, and in many cases, into tertiary education. Providing teachers, and in particular parents, with an indication of where a child is at, consistent with the subsequent expectations of secondary schools and tertiary institutions, logically allows specific gaps to be filled and problem-areas to be ironed out in each child.

However, in 2009, following passage of the Education (National Standards) Amendment Bill, academics from Auckland, Waikato and Otago Universities wrote an open letter to the Minister of Education entitled ‘Warning about the new National Standards system’. At least one of the authors—Auckland University’s Professor John Hattie—was an initial supporter of the idea. The Prime Minister has said it was Professor Hattie who introduced the idea of a standards-based system to him in the first place.
In the letter, while the intended goals behind the program were resoundingly affirmed, the authors outlined that the “flaws in the new system are so serious that full implementation of the intended National Standards system…is likely to be unsuccessful.”

Those flaws include:
• A lack of focus on progress, and the wrongful assumption that children are ‘failing’ if they do not meet the National Standards. With this is an associated concern that this assumption of ‘failing’ can become self-fulfilling, turning children off education rather than helping them to achieve higher;
• The distortion and impoverishment of “the culture of teaching and learning and assessment within schools”, leading to a limited and far less stimulating primary experience, as evidenced by the international experience of the public reporting of national testing; and
• That the descriptions and examples of the standards are so vague as to be ineffective in many cases.

Of course, this discussion has been thrashed out time and again throughout National’s first term in office, but I raise it here once more in the wake of Labour’s announcement that they would ditch National Standards in all primary schools if elected this year.

In its place, Labour’s Education spokesperson, Sue Moroney has outlined that the Party would institute a new set of assessment tools according to the following five-point plan, which would:

• Determine the curriculum level a child is achieving;
• Show a child’s rate of progress between reports over the course of a year;
• Identify children not achieving within curriculum levels;
• Decide and report the next learning steps; and
• Report information in plain language to parents at least twice a year.

This is a plan that, on the face of it, is essentially aimed at achieving the exact same ends, and appears to address the concerns above.
Of course, what this all comes back to is that National Standards—a good idea at its inception—has been just one victim of National’s prolific use of urgency this term. The National Government pushed through 17 laws in its first two years without allowing public submissions, compared with the four or five in each of the previous Labour Government’s terms.

Arguably, had National Standards been subject to the consultation process that they deserved, the primary sector might have been faced with a policy that addressed the outlined concerns, and would have been welcomed with overwhelming support, rather than being plagued by the overwhelming opposition that has ensued.
It’s great that Moroney has made an attempt to initiate debate over the scheme as people evaluate the Government’s performance. It’s clear, regardless of whether tweedle dum or tweedle dee win this year’s election, that National Standards as it stands is in dire need of review; a review complete with the consultation process it should have been afforded in the first place, and a review resulting in a system—whether continuing under the ‘National Standards’ tag, or some other less tainted moniker—that has the backing of those who have to implement them.

The recent Beervana beer festival brought a rare opportunity to try beer from little heard of breweries from across the ditch.

Oft-hailed as Australia’s best brewery, Feral Brewing beers were among the offerings at the Australian bar. Based in Perth, Western Australia Feral tout themselves as ‘’undomesticated yet sophisticated.’’ Their flagship beer, ‘Hop Hog IPA’ is definitely sophisticated and competes with some of the best IPAs in the world with a huge zesty aroma and massive hop flavour – especially for a 5.8 per cent beer. Feral also take the IPA to the dark side, with their black IPA Karma Citra. This has an intriguing flavour combination of chocolaty dark malts and citrus hop, which just somehow works.

I believe one reason Aussie beer gets a bad rap is context. We must remember that Australia is far hotter than our wee micro-climate, and this is going to influence what people want to drink. This is why many Australian beers are on the lighter, thirst-quenching side. Stone & Wood Pacific Ale is one of those beers. It is made with all Australian ingredients, and showcases the unique Galaxy hop variety. It is a very light beer, which is why many Kiwi palates don’t understand this beer, but imagine you’re in 30-degree heat, and the combination of a great flavour in a wonderful thirst quencher means you could drink it all day.

