This got me thinking, both about how I was lucky to have enrolled at Victoria University in June 2009 and not June 2010, and about all the changes that have been made to New Zealand’s tertiary education sector over the past year. We’ve seen changes to access to the training incentive allowance, student loans and student allowances; managed enrolments have been introduced at Victoria University; and there’s the possibility of the VSM bill becoming a reality—just to name a few.

It can be hard to keep an eye on these changes when you are a student struggling to pass your courses, most likely with a part-time job to supplement your allowance or living costs. But it is important that we keep an eye on these changes. And it is even more vital that Māori students are aware of these changes, because when wholesale changes are made to a sector of society, it is minorities who are marginalised. For example, Māori are traditionally second chance learners at the tertiary level, enrolling in their 20s after taking a break from institutional education after high school. Victoria University’s introduction of managed enrolments to control the swelling student numbers will affect these mature Māori students, potentially cutting their access to tertiary education. And if the VSM bill succeeds and Ngāi Tauira is removed from, or restricted within the Victoria University campus, tauira will lose a support network which helps to interpret an individualistic Pākehā education system for students who are accustomed to whanaungatanga and manaakitanga. So what to do?

Keep on top of changes to the tertiary education sector by reading Salient, watching the news, and talking to your fellow tauira and staff at university. Whanaungatanga among Māori is vital, especially with all these changes happening, and this week’s celebration of Te Wiki o Te Reo (Māori Language) is a prime example of Māori coming together as a whānau to celebrate our tikanga and reo Māori. The theme for this year’s Te Wiki O Te Reo as chosen by Te Taura Whiri i te Reo Māori (The Māori Language Commission) is ‘Te Mahi Kai’, The Language of Food. Te Taura Whiri chose this topic because they wanted “an activity-based theme to promote and widen spoken language in communities”. And you can see how this theme works for yourself if you come to Te Herenga Waka Marae on the Kelburn campus for one of their $6 lunches—take a look at pages 28 and 29 for some reo that you could use when you come over for lunch.

Te Taura Whiri’s theme foreshadowed Māori Party MP Rahui Katene’s member’s bill on the removal of GST from healthy food being selected from parliament’s ballot in April. However, with John Key last week announcing that the National Party will not be supporting this bill, it looks very unlikely to pass. This means that the current government has passed on the opportunity to address Māori obesity and the deaths of 11,000 New Zealanders every year due to poor diet, because of bureaucracy.

However, Māori have already upheld whanaungatanga and introduced community-based initiatives to tackle our obesity epidemic. Marton’s marae-based project to provide the community with fresh organic vegetables has been established across four marae. Not only does the project encourage healthy eating, it brings the community together in a Māori environment. You can also check out the community garden article about Owhiro Bay and the creative piece on the marae-based community garden in Taranaki on pages 34 and 34. Also, under the Ministry of Health’s Healthy Eating Healthy Action strategy plan, Māori have introduced initiatives to promote healthy eating, such as Oranga Tū Tonu in Te Arawa and Ngāti Tuwharetoa and the Hora te Pai Health Service at Te Runanga o Ati Awa ki Whakarongotai. These initiatives are an example for us tauira here at Victoria University of how we can work within Pākehā frameworks and create our own Māori support structure to counteract policy changes. By drawing together under a common goal we can enact our whanaungatanga and support each other on our journey toward academic success.

So even if you are not a speaker of Te Reo Māori, take a look at this edition of Te Ao Marama and join us in our celebration of Te Reo Māori. We’ve included information on how and where you can learn Te Reo Māori, so you can hopefully better understand next year’s edition, maybe over a cup of tea and sticky bun at Te Herenga Waka Marae.

Nā Maria Williams
Tumuaki Tuarua (Mātauranga) o Ngāi Tauira
Vice President (Education) of Ngāi Tauira (Victoria University’s Maori Students’ Association)

Ki a koutou katoa, ngā tauira, ngā kaiako, ngā kaimahi katoa i Te Whare Wānanga o te Ūpoko o te Ika a Māui, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou katoa. Ki a tātou nei tini mate kua hoki atu ki te kāinga tūturu, haere, haere, haere atu rā. Āpiti hono tātai hono, te hunga mate ki te hunga mate. Āpiti hono tātai hono tātou te hunga ora ki a tātou. Tātou mā ngā kanohi ora, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou katoa.

Ko wai tēnei tāngata e mihi atu ki a koutou?

Ko Tapuae o Uenuku te Maunga
Ko Waiautoa te awa
Ko Te Tai o Marokura te moana
Ko Kaikōura te whenua
Ko Takahanga te marae
Ko Marukaitatea te whare Tīpuna
Ko Ngāti Kurii te hapū
Ko Ngāi Tahu te iwi
Ko Victor Manawatu tōku ingoa.

I tēnei wā ko au te tumuaki o Ngāi Tauira, te rōpū tauira Māori i tēnei Whare Wānanga. Nau mai haere mai ki tēnei māheni o Te Ao Mārama hei tautoko i te kaupapa o Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori. Ahakoa, ki a mātou nei whakaaro ka tū te wiki o te reo i ngā wiki katoa o te tau, ko tēnei te wiki kua tohungia e te Kāwanatanga hei tautoko ake i te reo o o mātou nei tīpuna. Nō reira, kei te mihi ki a koutou katoa.

Ko wai a Ngāi Tauira? Arā, ko koutou ngā tauira Māori a Ngāi Tauira. Ko te komiti whakahaere o Ngāi Tauira ko ngā tauira e mahia ana te mahi mō koutou ngā tauira Māori i Te Whare Wānanga o te Ūpoko o te Ika a Māui. Anei mātou, ngā māngai mō koutou ki te wāhi me te poari mātauranga. Kei kōnei hoki mātou ki te awhi, ki te tautoko i ngā tauira Māori katoa. E mōhio ana mātou i ngā mea whakahirahira ki a koutou, ngā tauira Māori, nā te mea, he tauira hoki mātou. Nō reira ki a tātou mā, ngā tauira Māori, nau mai, haere mai ki te kōrero ki a mātou, te kōmiti whakahaere, e pā ana ki o koutou nei take. Ka whakarongo mātou ki a koutou nei hiahia, a koutou nei whakaaro. Kei a koutou te tikanga, kei a koutou te kaupapa.

Ko te mahi anō hoki o te kōmiti whakahaere ko te whai tonu i ngā take whakarerekēhia, whaka-Māorihia hoki, e te whare wānanga me te Kāwanatanga. He nui ake ngā take mō ngā tauira Māori i tēnei tau. Mai i te whakaaro o ngā whare wānanga ki te poro iho i ngā nama whakaurunga tauira hou, ki te mahi o te Kāwanatanga ki te whakakore i te pūtea mō ngā rōpū tauira, pēnei i a Ngāi Tauira. Koinei ētahi kaupapa e tū ake ai a Ngāi Tauira ki te whakahua i ngā whakaaro o te tauira Māori ki te whare wānanga, ki ngā minita, ki ngā iwi, ki ngā whānau whānui katoa. Ko te tūmanako, mā ngā tauira, ngā kaiako, ngā kaimahi katoa e tautoko i a mātou. I a mātou nei whakaaro ki te hāpai i te mana o ngā Māori katoa e whai ana i te mātauranga ara tuatoru.

Hei pānui anō, i tēnei tau ko ngā rōpū tauira i te rohe o Te Whanganui-a-Tara, a Ngāi Tauira rātou ko Weltec, ko MAWSA, ko Whitireia hoki e whakahaere ana i Te Huinga Tauira. Ko tēnei hui ‘Te Hui a Tau’ o Te Mana Ākonga, te rōpū tauira Māori o Aotearoa. Ko ngā rā o Te Huinga Tauira, ko te 26th – 29th o Here Turi Kōkā. Ki te pīrangi koutou ki te haere ki Te Huinga Tauira, kia tere a koutou nā wero mai.

Nō reira e koutou mā, nau mai haere mai ki ngā whakaritenga, kua whakaritea mā koutou i tēnei wiki o te reo. Haere mai ki te ako i te reo, whakarongo ki ngā kaikōrero e kōrerorero ana i a rātou kaupapa, kāinga i ngā kai pai o Te Herenga Waka Marae. Anei te wiki mō tātou katoa ki te whakanui i te reo tūturu ake o Aotearoa.

Mauri ora

Victor Manawatu
Tumuaki o Ngāi Tauira

As you may have probably realised by now, this week is Te Ao Marama. The VUWSA President doesn’t always write a column for this issue, and we’d figured Max would welcome another week off column writing.

In a conversation early last week, Max requested that—if possible—there be a page left for him to write a column. It was agreed that VUWSA would have two pages for columns and content in this issue.

Given Max’s unusual enthusiasm for column writing, it’s surprising that we don’t have his column. We’ve been told he’s at some aspiring leaders thing.

First rule of being an aspiring leader, Max: get the shit done that you say you will.

Email suggestions for an upcoming Animal of the Week to elle@salient.org.nz.

Kua whakaurua e Ngāi Tauira e toru ngā tīma toa ki tēnei tauwhāinga; Tīma Whero, Tīma Pango, Tīma Mā. I te tīmatanga o tēnei tau i uru atu a Tīma Whero, Tīma Pango hoki ki ngā tauwhāinga o te wahanga tuatahi, ā, i tae atu a Tīma Pango ki ngā whakatauranga mō te tūnga tuatahi, tuarua rānei.

Ahakoa tē wikitoria e rātou, i puta anō te hiahia ki te pūrei, ki te nanaiore atu i taua tūnga tuatahi. Anō hoki, nā te nui o te hiahia a ngā tauira ki te pūrei, ka whakauru atu a Ngāi Tauira i a Tīma Mā. Nā tērā, e toru ngā tīma ināianei hei whakahihiko i tēnei whakataetae. Nō tērā wiki anō i tukituki a Tīma Pango ki a Tīma Mā, ā, nā wai i toa? Nā te Tīma Pango i eke panuku! Tēnā, ki tā Te Waka Tōreni whakaaro, “Rrrrrrrawe rrrrrrrrrawa atu!” te kēmu i tērā wiki.

I tēnei wiki ka pakanga atu a Tīma Pango i a Tīma Whero, ā, ko wai ka hua, ko wai ka tohu? Ki te wātea mai koe, anga tō haere ki te Rec Center mō tēnei kēmu hei te Rāapa, 7pm. Haurua hāora noa iho te roa o ia kēmu, ka mutu, taihoa e haere, ko te kēmu a Tīma Mā whai muri mai i te 7:30pm.

Hei tāpiri, he tīma anō tā te rōpū tauira Māori o Ngā Rangahautira. Ka whakapau werawera te tīma nei i te Rāapa, 4pm o tēnei wiki. Tutuki ai rātou i te tīma e kīa nei ko Ballers.

Tēnā ki te pirangi koutou te marea te haere ki te tautoko atu i ēnei tīma e toru, e whā hoki, whakapā atu ki tō hoa – kāore e kore kei te mōhio rātou – mō ngā wā o ngā kēmu. Ka taea koe te whakapā atu ki a Natalie rānei (natalie.goldsmith@vuw.ac.nz).

Heke ana te werawera, kapakapa ana te manawa, mārō ana ngā uaua, horahora ana te memene. Ko te āhuatanga tēnei o hoe waka ama, o ngā tauwhawhai ki te whakataetae o te ao.

Huri noa, huri noa, korou ora, korou ora!

Nei ka noho au me te whakahoki whakaaro ki te wā o Uruuru Whenua (Mei) o taku taenga atu ki Noumea, Niu Karetōnia mō ngā whakataetae Waka Ama o Te Ao. Koinei te whakataetae o ngā whakataetae hei whakamōhio atu ki te Ao ko koe rā te Toa o ngā Toa, ko koe rā te taumata tiketike o tēnei hākinakina, mahi-ā-Rēhia.

Ko te painga o taua whenua rā o Noumea, ko te mahana, ko te mahana, ko te mahana. I waiho ai mātou te hōtoke ki te kāinga me te kuhu atu ki roto i te raumati. Hāunga i te pai o te huarere, ko te pai hoki o te wāhi noho. Ko te whitinga o te rori noa iho te tawhiti ki tātahi, waihoki ki te wāhi whakataetae.
Katoa o tātou, Māori mai, Maoli mai, Kanaka mai, Pākehā mai hāngai tonu ana ki te kaupapa o te whakataetae waka ama. I reira ko ngā ihu oneone o wā tātou nei hākinakina e whakaatu ana wā rātou ihi. Ko rātou e whai ake nei ko wētehi o ngā tino toa kua para i te huarahi mō tātou.

Ngā Tino Toa o Te Ao

Ta’aroa Dubois (Tangaroa ki a tātou o Aotearoa) o Tawhiti Nui
Kāhore he kaihoe kōpere i tua atu o Tangaroa. Ahakoa 20 noa iho ana tau ko ia te keokeonga, te taumata tiketike, te mutunga kē mai nei o te kaihoe kōpere . I ngā whakataetae o te ao i tū ki Sacremento, California, 2008, ko ia anō i eke ki te karamatamata whakatiketike o te maunga teitei. I taua tau anō (2008) ko ia te toa o ngā Tāne i raro i te 19 tau, te toa o ngā Tāne huri noa hoki. I tēnei tau i whai anō ia i te mētara kōura o ngā Tāne huri noa. Atu i ngā hoe kōpere, ko ia tonu e toa haere ana i ngā whakataetae tauwhāingaroa nui whakaharahara o Tawhiti Nui.

Hinatea Bernadino o Tawhiti Nui
Anō nei te mutunga kē mai nei o te kaihoe kōpere. I toa ai tēnei wahine pūrotu o Tawhiti i te wāhi ki ngā wāhine hurinoa. I reira hoki ko wāna tino hoa riri arā a Evangélique Tehiva rāua ko Vesna Radonich e tere whai mai i a ia. I te mutunga iho i toa ko Hinatea.

Grant Barriball o Aotearoa
Nei anō tētehi o ngā ihu oneone o tēnei o ngā mahi-a-Rēhia. I puta tōna ihu i ngā whakataetae o Aotearoa i te tīmatanga o te tau, ā, i puta ia me tētehi mētara kōura i te wāhanga ki ngā pakeke (pakeke ake i te 40). I pērā tonu tōna ihu ki ngā whakataetae o Te Ao. Mīharo pai tātou o Aotearoa ki tēnei o ngā toa, kua mīharo hoki tātou e noho nei ana ki Pōneke, tā te mea kei kōnei tēnei toa e hāpai nei i a tātou ki te Ūpoko o te Ika.

Claire Sykes o Aotearoa
Anō nei tētehi o ngā kaihoe toa e hoe ana mō tēnei wāhanga o te motu. Ko tāna i eke panuku ai, ko te wāhanga ki ngā whāea pakeke ake i te 35. Ahakoa i tae tuarua noa iho ki ngā whakataetae o Aotearoa i eke panuku, i eke Tangaroa ai ia ki ngā whakataetae o te Ao, me te hoki mai ki Aotearoa hei ‘Toa o Te Ao’.

Hāunga i wēnei Toa ko ngā Toa-a-kapa e tika nei te mihi atu. Ki te taha o Aotearoa ko ngā wāhine ērā e para ana i te huarahi mō tātou ngā tāne, ko ngā tino Toa o Aotearoa, me kī, ko wā tātou kuia kaumātua (pakeke ake i te 55). I hoki mai rātou me ngā mētara kōura e toru! Kātahi nei te māia, te mana, te ihi o wā tātou ruruhi.

Heoti anō, kāti rā e te iwi whai i te ara hauora. Kia kaha rā koutou ki te whai i wā koutou ake nā pae tawhiti kia tata, a tōna wā ka whakamaua kia tina, ko te wero kia whāia ki tōna karamatamata!

Nā Te Waka Tōreni, tōia!

Kupu hou
kōpere = sprints
mētara = medal
kōura = gold
tauwhāingaroa = marathon/long distance
tauwhawhai = race

Te Whakangungu hoe waka

Kua tae te wā kia eke ai koe ki runga i te waka, arā, te waka whai ama. He hākinakina, mahi-ā-rēhia tēnei mō ngā tāngata katoa, ahakoa Māori mai, kanaka Maoli mai, te mea te mea te mea. Ki te hia rapu koe i o pakiaka ki te ao Māori tēnā wepua mai. He hākinakina tēnei e whakakaha ana i ngā mahi a ngā tūpuna o Te Moananui-a-Kiwa.

Kua tīmata kē ngā wā whakangungu, ā, hei ia Rātapu ka whakahaerehia i he ahiahi whakangahau mō ngā kaihoe o ngā reanga katoa.

Mēnā he hiahia nāu ki te peke mai ki runga i te waka – ahakoa āu pūkenga – ī-mera mai, ūmere mai rānei ki a Taawhana (taawhana@gmail.com), hono atu rānei ki ‘Wakaz @ Vic’ mā runga o Facebook kia whai koe i ngā pānuitanga, i ngā wā whakangungu hoki.

Tari: Kei te papa tuarua o te Student Union Building.
Pae tukutuku: www.ngaitauira.org.nz

Ingoa: Victor Manawatu
Mahi: Tumuaki
Iwi: Kai Tahu, Ngāti Kuri
Tohu: BA (History & Māori); Graduate Diploma in Commerce
Īmera: victor.manawatu@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Maria Williams
Mahi: Tumuaki Tuarua-Mātauranga
Iwi: Tūhoe, Taranaki, Ngāti Hauiti, Te Arawa
Tohu: BA (English Literature)
Īmera: maria.williams@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Jamie Winiata
Mahi: Tumuaki Tuarua-Hauora
Iwi: Ngāti Raukawa, Ngāruahinerangi
Tohu: BSc
Īmera: jamie.winiata@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Jenna-Faith Allan
Mahi: Kaituhi
Iwi: Taranaki, Ngāti Maniapoto, Ngāti Kahungunu
Tohu: BA (Psychology & Māori Studies)
Īmera: jenna-faith.allan@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Mandy Leckie
Mahi: Kaitiaki Pūtea
Iwi: Ngā Puhi
Tohu: BCA (Accounting & Commercial Law)
Īmera: mandy.leckie@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Joanna Morgan
Mahi: āpiha Tikanga
Iwi: Ngāti Tūwharetoa, Tainui, Ngāti Raukawa ki te kaokaoroa o Pātetere
Tohu: Graduates Diploma in Teaching (Secondary)
Īmera: joanna.morgan@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Mariana Whareaitu
Mahi: āpiha Pāpāho
Iwi: Ngāti Ruanui, Ngāruahinerangi,
Tohu: BA (Anthropology & Māori Studies)
Īmera: mariana.whareaitu@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Lashania Fraser-Johnson
Mahi: āpiha Whakangāhau
Iwi: Ngāi Tahu
Tohu: BA (Psychology & Māori Studies)
Īmera: lashania.fraserjohnson@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Dayna Eggeling
Mahi: āpiha Pūtea
Iwi: Kai Tahu, Ngāti Toa Rangatira
Tohu: BA, Hons (Māori Studies)
Īmera: dayna.eggeling@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Natalie Goldsmith
Mahi: āpiha Hākinakina
Iwi: Ngāti Porou, Ngāti Kahungunu
Tohu: BA (Māori Resource Management & Psychology)
Īmera: natalie.goldsmith@vuw.ac.nz

Ingoa: Racheal Anipatene McGarvey
Mahi: āpiha ākonga
Iwi: Ngāi Tūhoe, Ngāti Awa, Ngā Puhi, Ngaiterangi
Tohu: BA (Māori Studies, Te Reo Māori, Political Studies)
Īmera: racheal.mcgarvey@vuw.ac.nz

Claims He’s Still All About the “Good Times”

First-Year Law and Commerce student Phil Heedie shocked friends this week when he claimed to prefer drinking for the taste, rather than drinking to get drunk.

“I used to think we just drank for the good times, eh.”

Heedie’s realisation came last Wednesday, when he accidentally ordered a Tuatara Hefe, instead of his old favourite Tui, at a bar in town.

“I was like, real smashed, and couldn’t remember what animal it was, eh.”

When his beer cost twice the price and tasted “real good, eh”, Heedie knew something was up.

Heedie has since taken to purchasing boutique beers and drinking in moderation, an experience which he says has totally changed his perspective.

“I thought I, like, knew the good times, eh. But these are the real good times.”

Salient understands that Heedie has now replaced his old haunts, the Big Kumara and Temperance, with Courtenay Place’s The Malthouse.

But although Heedie still claims to be about the good times, his reformed opinions have not been received well by others.

Friends of the student are alarmed at Heedie’s rapid change in behaviour and attitude.

“Phil used to be our boy, eh. Yesterday he told me Tui was actually a bit shit. That’s not boys, eh.”

Negative comments made by Heedie on the Facebook page “Tui, Shit Yeah” have also caused problems in his circle of friends.

Heedie says that he hopes these conflicts can be resolved over a cold pint of Epic Pale Ale.

VUWASS broke from tradition last week when they successfully carried out a by-election with no constitutional mishaps whatsoever.

In the past VUWASS’s attempts to fill vacancies mid-year have been marred with constitutional illegalities associated with no confidence and the setting of dates. In 2009 parts of the by-election were ruled invalid by an independent arbitration panel.

However, following the release of results last week, Salient can confirm that all procedures followed were in accordance with the VUWASS constitution.
When spoken to by Salient, President Max Harding seemed pleased with the result.

“We really do try our best to keep everything above board and legal. Obviously we would prefer that the constitutional rules were always adhered to, but that’s a lot easier said than done.”

Salient understands that a number of clauses in the constitution have caused problems for VUWASS in the past. Terms such as ‘week’, ‘voting’ and even ‘VUWASS Executive’ have been a cause for confusion. A proposal to revise these more perplexing terms is currently being investigated.

VUWASS will celebrate the lawful results of their by-election at Mount Street Bar next week.

E pupū ake ana, e pupū ake ana ngā kare ā-roto inā kitea ai te kōraha o Papatūānuku ki te hau kāinga. Kei te pūtake o te maunga tītōhea o Taranaki tērā. Ko Ngāti Tamaahuroa, ko Titahi ērā, kei te rohe o Ngāruahine, Ko Oeo te manga, me te pā i waihotia ai e ngā mātua tūpuna.

E hia kē ngā rau tau, ngā ngahuru tau kua moremore te whenua, kua takahia rawatia e te kōpae tāngata me āna nekenekehanga, e te kāhui kau, me āna nukunukuhanga? He painga kua puta? Mō ētehi – he whenua, he kai, he pūtea, he oranga.

Kua pēhea koe e te ūkaipō, Papatuputupuwhenua? Kua pēhea koe Ranginui – ōu roimata aroha anahe e uhina ana tō whaiāīpō, i te hurahanga o tōna kākahu. Kua marara ngā uri whakatipu, ngā mokopuna ki te ao. E kawea ana rātou e nga hau pihi, e nga hau marangai anō nei he kākano…he kākano, he purapura, he tupu i whakarerea atu ai i te kāinga…

Tōtara, i tanumia koe i hea?
Kua whakatakotohia koe ki hea, Mānuka? Kua pau rawa koe i a Mahuika?
Tō ai koe i hea, ngāuteute? Me koe, Moemoe?
Nō wai te tatua i haria atu ai koe, kūmara?

Nei rā te mihi ki a koe Ahumairangi, ki a koutou ko ngā maunga whakahī, ko ngā toka tū tapu rā, ko ngā pae tū mātotorutanga tangata mai, huri noa, huri noa. Tū tonu rā koutou hei maru, hei tauranga mō ngā kākano, mō ngā uri o ngā mātā waka.

Areare te taringa, wherawhera te ngākau ki te waimanawa ā te kāhui kahika o ngā rā ki tua. Ka kapohia ngā nui e iri ana ki te pātaka o te kupu, kei ngā whare kōrero o te motu. Ko Tāne Whakapiripiri tērā. ko Te Tumu Herenga Waka tērā. Ko Tipuahororangi, ko Tipuahoronuku ērā. Ko te whare o Rongo hoki tērā. Kua rongo i te kōingo kia hoki whakateuru, ki te whenua tupuna, ki te whenua tupu.

Kua kotahi me te haurua tau i te whakatōtanga o Ngā Purapura, arā, o te Kaupapa Taiao ki te marae o Oeo. He akoranga, he māramatanga, he hua kua puta.

Ka mihia ngā pahake, ngā Tarati me ngā whānau o Oeo e tautoko ana i te kaupapa. Ka riro ma ngā pou tūturu o Ngā Purapura, mā ngā ringaringa me ngā waewae, te mahi mutunga kore e mahi! Kia pua, kia hua he oranga mō te iti, te rahi.

Nā Hugh Cargill rāua ko Sally Hīkaka ngā whakaahua nei i hopu.

Mehemea e mōhiotia ana koe ki te whanga o Ōwhiro kei reira te rori matua o 72 Happy Valley ngā whare o Mokai Kainga me ngā māra hapori o Ōwhiro.

Ko Mokai Kainga tētahi Ratonga Hauora Māori e kaha ana ki te whakatō i ngā tikanga o te whakawhanaungatanga, te hauora, te mātauranga, te rapu mahi mā te ‘Māori, mō te Māori’ i te hapori o Ōwhiro me Te Whanganui-ā-Tara.

I te pikinga o ngā utu o te kai mā ngā whānau, me te kaha pēhitanga i runga i ngā whānau ki te utu i o rātou pire hei oranga mō rātou, i tīmatahia tēnei kaupapa o ngā māra kai mō te hāpori o Ōwhiro e Mokai Kainga. Otirā, i pau katoa ngā ngakinga māra i Brooklyn, ka whakaarohia e Robert Te Whare, te kaiwhakahaere o Mokai Kainga, ki te whakamahi i ngā whenua i muri i ōna whare hei wāhi āhuru, hei whakatō kai mā te hapori.

Ono marama ki muri i tīmata te whakapai o ngā whenua i muri i ngā whare o Mokai Kainga hei whakarite i ētahi māra. I ngā wā o mua ko ēnei whenua katoa he kōawa.

Ki te haere koe ki reira ināianei he rahi ngā māra, he hōpua kei reira kī ana i te tuna me te wātakirihi, he rakiraki kei reira mō ngā tamariki hei whāngai hoki.

Nō reira ki te pīrangi koe, tō whānau me ōu hoa ki te whakatō kai, mahi māra rānei, haramai ki te tono i tētahi māra māu.

Ka haramai ngā whānau mai Strathmore rānō ki te whakatipu kai, arā noa atu ngā momo tāngata ka haramai ki te whakatipu kai mō a rātou whānau.

Ko te nuinga o ngā kai e whakatipu ana ki ngā māra nei, he mea koha mai i ngā whānau, arā, he ‘heirloom’ katoa ngā kākano. Tekau mā rua ngā momo rīwai e whakatipu ana ki reira. E rima o ērā he rīwai Māori. He puna kei reira mō ngā whānau, he rongoā Māori anō hoki o reira.

I tēnei tau i tohatoha katoa ngā kai mai i ngā māra ki ngā whānau katoa o te hāpori o Ōwhiro, puta noa atu ki Porirua, ki Te Awakairangi. Otirā, e mahi tahi ana a Mokai Kainga me te Ara Poutama o Aotearoa ki te āwhina i ngā tāngata e raru ana i te ture ki te mahi i roto i ngā māra. Arā, ka taea hoki rātou ki te whakahoki ki ngā kāinga i whakatōhia e rātou i ngā māra nei.

He rahi ngā painga kua puta i ēnei māra, ahakoa kotahi tau noa iho ēnei māra e tipu ana. Ko te tūmanako ka muia ēnei māra e ngā ringa raupā, ngā ringa whānau hei ngā tau e heke mai nei.

Anei ētahi tohutohu mai i ētahi o ngā kaingaki māra o ngā māra nei:
• Kaua e haere ki te māra, ki te mate wahine koe
• Kaua e patero (ka aroha hoki ki ngā huanga kai!)
• Kaua e whakatō kai mēnā kei te riri koe
• Kuhu ana koe ki te māra i tō wā tuatahi, karakia ki a koe anō.

Mēnā kei te hiahia koe i tētahi ngakinga māra, waea atu ki a Mokai Kainga: (04) 383 4922.

E ai ki te māramataka tūturu a ētahi iwi Māori, ka tīmata te mātahi o te tau i te marama hou me te eanga o Matariki i te ata hāpara. He kāhui whetū a Matariki. E mōhiotia whānuitia ana e ngā iwi maha o te ao. Ahakoa ngā ingoa rerekē ki tā ia iwi, he ōrite te āhua o ngā whetū e whitu. Mai i Aotearoa ka kitea tēnei whānau whetū i te mutunga o te marama o Haratua, i te tīmatanga o te marama o Pipiri rānei. He kōrero ake tā ia iwi e pā ana ki a Matariki. Ki ētahi ka whakanuia a Matariki i tōna putanga, ki ētahi atu ka tatari kia hua te marama, atu anō ka tatari kia kōwhiti te marama hou.

I ngā wā o ukiuki, ka tohutohu a Matariki i te wā pai o te whakatō kai. Inā, ka mārama te āhua o ngā whetū, ka mōhio he mōmona ngā kai, nā ka whakatō kai ngā tūpuna i te marama o Mahuru. Engari, ki te rehurehu, nohopiri ngā whetū he tohu tērā o te mātao o te wā nā ka whakatō kai i te marama o Whiringa-ā-nuku. Kua kitea, he tino hirahira tēnei kāhui whetū ki ngā tūpuna. Ehara i te mea ka hoko kai i ngā toa, e hika e, ko tēnei te matatau o rātou ki tō rātou ao. He oranga te kai, he oranga te mōhiotanga. He whakatūpato anō ki te tangata, hei whakataukī ake te whakaaro, “Whatungarongaro te tangata, toitū te whenua”, ka tika me hoki anō ō tātou whakaaro ki a Papatūānuku, ki a Tangaroa, ki a Tāne me ō rātou tamariki ngā hua o te whenua, o te moana, o te ngahere hoki, me kī te oranga o te tangata.