It’s not just Beervana realising the potential of craft beer from over there, our local beer bars are taking it upon themselves to source small brewery beer. The Malthouse recently brought in a shipment of beer from Tasmanian Brewery Moo Brew, of which I’ve tried the Pale Ale and Pilsner. These are both on the lighter side, but again, on a hot Tasmanian day these would go down perfectly. Hashigo Zake has also imported a few kegs, notably Jamieson The Beast IPA. Jamieson is a tiny town of around 300 people, yet it is home to one of Australia’s leading craft breweries. The Beast isn’t your normal hop-driven pale ale, it brings balance to the big hops with a rich malty sweetness. This balance makes this 7 per cent beer dangerously drinkable.

Lucky for us, all of the above beers didn’t quite manage to sell out at Beervana, so Hashigo Zake and the Malthouse snagged the leftovers. Keep an eye out for these trail blazing craft beers from across the ditch – they’ll be well worth the taste!

The first, a trademark suit brought by McDonalds, with a claim that the fast-food conglomerate owns the rights to the name ‘Kiwi Burger’, particularly in conjunction with the use of typical New Zealand ingredients fried egg and beetroot.

The second, a criminal case brought by the Department of Conservation, charging the popular bar-restaurant with breaching the Preservation of Native Animals Act by ‘illegally catching, slaughtering and slow-roasting New Zealand’s most precious native bird, the Kiwi, in a delicious smoky barbecue marinade, and pulling the meat from which to arrange on a bed of fresh rocket and baby-spinach, accompanied by a fried egg, a slice of beetroot, and a generous dollop of garlic aioli.’

Wellington High Court has found that ‘while mouth-watering, Chicago’s new burger is an atrocious detriment towards attempts at preserving a very gamey, but not unpleasantly so, endangered bird species.’

Chicago has appealed the decision with a claim that ‘if innovative, New Zealand-inspired cuisine is wrong, then [they] don’t want to be right.’

Chicago sports bar is also currently defending itself in the civil action against McDonalds on the grounds that there is ‘literally, literally no more appropriate a name. There is literally kiwi meat in this burger.’

This is not the first time that the two-star establishment has faced legal consequences for their controversial novelty dishes. In 2009 a limited-offer dish, the Real Southern Bloke Breakfast, consisted of an omelette which contained the flesh of Central Otago farmer, Mark Hallett. Chicago Bar won an auction on Trademe for the corpse of Hallett who died on a muster during the previous winter as a result of unprecedented low temperatures and heavy snowfall.

The suit was brought on grounds of health and safety concerns but in court Chicago won due to expert witness, local health inspection officer Cameron Cherkov’s evidence that, due to the extreme conditions under which he perished, the body was snap-frozen and perfectly preserved, meaning there was no risk of tainted meat.

‘Which also explains why the flesh of Hallett, or ‘long-pork’ as it is known in the culinary world, was so tender and flavoursome. It was actually a triumph of local cuisine,’ concluded Cherkov in Court.

We have been waiting all year for the chance to indoctrinate you all with feminist propaganda, so we hope that you make the most of this chance and do your best to become good feminist drones. This is our chance to impress upon you the importance of the Women’s Officer and the Women’s Group, but before we do that, we’d like to extend a big thank you to all of you who made Women’s Fest last week so fabulous (this is us being optimistic, we’re writing this before Women’s Fest, but we’re sure it will be a success anyway).
(You know what’s weird? Why don’t those blue things in Avatar have nipples? They are biologically useful, after all. Not just useful for sex. This could actually become an article in its own right about the lack of nipples in the media, but we’re just gonna let you all fill in the blanks there. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.)

There have been a couple of murmurings about the importance of the Women’s Officer in this day and age, and we’d just like to stand up and say, yes, it is important we have a Women’s Officer. Like or not—we definitely don’t—women still face considerable discrimination in New Zealand, both in the workplace and, unfortunately, in places of education. We need a Women’s Officer to ensure that women aren’t forgotten and our needs aren’t dismissed here at Victoria. One of VUWSA’s key goals is ensuring equality for all Victoria students and strong representation is the best way to achieve that.