He wā hoki o te hauhake, arā, he maha te kai. He nui ngā whakataukī hoki mō tēnei wā, “Matariki ahunga nui”, ko tēnei te kōrero o taua mea te rahi o te kai. “Ka kitea a Matariki, kua maoka te hinu”, ko te whakamāramatanga o tēnei he pānga anō ki te kaupapa kai. Ki tā Grove rāua ko Mead, he wā pai te wā o Matariki ki te mahi manu, mahi kiore hoki arā he maha ngā huahua. Nā whai anō, ka whakanuia a Matariki.

I muri i te taenga mai o te ao ki Aotearoa, kua tata mate te wā o Matariki. I te ngahuru tau kua pahure, e rongonui haere ana a Matariki. Kua rongohia te wā i ngā kāinga maha o te motu, ahakoa Pākehā, ahakoa Māori. Atu i ngā kaimahi ahuone, kāore tātou e whakaaro ki te rerekētanga motukanga o te wā engari ka mōhiotia whānuitia te kupu Matariki me tōna tūranga hei tīmatanga o te tau hou Māori. Ko tētahi atu āhua o te wā Matariki, ko ngā pākau. Ko te whakaaro o tēnei, ka rere atu te pākau ki te rangi, noho ai ki ngā whetū e pīata mai hei ārahi i a mātou o te whenua.

Nō reira whānau he whakaaro tēnei ki a rātou kua ngaro. Me ngā pātai, ka pēhea koe e whakanui i tēnei mahi rawe a ngā tūpuna? Ināhea koe i titiro whakarunga ai ki ngā whetū o te rangi? Ko te whakaaro ka mōhio te katoa i tēnei whakamārama ‘te tau hou o te Māori’ engari he aha te ngako o te kōrero. Kei ngā kupu whakataukī te whakaaro whakamutunga, ‘Hoki ki tōu maunga kia horoia e ngā hau a Tāwhirimātea’, e hoki ki tōu whānau, ki tōu hapū, ki tōu whare wānanga ki te whakatō i te kākano o te mātauranga ki tōu hinengaro kia maumahara, he purapura koe i ruia mai i Rangiātea.

Momo kai

Kūmara—600 kerēme, kua waruhia,tapahia, ngakungakutia
Rīwai—4 rahi tauwai (medium), waruhia, tapahia, ngakungakutia
Paukena—250 kerēme, waruhia, tapahia, ngakungakutia
Pēkene—4 poroangi, tapahia, ngakungakutia
Aniani—1 rahi tauwai, tapahia, ngakungakutia
Tōmato—2 rahi tauwai, taphia, ngakungakutia
Titiwai—1 peka, horoia, tapahia, ngakungakutia
Hua manu—3, kōhua mārōtia, whakangakungakutia
Hinu Oriwa (Pata rānei)—1 koko rahi
Pepa kaene—1 koko rahi
Tumeriki ngakungaku—1 koko rahi
Tote—1 koko rahi
Pepa—ki tōna rekanga
Waiū mōmona—600 miririta
Waiū—250 miririta
Tīhi—pārekareka, ngakungakutia
Paraoa ngakungaku—hei pūehuehu uhi kapipai te tīiti

Ngā Tohutohu

1. Whamahanatia te umu ki te 180 orau. Pania te kumete umu ki te pata
2. Wai-koropupūtia ngā kūmara, rīwai me te paukena kia weherua te maoa.
3. Ringitia atu te nuinga o te wai me te āpiti poro pata ki roto, ka raua atu ki te kumetū umu ka waiho ki tahakī.
4. Whakaweratia he hinu, pata rānei ki roto kōhua, ka āpiti ngā aniani kia tata māoa, ka apiti hoki i ngā kīnaki (seasong) me te pēkene ka whakaoti te tunu.
5. Huia atu te waiū, te huamanu me te tōmato ki roto i te huinga pēkene kua tata maoa ka raua atu nga kāputi tata māoa me te kōrori ngāwari katoatia.
6. Māturuturu atu te tīhi ngakungaku me te rū kōangiangi atui te paraoa ngākungaku ki runga atu o te tīhi kua ngakungaku.
7. Tunua i roto umu mo te 35–50 meneti, ā kia ngāwari pai ngā hua whenua.
8. Māu anō e mea ki raro i te rinowera kia tunua parauritia te tīhi o runga.
www.icook.co.nz/pages/maori/Kumara_Bake_Maori.htm

He Kūmara Roroi
(Kūmara Pudding)

Ngā Whakaritenga:

Whakaritenga ngā mea katoa
Horoia ngā ringaringa
Ngā tautapu:
• he naihi koi
• he paepae tunu papaku
• he taputapu kuoro
• he omu
Ngā Kai
6 ngā kumara āhua rahi
1/2 kapu huka (kei a koe te tukunga)
he pata, he inu ranei (kai iti nei) he pani i te paepae tunu

Ngā Tohutohu

Whakamahanatia te omu kia 180ºC te pāmahana.
kuhuna komohia te pae omu ki roto o te omu i te tuatahi
Pania te paepae tunu ki te pata, kite hinu rānei
Āta horoia ngā kumara ki te wai
Kuorotia he “roroi”
Whakatakotoria te roroi nei ki te paepae tunu.
Uwhiuwia te huka ki runga ake
Tapahia te kūmara kotahi e toe ana
Horaina ngā tapahanga kūmara ki runga ake, te roroi mā e tunua ana.
Tunua i toto i te umu mō te 1 haora.
Kua rite ki te kai. Whakamātauria te waipupura, te kirimi rānei hei kinaki. Kia mātao te roroi, ka taea anō te tapahi, ka pani kite pata me te tiamu.
www.icook.co.nz/pages/maori/He%20Kumara%20roroi_maori.htm

Kānga Piro
(Fermented Corn)

Ngā Kīnaki

Kānga mā (waruhia)

Ngā Tohutohu

Purua te kanga mā ki roto i tetahi pēke parāoa puehu, ā, purua ki roto i te wai mā e rere ana, ki roto i tētahi taramu rānei (ki te mahi mā roto taramu, me huri te wai ia rā).

Waiho mō ngā marama e rua ki roto i te wai. Ki te ngāwari te kānga, tēnā, kua rite. Tango kia rua ngā kapu kānga, horoia, ā, tūpenupenutia.

Purua kia ono ngā kapu wai e koropupū ana ki roto i tētahi hōpane, ā, tāpiri atu te kānga tūpenupenu, kōrarihia ētahi wā.

Waiho kia koropupū iti noa i runga i te wera ngāwari mō te kotahi hāora.

Whakaratongia ki te kirīmi me te huka. Kia maha te huka.

He Hupa Pipi
(Pipi Soup)

Ngā Kīnaki

Kotahi te kapu pipi
Hāwhe tīpune natimeke
Kotahi te aniani kua tapatapahia
E rua ngā kapu wai
E rua ngā pune rahi o te pāhiri
Kotahi te pune rahi o te pata
Tote me te pepa, kia reka
E rua ngā pune rahi o te puehu kānga

Ngā Tohutohu

Mōtetehia ngā pipi, raua atu ki roto i tētahi hōpane me te wai, aniani me te pāhiri. Waiho mō te 30 miniti kia koropupū iti noa.

Tātarihia, raua atu ki rō, whakahanumi [mix] rānei, kātahi whakahokia ki te hōpane.

Kōrarihia kia rua ngā pune rahi miraka me te puehu kānga, kātahi tāpiri ki ngā pipi natimeke hoki, ā, kōrarihia ētahi wā kia koropupū.

Tāpiri te tote me te pepa kia reka.

Tango, whakarato me te rewana, parāoa parai ranei.

Kirīmi Pāua
(Creamed Paua)

Ngā Kīnaki

E rua ngā pune rahi o te parāoa puehu
E rua ngā pune rahi o te pata
Kotahi te kapu miraka
Te tote me te pepa
Kotahi te aniani
500 karamu o te pāua
Hāwhe kapu o te kirīmi

Ngā Tohutohu

Hei mahi i te kīnaki, rewahia te pata, kātahi ka tāpiri atu te parāoa puehu. Tāpiri atu te miraka, ā, ka kōrarihia i runga i te wera ngāwari kia kukū. Tāpirihia te tote me te pepa.

Kia rahirahi te tapahi o tētahi aniani, ā, tāpiri atu ki te kīnaki. Hipa atu te 10 miniti, tāpiri kia 500 karamu o te pāua, kōrarihia.

Tāpiri atu he hāwhe kapu o te kirīmi, waiho kia koropupū, kātahi tangohia mai te werawera. Taupokia, waiho kia tunu te pāua.

Ki te hiahia koe, tāpiri atu kotahi te tīpune o te puehu kare ki te parāoa puehu i roto i te kīnaki mō te pūkara.

Ka whāngai tēnei kai kia whā nga tangata (kia rua ngā Māori e mate kai ana rānei).

Kai Kōhua
(Boil Up)

Iwi Poaka Kōhuatia
Momo Kai

1. Iwi Poaka—3-4 kiro kereme (kk) (tiehutia ki te wai mātao)
2. 8-12—Rīwai, rahi haurua, waruhia, horoia, tapahia hauruatia, whakaritea kia 2-4 poro rīwai mō ia tangara.
3. Kūmara—4 kūmara rahi haurua. Waruhia, horoia, tapahia hauwhātia.
4. Wairikiriki, Pūhā rānei—kōurutia ki te wai.

Ngā Tohutohu

Whakaritea te Wairikiriki, te Pūhā rānei, (ā, tētehi atu rau kākāriki rānei) 30 meneti pea i mua tata o te maoatanga o ngā iwi poaka, kia mou tonu ai te matamatanga o ngā rau. Me whai ipu rahi tonu he whāngai i te whānau toko ono. Kā maoa te wairikiriki me te pūhā, e hekenui tonu ana tōna nui.

• Wairikiriki—Tapahia atu ngā peka raro me te ata horoi i te toenga o ngā rau, ka uhi, ka waiho ki tahaki
• Pūhā—Tapahia atu ngā ūpoko o ngā pūhā, ngā putiputi me ngā peka raro. Āta kōurutia ki te wai me te whakahou i te wai, ka kōuru ano. Ka pērātia ano mo te 2-3 wā. Uhia ki te tauira mākū ka waiho ki tahaki

1. Raua atu ngā iwi poaka kua kōurutia ki te wai ki tētehi kōhua nui, ka whakakī ki te wai ki runga ake o ngā kōiwi. Tunua kia koropupū ka waiho kia mirumiru mai i te weranga ngāwari mo te 2 ki te 2-1/2 hāora, me te whakakī tonu ki te waiwera ki runga ake i ngā kōiwi i te wā e tunu ana.
2. Raua atu ngā rīwai me ngā kūmara ki te kōhua kua tata maoa ngā iwi poaka me te whakapiki ngāwari i te wera. Kia tūpato, kia noho tonu te wai i runga ake o ngā hua whenua. Tunua mo te 20 ki te 30 meneti, ā, ka tango ake i te wā e āhua matamata tonu ana ngā hua whenua.
3. Raua atu te wairikiriki ki ngā iwi me ngā huawhenua. Mētia atu ki runga i ngā kūmara me ngā rīwai me te whakatūpato e kōuru tonu ana i te wai. Kia ngāwari te tunu mo te 15 meneti, ka raua atu ngā poro parāoa, a, tametame rānei, kā waiho noa iho kia tunu. Kaua e kōroria, ā he tikanga ano tēnei (arā te rū tote atu ki tōna rekanga, ā he apiti kīnakinaki i te wā e tohatia ana āra ki runga i te wairikiriki) kā tunu kia ngāwari.
4. Tātaritia ake te wai ka toha me te parāoa Māori i te maoatanga o te wairikirirki, te poro parāoa, te tametame rānei, kua āta maoa ā roto mai.
www.icook.co.nz/pages/maori/Rarangi_Tuna_Kai-boil-up.htm

I te tīmatanga o tēnei marama ka huraina e Te Whare Wānanga o te Upoko o te Ika wētahi pukapuka e aro ana ki ngā kaupapa o te ao Māori me ngā āhuatanga o Te Moana-nui-ā-Kiwa hoki. Koinei te ‘Māori and Pasifika Collection’. Kei ‘Te Pātaka Kōrero’, arā, ko te Whare Pukapuka Matua ki te maunga Ahumairangi, wēnei pukapuka. E noho ana wēnei taonga, wēnei rauemi i roto i te wāhi hou mō ngā tauira Māori tauira Pasifika hoki.

Kua tapaina tēnei wāhi ‘Te Taratara-ā-Kae’, i ahu mai tēnei ingoa mai i ngā kōrero o Tinirau rāua ko Tutunui, he pakiwaitara e hono ana ki te Māori tātou ko ngā whānaunga o te Moana-nui-ā-Kiwa. Waihoki, ko te ingoa he kupu mō te whakairo tawhito kei ngā pātaka o nehe.

He wāhi tēnei e rāhiri, e raupi ake nei i ngā tauira. Anō nei he whare e hāpai ana ki te aki i ngā tauira e nanaiore ana i te ara tukutuku o Poutama. Ka tiro māhoi e koe ki waho rā ka kitea te tino ātaahua o Te Whanganui-ā-Tara. Ka whakairia ētahi whakaahua e whakaatu i ngā whainga o ngā tauira ki te taupaepae matua. Ka tū tētahi pou whakairo i te tomokanga o Te Taratara-ā-Kae. Kei te pito o tēnei wāhi he whāriki, rite tonu te āhua o tēnei ki te putiputi ātaahua, arā, ko te frangipani, i tukua mai e Avis Higgs tēnei whāriki. Waihoki, ka āhei ngā tauira Pasifika ki te whakamahi i tēnei whāriki mō ō rātou ‘fono’, he tino taonga tēnei.

Ki te whakanui i tēnei kaupapa kua tū tētahi whakataetae i waenga i ngā tauira ki te whakahoahoa tētahi tohu mō te tarakina o ngā pukapuka. Kei a Emma Gardiner tēnei hōnore, ka tāpirihia tōna mahi ki ngā pukapuka katoa.

Neke atu i te waru rau o ngā pukapuka i roto i tēnei whakaputunga mō ngā tauira me ngā kaiako e ako ana ki runga i ngā mahinga Māori, mahinga Pasifika hoki. He rauemi tino whakahirahira mō ēnei tāngata e whai ana ki te piki ake ki runga i te ara kairangi. Me te mea nei, he wāhi mō te kotahi, te ako-ā-rōpū, ngā akomanga iti me ngā wānanga.

Kua wehe ngā pukapuka ki roto i ngā kaupapa matua, hei tauira ko Hītori, ko Mātātuhi (Literature), ko Hoahoanga (Architecture) me ērā atu kaupapa. Ko te tino whainga i tēnei wā ki te rapu ētahi atu pukapuka rauemi rānei kia eke ki te 1500 pukapuka. Atu i tērā, ko te tikanga kua huri rauna wēnei pukapuka i waenga i ngā whare pukapuka o Te Whare Wānanga o Wikitōria.

Nō reira, kia mahia ai tēnei rauemi hei taputapu mō tōu hanga whakaaro, me kī, “He mata toki pounamu, e tū te tātai o te whakairo”.

Hei te ata pongipongi o te ra 28th o Hōngongoi ka tū te rā whakatuwhera o Te Taratara-ā-Kae. Kei te taumata tuarua, te tomokanga o te whare, ka kitea tēnei wāhi.

Inā he pātai ōu, tēnā pātai atu ki a David Kukutai Jones.
Pou Whakaapa – Māori and Pasifika Librarian:
Phone: 04 463 9608
Email: David.Jones@vuw.ac.nz

Ko tēnei whakatauki he whakatauki e hāngai tonu ki te rōpū Ngā Rangahautira, me ngā mahi kei te whakahaerehia e mātou. Ko te tikanga o taua kōrero, he kōrero mō te noho ngātahi me te mahi ngātahi o tērā, o tērā, kia puta kaha roa ngā hua. Mō mātou o Ngā Rangahautira he whakarite wāhi, whakarite kaupapa hoki kia tuitui i ngā tauira ki ngā kaupapa ā whānau, kaupapa Māori kei te Kura ā Ture, tuatahi. Tuarua, he āta honohono i ngā tauira pakeke ki ngā tauira hou kia mate ururoa ki ēnei mahi, kia whai hua, kia kaha roa hoki i roto i ngā tikanga o te ture. Tuatoru, he whakarite kaupapa toi, kaupapa whakangahau kia piki ake te mauri tū, te mauri ora ki roto i ngā tauira Māori. Anō nei, he māngai hoki te rōpū mō ngā tauira Māori e ako ana i te ture.

I ngā paepae ture o te motu, kua whai hua ngā tauira o Ngā Rangahautira. Ko ngā whakataetae kōti ā-motu, te whakataetae māro, ki waenga i ngā whare wānanga o te motu. He whakataetae āta wetewete i te hiranga o te tikanga Māori me te ture Pākehā i roto i te kēhi kotahi. Ka tū te tangata i mua i ngā kaiwhakawā o te Kōti Whenua Māori ki te tuku i ngā tono pēnei ki te rōia. Ā, mā ngā kaiwhakawā anō e whakatau ko wai te tauira toa ki te wetewete i ngā kaupapa me te whakatakoto i aua kōrero i mua i te kōti. I ngā tau whā kua pahure, tokotoru ngā wā kua eke panuku, kua eke hohoro ngā tauira o Ngā Rangahautira ki te kōmata o tēnei whakataetae. I tēnei tau ka tū anō a Ngā Rangahautira ki ngā whakataetae nei. Ko te tumanako kia kake anō ki te angitū o ēnei mahi.

Te Kōmiti Whakahaere o Ngā Rangahautira:

Tūmuaki Wahine: Phoebe Monk
Tumuaki Tane: David Jones
Hēkeretari: Erin Carr
Kaitiaki Pūtea: Piri Norris
Māngai mō ngā tau tuatahi: Stony Tata & Kimiora Tamatea
Māngai mō ngā tau tuarua: Quinn Rosa & Lily Beechen
Māngai mō ngā tau tuatoru: Echo Haronga & Kat Wickliffe

Nā, ko te āhuatanga tonu o tā rātau haere, he haere ā whānau, ā hapū rānei. Kei hoki mai te kōrero ki te tangata e mea ana, “E hoa, i hia kē koe i te tangihanga o te Pīpīwharauroa”, ki te pā mai taua kōrero ki a koe, ko te whakamā tonu te mea ka tino patu i taua tangata. Ka mutu, ahakoa tēnei āhuatanga o te tangata i ētahi wā, he kaha tonu te Māori ki te tohatoha i ā rātau kai, ki tēnā whānau, ki tēnā whānau. Ka tae mai ngā uri ka hoatu ki a rātau hei whakahoki atu ki ō rātau ake kāinga.

He mea ako tonu mā ngā tamariki te kohi kai, ahakoa he kohi wahie te mahi, ka mātaki atu ngā tamariki i ngā pakeke e mahi ana i ā rātau nā mahi, ka haere te wā ka mōhio ngā tamariki nei me pēhea te hī tuna, te hao inanga, hei āhea rānei mau ai i ngā manu, kohi ai i te pikopiko, ki hea hoki kohi ai i ngā kai. I ētahi wā ko te kai tonu ka tohu ki a koe i ahu mai aua kai rā i hea.

Ko ētahi o ngā tino kai ki tō mātau kāinga ko ngā momo moa o te ngahere, arā, ko te Kererū, ko te Pihipihi, ko te Kōkō, arā noa atu ngā momo manu ka kitea ki roto i te ngahere. Ko tētahi anō hoki ko te Weka. Heoi, he wā anō ka mau Weka, ka mau Kererū. Ko te mākiri moa tētahi āhuatanga kāore nei pea i te kaha kitea i ēnei rā. Torutoru noa iho ngā mea mōhio me pēhea te mākiri moa kia kaua e korara ngā wāhanga o te moa. He pīki roa mahi tēnei momo mahi, kāore nei pea e taea e te kotahi engari mā te takitini ka tutuki pai te mahi nei.

Ko te tuna anō hoki tētahi kai pai ki te Māori. Āna, ahakoa nō te awa kotahi ngā tuna nei, he ingoa mō ngā momo tuna ka kitea ki roto i te awa. Ko ētahi o aua tuna he Matamoe, he Piharau, he Horewai. Koinei pea tētahi āhuatanga hei whakaroaro anō mā tātau, ara, kia kaha ake te whakaora anō i ngā ingoa ake o ngā momo tuna.

Ko tētahi mate nui kei te pā mai ki ā tātau katoa, Māori mai, Pākehā mai ko te rerekē haere o ngā wāhanga o te tau, ara, i te raumati kei te makariri, i te hōtoke kei te mahana tonu. Nā reira, kāore nei pea e taea e tātau te whai atu i ngā wā i haere ai ō tātau tīpuna ki te kohi kai.

Ko ngā waiata hari kai anō tētahi āhutanga kāore e tino kitea ake i ēnei rā, ā, ki ētahi ka kiia he waiata heriheri kai, i ētahi wā anō he waiata heriheri huahua kē. Anei tētahi waiata, e kī ana, “He aha rā te mea i tumu mai nei”. E ai ki a Kino Hughes i te tau 1964 i kitea ai ia i ētahi e takina ana i tēnei waiata ki Rūātoki. He mea tīni e ia ētahi o ngā kupu nei:

He aha rā te mea i tumu mai nei kai runga kai te toromiro, kererū pea?
Ka mate te puke tū iho nei,
Ka horehore, ka horehore!
Mate te puke tū iho nei,
Ka horehore, ka horehore!
He kotahi te mea i kimihia ki te kore,
Kore rawa aku iwi ki te mahi kai, ehā!
Hī nekenekehia, hī!

Pakoko ei, pakoko ei,
Pakoko ngā raho o Te Mākarini, pakoko!
He aha rā i pakoko ai?
Nā te kore kai pea!
Pakoko ai ngā raho, pakoko!
Nekenekehia hī, nekenekehia hī!
Pakoko ei,
Pakoko ngā raho o Te Mākarini, pakoko
Nā te aha ai?
Pakoko ai, nā te kore kai pea!
Pakoko ai, pakoko!
Nekenekehia, nekenekehia,
Tēnā, i tukua iho!

moa = he kupu anō mo te manu

Given the many complaints Salient receives following Māori Language Week, we have prepared for you a collection of Māori language learning options that are available to everyone.

Option ā: Te Ātaarangi

Te Ātaarangi is a nationwide programme designed for adults to learn and speak Te Reo Māori. It is largely oral-based, and since starting in the 1970s it has gained recognition as one of the most efficient methods for learning te reo. They run year-long programmes with classes held in the evenings. They follow the same terms as the public school system, allowing for parents and those who are busy during the day. The levels vary depending on your familiarity with te reo Māori, so is helpful to those who have a basic grasp of the language but want to further their learning.

Further information can be found at their website or freephone 0800 282 272.

Option Ē: Te Ara Reo

Te Ara Reo is a programme run through Te Wānanga o Aotearoa. Like Te Ātaarangi it starts at basic conversational language skills for use in traditional and modern contexts. They also have evening classes to cater for those with commitments during the day. The environment of the classroom moves away from the traditional setting to one that is more comfortable and relaxed for students.

Details about the course can be found online via the Te Wānanga o Aotearoa website.

Option Ī: Te Timatanga

Te Timatanga is an introductory language class offered by Te Kawa-a-Māui, the Māori School here at Victoria University. There is a strong emphasis on oral competency in this paper, but also includes learning of reading, writing and translation skills. It is a 100-level paper with no prerequisites or restrictions worth 20 points. MAOR101 starts in trimester one of every year and is often offered during the beginning of the summer period with the follow-up MAOR102 also available.

Information can be found in the University Course Catalogue as well as the office of Te Kawa-a-Māui at 50KP.

Option Ō: Tōku Reo

Tōku Reo is a show that airs on Māori television, Monday–Friday at 3pm and 7pm. The show follows the language resources provided by John Moorfield’s Te Whanake series. It is grammar- and vocabulary-focused, with activities that draw information from speeches provided by fluent Māori speakers. The advantage of watching the show as opposed to reading the books is the listening component provided by the hosts of the show. The added advantage to this show is the ability to take the lessons in your own time and at your own pace, as the shows are also available online from the Māori Television website. Te Whanake can be found at www.tewhanake.maori.nz.

Option Ū: Look it up!

If all you want to do is understand the rest of the magazine and the brilliant content it contains, there are a multitude of dictionaries available online and at the Victoria library. A reference section dedicated to Māori- and Pacific Island-related books officially opened on Tuesday 6 July. They are also very helpful if you do choose to undertake one of the earlier options. A popular favourite for Te Reo majors is the website www.maoridictionary.com.

Mā te tirotiro noa ki ētahi kōrero ō-paki whānui rawa te rangona, kitea ai ētahi whakaaturanga o te kai. Kia whakatauira ake tāku e mea ana:

“Anā tō kai!”
“Ka kai koe i ō hamuti!”
“Kai a te kurī!”
“He tamaiti wāwāhi tahā.”

He ōrite te tikanga o te kōrero tuatahi ki te ‘kaitoa!’ Arā, he kupu e whakaatu atu ana ki te tangata te korehua, te utu hoki o tāna i mahi ai. Ko te tuarua, he kupu whakatūpato kia kore e mahia tētahi mahi kei uru ki te raru. Ko te tuatoru, he momo kangakanga e whakataurite ana i tētahi āhuatanga ki tā te kurī e kai ai. Ko te mea whakamutunga ake, he kōrero mō te tamaiti haututū e whakahōhā ana i ōna mātua, e whakararu ana hoki i ngā mahi o te rā. Nā tana mahi haututū, kua pakaru katoa i a ia ngā hoe, ngā tahā e kawe ana i te kai hei oranga mā tōna whānau. Arā atu anō ngā kīwaha pēnei te hanga. Āe rā, e hia kē ngā kōrero ā-kīwaha e whakahua ana i te kai!

Kāore tēnei āhuatanga e ngaro i te reo whakaari, i te reo whakaniko rānei. Kei reira hoki ōna ake whakaahuatanga mō te kai. Kāore i ārikarika te huhua, te maha hoki o ngā whakataukī, pepeha, kupu whakaari rānei ko te kai te hanganga mō te kīanga rā. Kia whakatauira ake tāku e mea ana:

“Nā tāu rourou, nā taku rourou ka ora ai te manuhiri.”
“Te manu kai miro, nōna te ngahere. Te manu kai mātauranga, nōna te ao.”
“E moe hī aua, e ara hī tuna.”
“Mā te wera o tō mata e kai ai koe i te haunga ahi o te kai.”

Ko te tuatahi nei e hāpai ana i te mahi manaaki tāngata. Ko te tuarua he kupu akiaki i te tangata kia eke ki te tiketiketanga o tana maunga ako. Ko te tuatoru me te tuawhā nei e mea ana ka tutuki pai te mahi i te tangata pukumahi, kore rawa i te tangata māngere. Arā atu anō ngā kōrero whakaari e pā ana ki te kai, engari i ēnei tauira torutoru kei runga rā e kitea ai te whakaaro tāruarua a ō tātou tūpuna mō te kai.

Kei te mōhio kē koutou tē taea te ao Māori nei te huri-ā-porowhita inā kore he kai. Kei te mōhio hoki koutou ki te mahi o te kai i te wā kua riro tapu koutou hei whakanoa anō i a koe. Tē ai he hua o te kauhau ki te tira waiata! Engari he hua tonu i te whakatō purapura me te pātai, nā te aha tātou i tere huri ai ki te kai i a tātou e kōrero ana? Hei aha te kai ki a tātou kia pēnei tō tātou whakakīnaki kōrero e pā ana ki te kai? Kāore e kore he tēpu huatau kē, he kete whakaaro kē, arā he tirohanga kē ki tēnā ki tēnā o tātou. Me te aha anō, me huri te ihu ki hea hongihongi kakara ai? Kia tīkina anō taku pātai i horahia ai ki runga rā: he aha te kai a te reo Māori? Ahakoa tā te Māori e whai ana, huri ai ia ki ōna matea, mei kore aua matea hei oranga ā-wairua, ā-tinana māna, kua mate noa atu ia. Ko Papatūānuku tērā kei te whenua e noho ana āna tamariki, āna mokopuna hoki. Ko ngā rētōtanga o Tangaroa tērā e kauhoe ana ngā tūmomo ika katoa! Ka huri ana te Māori ki te kai, kāore ia e tiro noa ki te kai kua horahia i tana pereti, he tirotiro kē nōna ki te taiao e tāwhio ai i a ia hei poipoi ake i tōna hauora. Mā te kai e ora ai te tangata, mā te tangata e ora ai te kupu.

E hika, kua pau ngā kai! Kua noa noa iho tōku māra whakaaro! Kua maoa ngā tāmaoatanga! Ko te tūmanako nei kua mākona te hiakai, kua kikī te puku kōrero. Nei rā te mihi mahana e rere atu ana ki a koutou e pānui mai nei i tēnei wiki o te reo Māori. Kia reka te kai!