As for the Women’s Group, what’s to stop us? If there are enough women who want to get together and form a group, they have every right to, in the same way as anime geeks have every right to get together and squee about anime. The difference is that in the Women’s Group, we talk about things like equality, empowerment, and what it means to be a woman in the twenty-first century. And sex. We talk about that too. So if you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Isn’t it unfair that men don’t get men’s group?” be the change you want to see. Get out and make one, by all means. We’re not going to stop you—we’ll be too busy sitting round eating pizza and talking about sex. *

Lots of love,
Clare and Necia

Prez Seamus has not been forthcoming as to why so many meetings have failed to eventuate, dodging your correspondents’ eager questioning with excuses like “There isn’t any business to discuss” (even following VUWSA’s AGM) and “Everyone’s away.”

The meeting opened at 5.34pm, with apologies from Queer Officer Tom Reed and Environmental Officer Haley Mortimer. Prez Seamus acknowledged that the last exec meeting was “a very long time ago”, and moved onto the perusal of work reports, compiled from the past two periods. Had I been live-tweeting the discussion, (follow us; @salientmagazine), I’d have broken it down thusly:

“Welfare Officer Ta’ase Vaoga grills Vice-Prez (Welfare) Asher Emanuel on his considerable deficit”

“Vaoga says that the Pasifika Students Council’s fono at the end of last month was “really successful””

“Prez Seamus says that the National Māori Tertiary Students Association’s AGM was “fun””

“Education Officer Jen Fellows reports that the Undergraduate Review is going well”

“Clubs Officer Jeremy ‘Jezza’ Peters announces that ‘Give It A Go Week’ has been cancelled due to lack of interest”

“Peters reveals that just two students attended The Hunter Lounge’s screening of The King’s Speech, much to the amusement of all present”

Campaigns Officer Josh Van Veen, apologised for not having submitted work reports for either of the past two periods. “That’s because I haven’t done anything of note, and so I’ve probably put in zero hours over the last four weeks,” he explained. Incredibly, no one responded to this, and work reports were passed largely without comment.

Seamus then shared some good news: Student Job Search has helped almost 4000 Vic students find work, bringing them just over $8 million in earnings. VUWSA’s levy to SJS is about $22,000, so this is a solid return on its investment. Fellows praised Seamus’ “good work”; Wilson agreed that “snaps for Seamus” were in order; Emanuel clapped. It was a heartwarming scene until Wilson realised that “snaps” is a quote from Legally Blonde; muttered “I’ve made a huge mistake”; and looked to me for recognition of that very obvious Arrested Development reference.

Taking care of business, the exec approved VUWSA’s drafted strategic plan to be attached to election voting (which, as Seamus later explained, will enable students to read and vote on it “referendum styles”).

Vice-President (Administration) Daniel Wilson, looking dapper in a new suit, then spoke about VUWSA’s plan for 2012, when membership will be voluntary. Wilson has identified areas where VUWSA could freeze or slow expenditure for the remainder of ’11, to ensure that the association has “big cash reserves left over so we can at least function next year”. He recommended that VUWSA aim to save between $100,000 and $150,000 on top of its current operating surplus of over $100,000, but pointed out that saving dollars that students intended to be spent on them in ’11 for use in ’12 presents an issue of principle. Prez Seamus mentioned that he had discussed making constitutional changes with the VUWSA Trust about funding next year. The exec decided to freeze spending on all lines that do not affect VUWSA’s day-to-day operations in a bid to save $150,000.

The exec then moved into committee.

Coming out of committee about fifteen minutes later, Vice-President (Education) Bridie Hood recommended that VUWSA contribute a nominal sum towards pizza for ENVIRO 214 and 314’s class functions, which was passed. Seamus followed this up with the welcome news that VUWSA and the University had finalised a policy for responding to students’ grievances “after 18 drafts”. He praised School of Law Dean Tony Smith for his support during the process, “because you don’t really argue with someone like him”.

Wilson then suggested that VUWSA put a further $5000 towards the Blues Awards, which recognise sporting excellence among Vic students, from the Cultural Clubs allocation in the association’s budget. The exec expressed reluctance, especially when Wilson let slip that that $5000 would cover the cost of hiring Sevens coach Gordon Tietjens to speak at the event (“So there are lots of savings that can be made,” retorted the Prez). Wilson’s protest that the provision for beverages has been cut was met with a scandalised response from Emanuel and Salient. Seamus recommended that the exec wait until closer to the time to make a decision in case the University decided to contribute more.

The meeting closed at 6.22pm.