Dear Victoria Students,

I hope you all enjoyed Re-Orientation and caught up with your friends. Thanks to all those who attended VUWSA Speed Dating, Poker Night Round 1, gigs, and the movie night.

Speed Dating take 2? I have got some people telling me to host another so if I get enough interested participants to email me in my contact email below I will endeavour to host another event.

Don’t forget that if you are feeling the winter pinch for whatever reason come see us at the VUWSA office. If you need a little help in the food supply Come visit VUWSA for a food bank parcel and free bread every Wednesday and Friday.

If you are looking for something new to do this trimester, why not join one of Rep Groups that are on campus? They put on regular events and meetings and there are groups for queer students, law, commerce, architecture and design, Pasifika, international, media, women and disabled. There are contact details and information on the VUWSA website.

Things to look out for:

VUWSA By-Election: Voting opens this Thursday and closes on the 5th August. Check out the manifestos of all the candidates in Salient.

Morning Glory with Alan: Friday’s at 11AM on VBC 88.3 FM. Tune in for more information about all the clubs on campus, and the latest in activities happening around town and campus.

VUWSA Poker Series: Thursday 6PM 29 July, Four Kings Bar. $10 buy-in. You can win your trimester worth of books (to the value of $500). Plus Prize packs and spot prizes. Email clubs@vuwsa.org.nz for more.

Dress Up Day: August 17 Mount Street Bar – Dress up as your favourite cartoon/person/school uniforms/anything you like. Ideas include Harry Potter (wizards), Twilight (Team Edward), Heroes (Iron Man), PIRATES or the guy from the tampon ad. At least 500 people need to attend to make it viable, as it’s always nice to know you’re not the only one who decided to dress up! Check out Facebook for more.

Check out the VUWSA website for more activities and events as they come up.

Alan Young
activities.officer@vuwsa.org.nz

This is the very first of what will be fortnightly Education Action Group columns. The Education Action Group is the student group, initiated and supported by VUWSA, to engage students around education based issues and to run forums, campaigns and protests.

This trimester, the Education Action Group will be focusing on issues concerning tertiary education investment.

The recent Budget has seen cuts to tertiary education funding, and many adjustments made to the student loan system. Once again, it is another Government Budget that has sparked the philosophical debate: Is higher education a right or a privilege?

The Education Action Group is your student group to have this debate; it’s your student group to run campaigns around these issues, hold forums and protests.

The 1990s is a perfect example of a period which saw Education Action Groups, in conjunction with student associations, mobilising thousands of students up and down the country to protest against big changes made to the tertiary education system in New Zealand, such as the introduction of the student loan scheme.

Should the Government be charging interest on student loans? Should student allowances be universal? Is it reasonable for the Government to cut tertiary education to the level that the university is putting caps on course entrance, cutting tutorials and lectures?

“Education is a human right with immense power to transform. On its foundation rest the cornerstones of freedom, democracy and sustainable human development.” (Kofi Annan, 2001)”

“The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead.”
(Aristotle)

After considering the words of these well known figures, should we be sitting by watching thousands of New Zealanders struggle to access tertiary education?

Should we be sitting by watching thousands of students struggle to get the best out of the education they have been fortunate to access because of the decline in the quality of education, as a result of the under investment of education in New Zealand?

Ultimately, is education a privilege or a right?

You decide.
 
James Sleep
VUWSA Education Officer
Education.Officer@vuwsa.org.nz

EAG Meeting details:

 
5pm on Wednesday 28th July in meeting room three, level two, Student Union Building.

Unfortunately, the fools at PUNZ believed EAR’s lies and have taken the deeply misguided decision to take away my membership. They tore my cards from my hands like electric frogs taser-tonguing a nice little acorn baby from betwixt its mama’s hands. Which leaves us in a little pickle. Without my PUNZ certification I cannot publicly perform divination in any form.

Never fear, I am, as I write these words beginning the lengthy arbitration-slash-reapplication process to get myself re-carded and thusly be once again able to share with you, my wee army of tomorrow-hungry readers, the future. However, this week it looks like we’ll have to try something a little different. I would simply have foregone this week’s column, but the two-headed Salient control beast Rarahundwu is braying for words with a thirst that can only be described as dementedly alarming, beating its leathery wings against the bile-stained walls of the Salient cove. So, to appease this voracious succubus of student media, I am going to use this space to address some things. I want to talk to you about the massive lies of Emma Rust. I know she’s been talking to you and I just want to set the record straight. I am going to align the crooked LP of your delusions onto a stylus of sanity.

FACT: I have never been to Mexico. This makes it impossible for me to have ever run a small bar in Mexico City which was much more of a front for white slavery and drug smuggling than it was an actual bar. It’s simply illogical! I couldn’t have run Little Diabolo’s Drinksarooni. I just couldn’t. There is no way I would have been able to deal with all the crazed regulars. Like Snowy Joe who was always trying to shiv the Dusky Maiden (a sumo wrestling transvestite). Do you really think that I, Rutherford Dean, would have the fortitude to club two Interpol agents to death with my long gel-hardened hair as they screamed and begged for mercy through ragged, broken hands, telling me of their children and how if I let them go they wouldn’t tell anyone?

FACT: I never licked poison crabs then spat their venom into the wide, vulnerable eyes of endangered owls as they heartbreakingly hooted in distress and fear.

FACT: I have never ever lied about my own personal wealth. Is it really so big of a stretch to believe that I often have so much cash secreted about my person that it becomes physically impossible for me to move under the weight of it, necessitating the purchase of two bionic legs to replace my own? Why can’t there be so many zeros in my bank balance that I had to switch to online banking simply because there aren’t enough trees in the world to produce enough paper to contain my monthly statements?

FACT: I do not need to feast on the flesh of the living to continue this harsh unforgiving half-life of an existence as I trudge this blasted earth, roaming between the hollow husks of buildings, searching for some glimmer of proof that life on this darkened orb of a hell spire has anything worth saving or remembering, as herds of ravenous jackals bite limply at my callow stringy flesh with their rubbery, toothless jaws because no calcium could ever have survived the event.

Now, let me tell you, my venerated readers, about our shared former friend, Ms Rust. She hasn’t seen The Wire. She never responds to texts. She friends people who aren’t her real friends on Bebo. She mispronounces Björk. She degrades metal. She thinks that shorts skirts empower her. Her parents bought her a pony and she was bored of it within days. She thinks that knowing things is the same as understanding things. She presses too hard with pencils. She sold weaponised plutonium to North Korea. I only broke her heart because she broke mine first.

Next week a return to future telling.

Her:

Tall, dark and my second cousin. Like Meatloaf said, “Two out of three ain’t bad.” This delightful tidbit wasn’t gleaned from my date until halfway through our date. As with most things extended family, the details are foggy and boring, and some parts quite shameful. I’m not even sure how second cousins work. My aunt’s cousin’s son? Nope, no idea. But I’m still sure it’s probably illegal. Or should be. But this is not an expose of my genealogical shortcomings. This is a blind date (which you could also say, was foggy, boring and quite shameful). Desperation aside, I had a good time, thanks to the lovely Salienteers and the staff at Garden Bar.

I had never been to the club in its current incarnation. We were seated in the Terrace Bar, which is this funny thing where you’re inside but outside but not. We were told to meet at 8pm so there was no trouble finding each other because we were the only ones in the bar that early. Awkward chit-chat and eight cocktails down, we played battleships on his Sony phone, which was like an iPhone, but not. He went into all the details but I was too drunk to follow. He then went into the failings of Apple products until I felt like I was at some sort of Sony Style Cult meeting. He said he was a commerce student and only worked part time at IRD, but I have my reservations. If I hadn’t met Salient’s lovely editor myself, I would’ve thought that they had bought into some shady deal sending out poor unwitting students on these ‘blind dates’ which are actually just a front for stealthy advertising/market research/recruitment campaigns for big corporations. But maybe that was just the drunk paranoia kicking in. And why bother when you can just set up a fake account on Facebook to spy on people? (Maybe this is my unrealised calling? Corporate spy?)

Anyway, I don’t remember a whole lot. Sony, something something, your aunt’s my aunt or whatever. I don’t know. Who dates? Don’t we all just get drunk in a corner somewhere and fondle someone? My first blind date, probably my last blind date. It was interesting. Thanks Salient!

XOXO

Blind Date Girl (sorry, I just had to)

Him:

So I walk into the bar at like 8.10 and there’s this fit-as chick just chilling at the counter. It was the second level of the Garden Bar which I’d never been to before, but I liked ‘cause it was sort of outdoors but not really. I play ultimate disk (NOT frisbee) in summer so I’m used to the outdoors, but drinking outside buzzed me out a bit.

Anyway, I started talking to her and tried some serious Mystery shit out, dropping a few negs her way, asking her if her nails are real and shit like that. She just didn’t seem to get it so I let her screw around on my phone for a while. She thought it was an iPhone—rookie mistake. I pointed out the “X1 Xperia” on the back of it and totally schooled her on the difference between a real phone and an overpriced touchscreen hunk of junk. By the sixth cocktail I think she was starting to get it and was giving me mad glad-eye. I told her about my job and she asked if I could do her tax return for her. I stopped short of dropping a sweet pickup line in there cause the last time I tried to get someone to do a tax return for me at the office I just got a written warning.

After 9 her eyes sort of drifted towards each other like the time Jareth fell over mid kegger at my 21st, so we talked about where we came from and it turns out we’re related! She was my second cousin so it wasn’t really close enough to be a dealbreaker or anything. Not that we did anything, but if we did it wouldn’t have been weird, right? And it’s probably not illegal, and if it is it’s like pretty much a victimless crime because it’s not like I wasn’t going to use protection so there’s not gonna be like an octopus baby or a wolf child or something.

Taco,

Blind Date Dude

The second option, response b), is one of mild horror. ‘Activist’ is often considered synonymous with ‘terrorist’. Mix-ups aside, there are quite a few issues with the terrorist label anyway. There’s currently no internationally agreed-upon definition of terrorism under criminal law, and the term is often used by authorities to delegitimise opponents while approving of state actions. Whatever the problems with the general concept, activism and terrorism are definitely not interchangeable nouns.

Personally, almost every activist I’ve met has been super nice: they would help you plant your veggie patch, give you a bed when you’re sleepy, a bowl of stew when you’re broke. Terrifying if you’re scared of Scottish Fold kittens, perhaps.

Let’s zoom in and look at activism in its most stereotypical ‘macho’ form: direct action. Direct action is action undertaken by individuals or collectives outside of the usual political field with the aim of realising political, social or economic changes. It’s not necessarily illegal. This is how ‘activism’ is frequently portrayed in conventional media: the newsworthy, train-stopping, ship-jumping side.

There are many environmentalists out there who dislike direct action wholeheartedly. However, many of the groundbreaking events in our history books were scandalous, socially unacceptable and illegal, in their day. Instead of us seeing them in a negative light, time has cast them in a rosy glow. Rosa Parks, women’s liberation, Ghandi’s salt march, peaceful resistance at Parihaka… I think we can all agree that direct action has helped humans get to places we needed to go. When my indignant enviro-pals chorus “but you’re polarising people!”, they are forgetting the freedoms and human rights that radical activism has won. When we need big societal changes, such as for climate change, baby steps like changing light bulbs aren’t going to cut it alone. A problem like climate change is of epic Jurassic Park-like proportions, and calls for many forms of attack; action in Veloraciptor, Diplodoci and T-Rex forms.

Direct action isn’t to everyone’s taste, but that doesn’t guarantee status as a political wallflower. We don’t all have to be Pete Bethunes to make some sort of difference. A whole artillery (unfortunate metaphor) of action on social and environmental crises are needed: grandpas in the rear, writing letters to the editors; mums voraciously picketing on the frontline; students sweeping in from the side to ferociously lobby politicians; young professionals taking out fossil-fuelled power stations left right and centre. Change can come in many forms, regardless of an individual’s personal preferences.

Not only are healthy communities and societies dependent on the participation of us all, being actively involved in deciding how we affect our world is our right.

‘Security dislikes this’

A student’s obsession with the Facebook game FarmVille resulted in vandalism of the Victoria University Quad during the mid-year break.

Kelburn Campus has been left with an exposed square of dirt in its paved quad after a first-year student, known only as Melissa, attempted to recreate her farm on university property.

Security was called to the scene earlier this month after university staff noticed the exposed dirt in the area where a student had previously been seen loitering for long periods of time. Melissa was caught later that day when she returned to her ‘farm’ with seedlings and fertilizer she intended to plant in the square.

Upon being approached by security, Melissa seemed shocked and confused, a spokesperson said.

“According to our officers, the student appeared to have no idea she had committed an offense.”

In a later statement to Salient, Melissa explained that she hadn’t expected her farm to attract any controversy.

“I was expecting to find a mystery egg or a groovy cow when I came back.

“When I first saw the man, I didn’t know I was in trouble. I just thought he was helping to fertilise my crops.”

It remains unclear how Melissa managed to remove the concrete from the quad in the first place.

Security is yet to decide what disciplinary action to take. Salient understands that the area will soon be re-paved, as Security fear that the patch may attract other fanatics.

In an unrelated incident, Auckland University has recently increased security at its marine biology lab after students were found attempting to adopt sea slugs for their Happy Aquarium.

As someone who is, admittedly, a bit of a sucker for beauty products—and also for enviro-guilt—I wanted to create at least some small balance in my cosmetic consumption. I found a recipe for cold cream in a craft magazine—it seems simple to make, needing only three essential ingredients, and is touted as an effective substitute for makeup remover, moisturiser, lip balm and body lotion. Better yet, it’s cost-effective and the packaging is reusable and recyclable—just clean an old jam jar and lid (or any similar kind of glass jar) and keep the cream in there.

To make, you will need:
84ml of olive oil
28g of beeswax (available from the Honey Shop, corner Mercer and Victoria Streets)
2tbsp of rosewater (as far as I can tell, only available online, just google “buying rosewater in New Zealand”. I found a product at $19.00 incl postage for 200ml)
You can also choose to add a few drops of essential oil if you like, to add scent.

Method:
1. Put beeswax and olive oil in a jar and stand in a pan of hot water. Warm them until the wax has just melted.
2. Warm the rosewater and pour slowly into the oil/ wax mix while stirring.
3. Remove from the heat, continue to stir until cool and thick.
4. This is the point where you can add some essential oil if you wish—just add a few drops and stir in gently.
5. Transfer to the jar and you’re done.

To use as a makeup remover, wipe the cream on, let it sit for a few moments, then wipe it off with a flannel. As any kind of moisturiser, just use as you normally would. Apparently you can also combine cold cream with oatmeal and use it as a scrub—handy for dry elbows and feet in winter.

The benefits of using a product like this is that, despite the initial cost of first purchasing the products, the process for making it is quick and easy and you can remake batches again and again, at a much cheaper cost overall than purchasing beauty products from a shop. You also get the added benefit of knowing exactly what is going on your skin (and knowing it’s all natural), plus the initial feel-good factor of sustainable packaging.

If you can’t be faffed making your own beauty products (craft zines from the public library are a great source for do-it-yourself beauty recipes, just as a side note for those who can be faffed and are interested in finding more), then you can at least try to monitor the kinds of products you buy to see how sustainability-minded the companies that produced them are. A search on the internet yielded mainly international companies, which are available off the internet (argh, the air miles!), but one company which does offer sustainable packaging and is available in Wellington is Lush—most of its soaps and shampoos come in bar form and have little to no packaging (depending on whether or not you choose to take your own container with you when buying). Their deodorants also come in bar form and liquid products come in black tubs, which can be returned to the store you bought them from to be recycled. The same goes for bottle tops and any other plastic containers Lush uses—most of them are designed to be able to be recycled in the same way you would recycle a drink bottle.

If anyone knows of any other available products in Wellington (and even better, if they know any locally owned companies with these kinds of sustainable ethics), then I urge you to write in to the Salient letters page to let the rest of us know, and assist me (and all others interested) in our quest for a sustainable beauty regime.

Email suggestions for an upcoming Animal of the Week to elle@salient.org.nz.

Candy Badger is Salient’s resident advice guru. If you need any help with relationships, flatting, university or anything else, drop her a line at candy.b.badger@gmail.com.

Dear Candy Badger,

JONO BONEZ

Dear Jono,
Being Japanese is okay. I mean, I’ve never actually been Japanese (or to Japan), but one time we had a Japanese exchange student at my house. We weren’t allowed to tell my grandfather though—he was in World War II and not at all down with Japan.

Pokemons are Japanese, and everyone likes them, except for when you’re trying to go somewhere and a fucking fatass Snorlax is blocking your way. Maybe you could carry a samurai sword and chop him up and turn him into sushi. So just roll with it.

Sayonara Jono san,
Candy

[Editor’s note: Clearly Candy Badger does not get that this letter references a song entitled ‘Turning Japanese’ by The Vapors. Did they do any other songs? Like, ever?]

Dear Candy,

I-tried-licking-the-screen-but-it-didn’t-taste-so-good

Dear You
I hope we’re talking about a real man and not just the Microsoft Word talking paperclip, because I have a feeling his diddle is quite small and sharp. He’s also fucking annoying and asks too many questions.

Other people to not fall in love with:
• People who show you their cock on Chatroulette
• Cops in chatrooms pretending to be children to lure creepy internet people into lives behind bars
• Nigerian scammers
• Spambots (which aren’t people at all, just robots with poor grammar)

Anyone else is fair game. If you meet them in real life, do it in a public place yada yada no dark alleys, take a taser, use a condom, etc. Don’t have sex with your computer because a lot of people get computer mouses stuck up their bums and then have to go to hospital and that’s awkward (especially the getting-to-the-hospital part—I recommend an ambulance rather than driving yourself or waddling there). And you can also get electrocuted through your secretions.

That’s all for now,
Candy

I blame the French. Oh, their food may be delicious, and their red wine may be the only thing keeping most theatre students from realising the futility of their efforts and choosing a real degree like Comparative Literature or Eugenics, but the whole nation appears to be one Cognac away from breaking out ye olde Guillotine and re-floating the Rainbow Warrior just so they can sink it again. J’accuse!

This column will hopefully teach you that while theoretically interesting, Philosophy is evil and you should just do whatever your parental guardians or peer group tells you to do.

This week… Jean-Paul Sartre (Existentialist philosopher/anarcho-communist revolutionary)

Jean-Paul Sartre was the epitome of fashionable French public intellectual, he was in a long-term relationship with fellow philosopher/feminist icon Simone de Beauvoir (but had numerous affairs with women of note), palled around with Che Guevara and Albert Camus, and was even pardoned by Charles de Gaulle because, as he argued “You don’t arrest Voltaire.”

His philosophy was equally chic, but slowly became either comical or horrific, depending on your interpretation. This may be due to the fact that he was mostly taking the piss.

To honour this great man I shall submerge myself in the philosophical ideas of Sartre, basing my every decision for one day on a mean-spirited bastardisation of his lifeworks.

Day: Sartre
Time: 8:25:43:16 am
I must choose my clothing for the day, but this has been hindered by the fact that colours are inherently bourgeois and therefore counter-revolutionary. I opt for a black on black (on black) ensemble to signify my unity with the proletariat—and it’s washing day, but mainly for the reasons I just stated.

Day: Sartre
Time: 10:25:00 am
Some guy at the bus stop calls me an ‘emo’, does this man not understand that these taunts are but meaningless anti-revolutionary labels that stem from false consciousness? I’ll show him.

Day: Sartre
Time: 10:26:03 am
I yell, “What are labels in a void of inauthenticity?” ZING!

Day: Sartre
Time: For another revolution
Wake up on the ground of the bus stop. My face is sore but I have successfully created chaos (and therefore revolt) in the hearts of the people—well, it was only one guy, and he also stole my beret, but if that’s what it takes to break through then so be it.

Day: Sartre
Time: 11:47:31 am
Now getting sick of being called an emo. Yes, these are the words of the desperate holding on to whatever false sense of existence they can grasp on to, but the last guy threw a road cone and I think I’m bleeding internally. I shake this off, blood will be split in the eternal revolt and I found enough change while hiding under the bus stop to buy a coffee.

Day: Sartre
Time: 12:19:27 pm
I ask for my coffee black, preferably with a revolutionary zest to it (cigarette butts are preferable, though cinnamon is also acceptable and delicious—err, I mean, it’s an earned authentic experience and therefore acceptable under this crazy scheme).

Day: Sartre
Time: 1:04:49 pm
Maybe my challenges to the accepted state of being have been too small (and have involved more beatings then I had hoped for). Therefore I must take to fight to the powers that be.

Day: Sartre
Time: 1:10:12 pm
After realising that the guy who writes with chalk on the Manners Mall is too far away, especially in my physically diminished state, I opt for the destruction of the most insidious power structure I can find in a 100m distance… VUWSA.

Day: Sartre
Time: 1:15:03 pm
After the troubles of the last edition of ‘Engaging with Innards’, VUWSA President Max Hardy was not ‘happy’ to see me. Even so, he let me speak and only threw me out of his office after the third time I rationally explained that “In order for the bourgeois to be awoken from their state of false-consciousness, heads must roll so as to wake the masses to the inauthentic nature of knowledge. And by ‘heads must roll’ I mean we’re going to have to start chopping off peoples’ heads.”

Overall I think the meeting went well, while he appeared to be physically disgusted by these concepts, this terror had awoken him to the dark consequences of our ‘freedom’. We are condemned to be free, and he is condemned to have crazy people like me yell things at him every week.

Day: Sartre
Time: 2:33:01 pm
Quitting time is finally here, but before I can throw off Sartre completely I must remove myself from the public and confront a hell far greater than ‘other people’, LOLCATS.

This week is VUWSA’s environment week. It’s kind of like women’s week, but with trees and ocean and stuff. This is the environment issue of Salient. It’s nothing like the women’s issue at all. And I’m not going to write about the environment. You’ve got the rest of the magazine to read all about that.

How about tertiary education? That’s something we all have in common.

You’ll see in the news section we’ve got a lot of coverage of Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce’s speech at Vic last week. Leaving the content of his speech aside, it’s nice to see a Tertiary Education Minister actually front up and talk to the key stakeholders in the sector.

Joyce also addressed the recent NZUSA Conference, a gesture which indicates he is at least willing to engage constructively with students and students’ associations on tertiary education issues. Joyce hasn’t shied away from student media either, which is a marked difference from the infamous Anne Tolley. Tolley got herself a bit of a rep last year after Salient, Craccum and Critic embarked on the so-called ‘Great Tolley Hunt’ in an attempt to track her down for comment. Kia ora Steven, kia ora—thanks for talking to us, even if we don’t always see eye-to-eye on your plans for tertiary education.

One of the main talking points of Joyce’s speech is the compulsory fee charged to students for non-academic services, AKA, the student services levy. The mainstream media has jumped on the levy bandwagon of late, helped in part by a One News story featuring a student who said they were “bullied” into paying the compulsory student services levy and students’ association membership fee. Together these fees add up to about $700, which is no small sum of money, but it’s important to remember what exactly it pays for.

Let’s take the student services levy. The $510 you forked out at the beginning of this year—go and check your fees assessment, it’s there—funds stuff like student health, the counselling service, accommodation services, disability services, student learning support services, financial support and advice, recreation services and crèches, among others. These are essential support services, and without them, many students would find studying at Vic even more of a challenge, if near impossible.

I would suggest that many students don’t fully understand what the student services levy pays for and provides—with a greater understanding of the services provided by the university, which are there for our benefit, we may see fewer instances of students feeling outraged that they are forced to pay a fee for services they say they don’t need or don’t use. In the end, while you may not be using the services yourself, you probably have a friend, flatmate, neighbour or classmate who has made use of the services funded by the student services levy. You never know when you might find yourself in financial strife. You never know when you might need to see a doctor. Heck, you might just want some help on an essay to try to up your grades.

We need to tread carefully on the issue of compulsory fees for non-academic services. We need to think about affordability. We need to think carefully about what services are not only of benefit to us personally, but are of benefit to fellow students. We’re pretty much one big family after all. We’ve gotta look out for each other.

But a couple of final environment-related things: thank you to Zack Dorner, VUWSA’s environment officer, for all his hard work for this issue. You seriously rule and everything was in by deadline. My job/life was made so much easier. Thank you to everyone who contributed articles.

This week we’re doing a limited print run of only 3000 copies of Salient, instead of the usual 5000. Share the magazine around, give it to your friends, put it back in the baskets for someone else to read. It’s our way of easing our environmental burden, even if it’s just a little bit.

“Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something”
—Gil Scott-Heron

And so it is that we have reached another VUWSA Environment Week and environment issue of Salient.

Some of you will be perusing this Salient and, like myself, know a lot about environmental issues as a matter of course. Maybe you’ve been an environmental activist for a while, maybe you’re doing your major in environmental studies. Maybe you think it’s all a load of crap so you’ve found out about the issues in order to counter arguments put up by environmentalists.

Some of you will know little about the issues, and like it that way. If this is you, I suggest you don’t bother reading much of this Salient and flick to the bits that have nothing to do with the environment (although I do recommend the bit about how to keep your flat warm).

For the rest of you lot, you have much to gain by reading at least some of the articles in this fair magazine, and coming to one or two of the events happening during Environment Week. You either don’t know much but would like to know more, or are indifferent. For this one week you can find out some of the mysteries of what makes environmentalists tick, and what all the fuss is about.
Indigenous cultures give quite a bit of insight into what it means to have a culture connected to their natural surroundings. Maori, for example, in their few centuries in Aotearoa wiped out all large bird species like Moa according to Micheal King’s brilliant History of New Zealand, before adapting to a more sustainable way of life. Evidence of the emergent sustainable culture can be found in iwi approach to their water. By maintaining the mauri (life force) of the local fresh waterways, there are many benefits. The ability of an iwi to provide tuna (eels) to their members and to other iwi is a sign of mana.

It seems our current, global culture with “Western” roots is still in its unsustainable phase. The United Nations Millennium Ecosystem Assessment (2005) says species extinction rates are currently about a thousand times faster than the natural rate of extinction. We are in the middle of the sixth major extinction episode in Earth’s history; extinction episodes that have always marked an abrupt change. Not only are we cleaning the world’s ocean of fish (projected by Science magazine to be free of fish we currently eat by 2050), changing the worlds climate and using up the oil that our modern society depends on; in clean green New Zealand we have taken the mauri from many of our rivers, filling them instead with cow shit and toxic waste. These issues affect everyone on Earth (including students!), and the state of our climate and oceans depend as much as on what you and I do as what a Ugandan, Chinese or American person does.

So will we become a more sustainable culture like many indigenous cultures did in the past, or will we blindly continue to destroy much of what we depend on for survival? Is it too much to re-connect ourselves with the natural world and figure out what it is that needs to be done?

If you’re still reading by this point, you’ll hopefully be glad to see what I’m about to say next.

These are big questions, and it’s not all up to you to fix them. Yes, that’s right. Well so many environmentalists leave things up to you, I wont. What can you do about climate change? Under international agreements like the Kyoto Protocol the limits on greenhouse gas emissions are already set, so if you reduce your emissions, it will allow someone else to emit instead. You should still try and reduce your emissions because it’s the right thing to do and will save you money, but that’s not my point. My point is many of these things have to be solved by Governments, and they’re not doing a very good job at it right now.

You can do a lot however. And you should. Too many environmentalists work themselves to the bone, and too many ordinary people do too little. What you should do is what is the right amount for you. Find out about some issues. Figure out what you enjoy. And then go for it! It’s very satisfying to be working positively as a small part towards a greater cause. And the best thing about environmentalism is that it caters for everyone – from gardeners to hardcore activists, policy wonks to technology geeks.

So I hope you feel inspired by my column, not downtrodden. You don’t have to be superman/woman. Just do your bit. If you don’t know what that bit is yet, read on. And attend some shit during Environment Week. It might just change your life.

We need you!

As a former dog person, a fair amount of my childhood was dedicated to laughing at the misfortune of my neighbours’ portly feline, particularly when it attempted anything akin to running. But now sitting comfortably on the settee with three overweight balls of kitty squeezed onto the one cushion beside me, I can’t help but wonder—how the fuck did this happen?

Adjusting from athletic canine owner to apathetic cat minder was a bit of a culture shock. When I was 14, Mrs Bennet decided, without proper consultation, to rescue a timid kitten from the Cats Protection League. Adding insult to injury, a then-12-year-old Atticus decided to name the ridiculous creature ‘Princess Tinkerbell’. For the next six weeks, we spent hours attempting to coax Princess Tinkerbell, or my no-nonsense moniker of ‘Kitty’, out from under beds, in cupboards, and behind drawers. Clearly, like a first-born child, your first cat is an experiment. A second cat was needed to ensure we were not failures as parents.

‘Princess Mittens of the Cabbage Patch’ was a welcomed addition to the household, even if Atticus was trusted to name it. Again. Another rescued animal, Cabbage, hails from the Maori Focus Unit at Rimutaka Prison and spends most of her time attempting to escape out of windows at home. Ha! Irony! But after an unfortunate encounter with an SUV, Cabbage became that ‘three-legged cat from down the road’. Sure, we still love the adorable little moron, but let’s face it; she’s not exactly a ‘real’ cat.

In the years that followed, Mrs Bennet added ‘Daisy’, ‘Thackeray Binx’, ‘Gizmo’, ‘Annie’, and ‘Princess Alice from the Palace’ to our itty bitty kitty committee. Daisy and Gizmo both have a strong aversion for plastic bags while Binx is our intellectually stunted uncle we don’t talk about. Annie’s my clever little protégée and has an obsession with putting red McDonalds straws in her water bowl. And Alice from the Palace? Well, I took one look at the little bastard and informed Mrs Bennet Alice was actually an ‘Alex’. It wasn’t until I pointed out his testicles that Mrs Bennet sat back with a decided “Oh, shit.”

He now leads a comfortable life under the name ‘Mr Bingley’.

But looking back, it wasn’t enough to label us crazy cat ladies. Certainly we don’t use the cats as missiles or let them roam free. No sir, they are lazy house cats who expect regular feedings and affection. Sigh. Geoffrey, however, was the tipping point. A scraggly stray who hung around the property, Mrs Bennet began feeding him a little over two years ago. His weight improved but his behaviour was atrocious, often swiping our delicate female felines with his dirty paws. After explaining to my mother that “No! Thou shalt not neuter the resident stray!” I returned home one evening to find poor Geoffrey had sneakily undergone the procedure. To make matters worse, his owners gave him a hot pink collar. Yes, owners.

You know, I’m willing to bet a dog person doesn’t have to deal this kind of shit.

On the eve of the World Cup final, Paul and Webb would each prepare in their own individual ways. Paul was brimming with confidence with a 100 per cent prediction success rate at the tournament. However, he was also under intense pressure after predetermining Germany’s semi-final fate against Spain; the expected Spanish victory resulted in widespread calls for Paul to become calamari. The tentacled oracle was promised bodyguard protection by Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero to ensure his safety. With German newspaper Westfälische Rundschau whipping up a frenzy by labeling Paul a “Traitor”, he was a marked mollusk in his Aquarium Sea Life tank in Oberhausen. Argentine chef Nicolas Bedorrou threatened on Facebook that “We will chase him and put him on some paper. We will then beat him (but correctly!) in order to keep the meat tender and then put it in boiling water.” Paul backed the Iker Casillas-led Spaniards to triumph over the Dutch and vowed to retire after the final.

Referee Howard Webb proclaimed it “an honour” to be officiating the final of the tournament. That was obviously before he walked into one of the most bruising games of the World Cup finals. Webb, taking courage from Paul’s resistance to threats, had to deal with his own on-pitch violence as the Oranje served up their version of anti-football. Nigel de Jong fulfilled the fantasies of thousands of angry footballers when he actually attempted a kung-fu kick to the opposition, planting his studs in Xabi Alonso’s chest. It was impressive, ridiculous, and inexplicably only earned him a yellow card. Webb’s hand-to-pocket reflexes were a testament to the obvious preparation he had put in prior to kick off, brandishing fourteen yellow cards throughout the course of the match. After the game, Webb admitted that it was the most difficult two hours of his career. “I am physically and emotionally drained,” he spluttered.

At times, this World Cup failed to live up to expectations, but the bald-headed duo have provided plenty of talking points for the round-the-water-cooler morning banter. Webb and Paul have both ensured that for the next four years, Spain will reign in a mist of yellow and red.

I was late. I copped a grumpy glare from Sarah and sat down just in time to learn that Fraser Pearce had caught up with the rest of the self-employed world by correctly formatting his work report. He expertly diffused the tension this could have caused by asking why the VUWSA kitchen wasn’t kept tidy. No one cared.

Steven Joyce’s visit dominated the majority of the meeting. However, it seemed most of what he said was a reiteration of government policy. Joyce apparently made a stronger statement about non-academic service fee increases being used to circumvent fees ceilings. He also made noises about linking university funding to job outcomes—because, of course, that’s what tertiary education’s about anyway.

Max Hardy moved quickly on to his report, announcing that provisional replacements for the roles of Education Advisor and Rep Groups Coordinator have been found (subject to reference checks). He mentioned that the Education Advisor will play a bigger (surprisingly enough) advisory role in the future, with more engagement of student representatives. Both roles are anticipated to be finalised and fulfilled in the next few weeks.

From September 1st to October 14th, some VUWSA staff and exec members will be without an office due to construction activity. Salient suspects they will try to find temporary offices in the new Alan McDiarmid building. A draft of the relationship between VUWSA and the Victoria Broadcasting Trust (VBT), the organisation that funds the VBC 88.3FM, was presented. In its current draft, the agreement is morally binding—the VBT is interested in making it legally binding. Expect further updates in the coming weeks.

In national news, the NZUSA conference was a great “networking” opportunity for Max. Caitlin’s workshop went really well too. Max stank out the VUWSA delegation’s hotel room by disinfecting his gross toe in a glass of Dettol. He has antibiotics now so that’s ok. He’s also getting his insulation checked, and Seamus Brady pointed out that they need a bathmat.

Really, this was one of the less arduous meetings I’ve sat through. Bonus points to everyone for not letting work report debriefings drag on three times longer than they need to. No updates on either the poker tournament or faith week. I’m assuming that both are still happening, or that they’ve spontaneously combusted in a puff of bureaucracy. Either way, the lack of their mention kept the running time just under an hour. Congratulations, guys.

Hey everyone!

Hope your first week back was awesome! OMG! The start of trimester is soooo much fun! Apart from waiting in line for ages at Vic Books. That’s pretty shit. And wasting one whole lecture going through the course outline. But apart from that, good fun!

Class Representatives

Hopefully by this time your class would have picked a class representative. If not you should get onto your lecturer about it as they are an important part of representation here at Victoria. Making sure you and your classmates get the most out of your pingaz! If you have signed up to be a class rep, thanks! And we hope to see you at one of our trainings soon. If you have any doubts, questions or comments about the process give me an email—evp@vuwsa.org.nz

VUWSA Alternative Student Guide

So fingers crossed by the time you read this the VASG will be getting designed and soon will be off at the printers. Thank you to all the 100 level students who filled out these surveys. We have had some really great feedback from you all and all the lecturers who were surveyed have been contacted and most of them, with the exclusion of a few departments who I think want to kill me, have been really interested in your feedback and will be taking it on board for next year.

The VASG will be launched on August 27th, which is Study at Vic day, so look around for it when you come back to school (as it is released during the mid trimester break) or we will have a pdf version of out website.

VUWSA By-Election

Keep an eye out to see who is running in the VUWSA by-election and make sure you vote for someone (or no confidence if you’re more of a fan). VUWSA is YOUR Students’ Association, so you should make sure your voice is being heard!

On another note, make sure you all get involved in Environment Week; even if you have an argument that is so powerful you don’t need to talk about, create some controversy and get involved! Zack has organised some really awesome events to raise awareness on Environmental issues.

Until next time lovelies!

<3 Bridie

The future looks bright once more for the New Zealand Warriors. The seemingly inherent erratic nature of the Warriors has come to the fore again this season, with some stellar performances being cancelled out by some absolute shockers. However, four top-notch wins on the trot has breathed new life into a once faltering NRL campaign.

A gutsy 12–6 win over the high-flying Panthers showed the fighting spirit of the young side, backing up from a dazzling 34–6 demolition of the hapless Parramatta Eels. The ability to back up victories with continued solid performances is a feat which has so often eluded the Warriors, and thus this purple patch holds great promise.

Even in the face of terrible luck with injuries and refereeing this year, the Warriors have managed to haul themselves right back into contention for the top eight, lying sixth after 16 rounds. The excellent form shown in the last month means the Warriors are in a prime position to have a genuine tilt at the title, provided consistency and solidarity continue to be prioritised.

Despite the recent retirement of influential ex-skipper Steve Price, and the departure of equally respected centre Brent Tate at the season’s end, the predominantly young side looks certain to be a force in future years. The signings of Kiwi utility Krisnan Inu and blockbusting Tongan Feleti Mateo, along with the re-signing of workhorse Michael Luck, gives the Warriors a strong base of talent to work from. Management are also confident of luring big-hitting Kiwi centre Steve Matai to Auckland—a signing which would really bolster the midfield stocks.

At around the midway point of the NRL, the tussle for finals places already looks set to go down to the wire, with an ever-even competition shaping up. Only two points separate positions four through nine, meaning that a single victory could end up defining a club’s season. Hence the Warriors must also be aware of point differential, with the likes of the dangerous Rabbitohs, Broncos and Sea Eagles breathing down their necks.

The victory over the Panthers comprised all of the aspects crucial to the Warriors’ success—refs, injuries and consistency. The refereeing was well below par, with the Warriors forced to combat the likes of a lopsided penalty count, a disallowed try and a dubiously awarded try to the Panthers (their only score!). The bruising nature of defending wave after wave of Panthers attack also means that there are yet more injury concerns for next game. Hopefully, however, the overriding factor will be that the Warriors can maintain their current form, and continue to fight to the end.

Could this be a year to cherish?

Watery, tasteless and uncreative beer is, unfortunately, usually very available and very affordable here in New Zealand. Actually, that is also the case in most countries around the world. But probably the nation most well-known for its insipid beer is America.

Budweiser and Miller are very popular beer brands in the United States, associated with sports teams, sports events, and often drunk by the cooler characters in movies, books and television shows. These brands have also been turning up in New Zealand, on and off, during the past year or two.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but these beers are almost indistinguishable in flavour from one another, and from the pale lagers brewed by the mainstream breweries here in New Zealand. The big American breweries have such a reputation for the style they inspired a Monty Python joke about sex and a canoe.

But watery beers also inspired the craft brewing renaissance in the United States. Positive they could make better tasting beer than the big brewing corporations, home brewers started brewing beer with creativity and flavour, and opened their own craft breweries to sell beer in their local regions.

One of the largest craft breweries in the US of A is Rogue Ales, producing almost 4 million litres per year. This rivals the volume produced by some of the mega-breweries in New Zealand—the main difference being that Rogue has managed to achieve this output without compromising on quality. A wonderful example of this is St Rogue Dry Hopped Red Ale (5.2%). It combines six different malts to achieve a deep red colour, and a complex and unique malt flavour. Dry hopping gives this beer a big citrusy hop character, which plays well with the malts.

Rogue recently started an offshoot brewery under a different label in a city famous for athletics: Eugene. Aptly, this brewery is named ‘Tracktown’ and was built on the site of the very first brewery in Eugene. Their flagship beer is Eugene Tracktown 200m IPA (6.4%), a classic example of a Northwestern style IPA. A tropical fruit and pine aroma gives this beer away as a hop bomb, which is backed up by an overt passionfruit hop flavour. All this is then overcome by a big hoppy bitterness which lingers forever, begging for another sweet sip.

Flying Dog is one of the few US craft breweries which rivals Rogue’s scale. Flying Dog draw their inspiration from the works of Hunter S. Thompson (of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas fame). The beer which draws on the Hunter S. spirit most obviously is Gonzo Imperial Porter (7.8%). The brewery’s motto is ‘Good Beer, No Shit’ and no shit, this is good beer. Don’t let its tar-like appearance fool you, this beer is hoppy. Licorice and chocolate flavours resonate from the intense roast malt, which works well with the big citrusy American hops that come with it. Much like the works of Hunter S. Thompson, I’d wager that you’ve never experienced anything like this before.

Unusually, in some cases American craft beer is more accessible here in Wellington than it is in many areas of the United States. Make the most of it. While America is undoubtedly the country of origin for some of the world’s worst beers, it’s also the home to many of the best.

P.S. Emerson’s Dunkelweiss is now very much available at Regional Wines and Spirits and all good beer bars—I apologise to those who went looking for the chocolate banana split beer a few weeks back, and were unable to find it. Cheers.

If you have any questions or comments about this week’s beers, you can email us at davethebeerguy@gmail.com or denisethebeergirl@gmail.com.

Kai o Te Aro started about 18 months ago with founding member Charles Barrie, and a collection of Aro Valley residents flowing on from the Transitions Town movement. It started with the Secret Garden, a private patch of land that has been provided for the group. But today there are three separate community gardening plots, with Victoria University providing Kai o Te Aro with two areas for the group to develop into fruit and veggie plots. Although no longer living in the valley, Mr Barrie is still an active driving force of the Kai o Te Aro gardening group.

Te Aro resident and Kai o Te Aro member Lynsey Ferrari says community interest in the group was still strong, with about 140 people on their mailing list, and about 12 actively involved in working bees. Ferrari considers herself the only “granny” in the group, with most of its members being relatively young—around 20 to 50—made up of mainly students flatting in the area and working professionals. Despite being one of the senior members of the group, she says she is probably learning more from them than the other way around in terms of different aspects of gardening, including soil maintenance and compost building.

She says a main aim of Kai o Te Aro is “building community and giving people confidence”, by educating each other on how to best grow things in Wellington, as well as things such as permaculture and seed saving. In their three garden sites, they have planted a variety of vegetable and herb plants as well as fruit trees. But having only been established for a couple of years, Kai o Te Aro is still in the development stage with members constantly learning .

“The whole point of it really is to start co-op gardens where people can work alongside each other, learn about growing vegetables, seed saving, building compost, worm farms and getting rid of food waste,” she says.

“It has a strong environmental message, but it also emphasises that you don’t need a huge area to grow gardens. A lot of people grow herbs in pots, and there are a lot of apartments around here that are developing roof gardens—I think that’s a great idea.”

In the early days, a major high for Kai o Te Aro was winning the Australasian section of a competition by international garden supplies company Fiskars, which awarded them with vouchers to spend on gardening products. Ms Ferrari said that prize money was “a wonderful boost” and very instrumental in getting Kai o Te Aro off the ground.

New people are always welcome to get involved with Kai o Te Aro. They hold a working bee on the third Sunday of each month, meeting at the Aro Valley Community Centre, 48 Aro Street, at 12pm. Every month, Kai o Te Aro also holds a pot luck dinner, held at a different member’s house each time, when they have their monthly meetings. People wanting to get involved in the community gardens can either come along to one of the working bees or email their interest to arogardener@gmail.com.

“We’d be delighted if people with more local gardening knowledge could come along and advise or help us,” Ferrari says.

Salient is jumping on the octopus bandwagon. Everyone’s been talking about Paul, but what about the other octopuses? How do the feel about Paul getting all the attention? What about them? It isn’t fair. There are other famous octopuses. But how do they stack up?

The colossal squid at Te Papa: 0/8

It’s not even an octopus. It’s not even that big. It looks like it’s rotting. It’s a major let down. Straight out zero. If you haven’t been to Te Papa to see it, you’re not missing much. Trust me.

The girl with lots of legs: It would be distasteful to rate her out of 8

A human octopus, some say. She is believed to be a deity.

Henry the Octopus from The Wiggles: 3/8

Henry wears a boater hat. This is about all he has going for him. I mean, he’s wasting his time with The Wiggles. They make him wear a checked suit. I suggest he goes to Germany and shacks up with Paul. Then he’ll know the true meaning of fame.

Henry the Hexapus: 7/8

Kia ora to my friend who was googling “famous octopus”—his search yielded this chap, Henry the HEXapus. That’s right, he’s got SIX legs. So he’s not technically an octopus. I don’t care, because he’s named after Henry VIII, who had six wives. An aquarium spokesperson called Henry “a lovely little thing”.

Octopussy, as in the character from James Bond: 5/8

Pussy jokes aside, Octopussy’s dad studied octopuses, hence her nickname. She was a jewel smuggler. Anyway, she scores Bond in the end, so I guess that’s all that matters. But she’s not actually an octopus, so only 5 outta 8. And what’s this about an octopus cult?

The baby dressed as an octopus: 8/8

That’s right, a baby dressed as an octopus. A baby dressed as a pink octopus. I hope that one day when I grow up and have babies that I too can find them an octopus outfit. My child would be the coolest kid at kindy. The fact that the outfit would restrict my child’s movement would not matter. My child would be dressed as an octopus. That is awesomeness.

“Famous Octopus Salad Recipe”: 1/8

There are a couple of reasons for giving “famous octopus salad recipe” such a low rating. Firstly, I hate seafood. Can you imagine the texture of fresh octopus? Okay, that just sounds mega dirty. Also, octopuses are really smart. Smarter than most animals. Maybe even smarter than dogs. And would you make a dog into salad? I don’t think so.

While it was clear that the plethora of vans equipped with loudspeakers were vehicles of some campaign, the stark difference in how the Japanese campaign, compared to our own methods, underscores the difficulty in my processing what the campaign was about. In contrast to New Zealand, where the two key campaign mediums are billboards and television, from an outside perspective the Japanese seem to have a much more intensive approach, which sees the political parties hitting the streets in person and en masse, while placing little importance on the visual advertising methods our political parties rely so heavily upon.

The aforementioned vans number in the thousands across the country and are armed with four loudspeakers apiece, which are cranked well past 11. Each van contains a team comprised of one or two speakers who are presumably the members of each political party, who for the most part speak with a fervent energy and an applaudable capacity to utter an incredible amount of words in between breaths. On top of the speakers, and probably one of the most striking aspects of the whole ordeal, are the few per team whose job it is to simply wave, in a manner that is almost mechanical, and in some instances, comical. Case in point—while exploring the back streets of Nagoya, one such van was on the move doing sweeps of the side streets, and these wavers persisted with their designated action despite their shaking hands being met only with empty sidewalks and concrete walls.

The election itself saw the ruling party, The Democratic Party of Japan (DPJ), lose much of the advantage they gained in their landslide victory in the election for Japan’s House of Representatives last September. This has resulted in the DPJ-led coalition losing the majority they need within the House of Councillors to ensure legislation sees easy passage through the upper house. The House of Representatives election had been a historic one as it had seen the defeat of the centre-right Liberal Democratic Party (LDP), who have held power in Japan almost exclusively throughout the party’s 55-year existence before being defeated by the DPJ in 2009. These most recent elections were the people’s first judgment on the new DPJ-Kokumin Shinto (People’s New Party) coalition, and have illustrated resounding disappointment in the latest government’s efforts.

Originally elected on a promise to reduce the high levels of government spending in association with tax cuts to the working population, the latest election result can be somewhat attributed to Prime Minister Naoto Kan’s pre-election taboo of suggesting a possible hike in Japan’s 5 per cent consumption tax (GST); a move which might have been made under a naïve assumption that the Prime Minister was still working within a honeymoon period. After all, Kan only assumed power on 8 June, following the resignation of previous Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama, who stood down after only 8 months in power.

It is this instability within leadership which has eventuated in the abysmal result for the DPJ-led coalition, and not specifically the suggestion of a hike in consumption tax, aimed at paying off the national debt while financing growing social welfare costs exacerbated by the country’s aging population.

Former Prime Minister Hatoyama began his short reign in power with a high approval rating, but suffered a rapid fall in popularity following financial scandals, and the inability to deliver on the high expectations the DPJ had created in the September 2009 House of Representatives election. Most significantly, Hatoyama reneged on his campaign promise to relocate the Futenma US Marine Corps Air Station to a less populated location than the islands of Okinawa, where they have been based since the end of World War II. The decision to retain the base at its current location was made with US President Barack Obama in the wake of the alleged North Korean attack on the South Korean naval vessel, Cheonan, but the decision was widely unpopular within Japan.

Hatoyama’s fall from power is not an anomaly however, exemplified by the fact that the current Prime Minister Kan is the country’s fifth since 2006. So, while the Japanese people have signified their dissatisfaction as illustrated by the results of the recent election, Kan still holds power and it is crucial he ensures stability within government if the DPJ hope to win a second term in the next House of Representatives elections. Superficially, Japan is incredibly successful in creating the façade of stability within its own borders, but further changes in leadership, and another change in government could see this façade permanently compromised.

I practically lived off toasties these past holidays; they’re quick and easy to make, fill you up, and are so versatile—throw whatever’s left in the fridge between two slices of bread, and you’re good to go. Well, within reason. That could probably make a good game actually—finding the worst combo and daring your friends to eat it…

Until I saw it first-hand, it had not occurred to me that one can make toasties without using a toastie-maker. Seems simple enough once you know about it, but in case (like me) you’d never thought about it, I thought I’d share the method today.

Make a sandwich of your ingredients, and butter the outside faces of bread or give them a spritz of cooking spray. Cook them using a pan or fryer over medium heat. When the bottom side is golden, flip it over and cook the other side. Flattening the toastie with a fish slice sometimes helps too. When the second side is golden, they’re done.
Simple, no?

Food Tip of the Week: When using bacon, roll the package before opening it. It helps separate the individual slices.

It was so important to make sure I had 5+—especially while preganant—and the same with the flatties (because they’re always at risk of eating a meat-only diet), so I developed these ‘ere ideas to squeeze them into everything…

• Use fruit creatively while baking. Muffins are a good way to start, but there are cake recipes calling for beetroot, instead of eggs and milk; how about mashed banana instead of eggs?
• Grate carrot into EVERYTHING. Mince, soup, casserole, stir fry, EVERYTHING.
• Base your pasta sauces with canned tomato.
• Keep mushrooms on hand. Yes, they can get expensive, but cooking mushrooms just feels so easy (and tasty), so you’re more likely to have ‘em for breakfast or dinner, instead of a bag of chips.
• Buy apples/pears. If you don’t eat them during the week, at the end of the week chop them up and put them into a casserole dish with a bit of water and sugar. Top with mixed butter, oats, flour and sugar, and bake to have nummy crumble. This way you never waste.
• If you’re a fan of dried fruit, put some in a jar in your bag, so when you’re famished you have something to nosh on.
• Every time you eat eggs, cook up spinach or mushrooms with them.
• Develop a foolproof potato recipe. No one turns down wedges. And wedges are good for you! Potatoes are tops. Baked potato is easy and yum, for example.
• When cooking with meat or tofu, only choose recipes which require at least two veges to be cooked with them. It’s easier when everything is all cooked together.
• It’s easy to steam broccoli or cauli above your boiling rice/potato/pasta. Breadcrumbs + garlic + butter tossed with cooked broccoli is amazing.
• Be comfortable to admit that you just don’t like some veggies. Don’t buy what you won’t eat, and don’t feel bad for it. Having a good buzz about healthy food is half the battle.
• Explore curry—it’s not that hard to cook and you can easily smuggle capsicum, potato, tomato, mushroom, and carrot in there.
• Replace rice or pasta with mashed potato. Mash some cauliflower, carrot, kumara or pumpkin into it—explore what tastes good. Kumara and feta mash is a solid favourite in café culture, usually with salmon or eggs.
• Aim to have three meat-free dinners, and one egg and dairy free day a week. This will force you to explore your options, and keep your bills down.

Good luck! Let me know how y’all get on, this is a hard one for many, but so worthwhile. Your body will love you.

Beetroot chocolate cake

1 large beetroot
Unsweetened apple sauce, or cooked blended apple
1 tsp. vanilla essence
1 tsp. apple cider vinegar (or normal vinegar)
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup white flour
1/2 cup cocoa
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tbsp cornstarch/corn powder
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
Chocolate chunks or frozen berries (optional)

Peel and dice beetroot. Place the pieces in a saucepan with water to cover. Boil until soft, then drain and cool (or use 1 tin drained beetroot).

Put the drained beets into the food processor with 1/4 cup (clear) water, and process until pureed.

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Oil or spray your cooking pan(s).

Put the pureed beets into a 2-cup measure. Add enough apple sauce to reach the 2-cup line—if you have 2 cups of beetroot then you don’t need the apple. Add 2 tablespoons water, vanilla extract and apple cider to the beets and mix well.

Mix the dry ingredients together, then add the beet mixture and stir until well-mixed. Stir in berries and/or chocolate if you like.

Bake for 35 minutes in two shallow pans, and you’re looking at a 30min cooking time. Test by inserting a toothpick into the center; it’s done when the toothpick comes out clean.

Allow to cool completely before cutting and serving. Ice with chocolate icing and stack it so it’s double layered.

My wardrobe mainly consists of my mother and grandmother’s old clothes, which is why I like recycled trends. However, it is with morbid curiosity that my friend noted that The Nanny’s bold attire is now filtering into fashion. Furthermore, it was to my horror that I witnessed an ankle-length denim skirt in a shop window just the other day. Just because they happened once doesn’t mean they should again.

50s ladylike lengths and curves are in full swing for women thanks to a little nudge from Prada and Louis Vuitton. Old school class is the ‘new modesty’, just leave the dishwashing gloves under the sink.

For Mad Men, classic never dates. Suiting up casually by showcasing one or two aspects each time, such as cufflinks, a blazer, a hat, or Brogues is worth a try. Patterns and checks are big as in Michael Patterson’s collection, which gives a lot more to work with.

It may seem odd for most of you that recent trends have already done a lap in our own youth. Some things that are allowed out of the 90s, such as leggings, are tamer after their first exposure. Leotards have also made the move from statement to staple.

For the guys the white t-shirt is still predominant. Thanks to designers like Federation, the statement tee is popular as are tops of various lengths and fabrics. Black is back as in Kris van Assche’s collection, along with layering in Sacai’s. Winter coats work best in charcoal and black in the duffer style. Jackets are still all about the leather. Cardigans, beanies, and knits are comfortably an easy trend.

The feminine ‘pony club’ revival was sparked locally by Ruby Boutique. Jodhpurs, blouses, boots and blazers will win most bets. Following the hunt, fur is making a come back, faux or no. Furthermore picnic scenes are on the rise following the publicity of Alice In Wonderland, so we can expect to see a lot more sweetheart bodices and mad hats.

Yet why is it that after I leave school, uniforms become cool? I don’t think I mind the crest blazers and high socks. With Dad as my inspiration, I’ve always been a fan of geek chic. It now seems local brands like Lonely Hearts are too. Expect to see a lot more ankle socks, top buttons and awkward lengths through your retro glasses.

Geometry and structure are making a comeback with designers like Dion Lee interpreting our digital age. Stiff fabrics have the ability to awaken old and new aesthetics. Prints like Cybele’s are going to flourish. Pants like Richard Nicoll’s can be serious business or casual. Blazers are still important and can become bigger or looser with white being the picked favourite for summer.

I began to think that these skills and crafts may appeal to younger generations. Maybe they would be a fun way for us to reconnect with older generations, learn valuable skills and learn how to live with less money and less of a carbon footprint. This really excited me, maybe we could find a way for people to have fun and make stuff that also has real environmental and social benefits.

My great grandad used to make his own alcohol. When I visited recently we walked through his huge garage, still full of brewing supplies. How many students would be keen to learn the ancient art of brewing, I thought? He’s 90, still has a thriving vegetable garden, two sheep out the back and numerous fruit trees, all in an urban area. He is a wealth of self-sufficiency skills and knowledge. Similarly, how many of us would love to make good tasting meals for a fraction of the cost? I bet there is a wealth of knowledge within our grandparents, who grew up during times when living frugally was not an environmental choice but a necessity.

There are so many things that any of us can do: making soap, growing our own food, making and mending our own clothes, knitting, even spinning our own wool! But what we need is the people to teach us these skills, and what better way to learn than from our grandparents, many of whom are left alone in their old age. I once tried to teach myself to make jam and preserves one weekend mum was away, and while I did have some success, I certainly had an improved product with my mum beside me to show me the real tricks of the trade she had learnt from her grandmother. These skills are also likely to be very useful in the future with the encroaching threat of peak oil and continued economic recession, who knows what we will need to do for ourselves?
Nanatech is a collaborative organisation which I’ve helped establish that has sprung out of these thoughts and musings. Nanatech aims to bring together young people with older people. To reconnect people with skills and how much fun making your own things can be, while beating consumerism and aiding environmental and social causes. Could it get any better?

Nanatech is currently a low-key group that is expanding through a website resource, events and workshops in Wellington. We are aiming to provide a way for young people to digitally interact with the skills of the past, with people’s stories and practical information on how to make things. Watch this space, the website is under development but the blog is up and running and is actively updated with posts from our contributors.

We also want to provide workshops and events so that we can all meet each other and learn from each other’s skills. Our very first Nanatech workshop will be held during this Environment Week! We are offering anyone interested a chance to come and learn how to knit and participate in a guerilla knitting project to beautify the winter urbanscape with colour. Because crafts can be radical as well as practical! The details are below:

A Nanatech Workshop: How to Knit (and Guerilla Knit!)
TUESDAY 20TH JULY
Student Union Building
Meeting Room One
1pm-3pm (You don’t have to come for all 2 hours though.)
Some knitting needles and yarn available, bring your own if you can!

Abortion. If you read the women’s issue of Salient earlier this year, you may have noted we devoted quite a bit of time covering the topic, the problems with New Zealand’s current abortion legislation, and the implications this has for women seeking an abortion.

We had an interesting response to the stories we printed—both guys and girls wrote in commenting they had no idea about the process involved in getting an abortion, and the legal hurdles that had to be overcome. As expected, pro-life advocate Ken Orr from the Right to Life lobby group added his two cents on the Salient website, not to mention an entire post on the Right to Life website was devoted to their response to the articles run by Salient.

Abortion will forever be a contentious issue. It will always divide opinions. There will always be those who will oppose women having access to safe, legal abortions. There will always be those who will oppose women having the right to make their own choices when it comes to their reproductive health. The emotive nature of the abortion debate has made legislators—i.e. parliament—reluctant to touch the issue. Such reluctance has not only prevented law reform, it has also prevented informed, constructive debate about the future of New Zealand’s abortion laws.

Labour party MP Steve Chadwick’s recent proposal to introduce a law to legalise abortion is a bold, and necessary, step in the right direction for the reform of New Zealand’s outdated legislation. Chadwick is currently trying to assess support for such a bill to be introduced to parliament. Her bill would see abortion taken out of the Crimes Act, and instead considered as a health matter, with women legally able to access an abortion up to 24 weeks into their pregnancy.

Furthermore, under Chadwick’s proposal, women who choose to have an abortion would be encouraged to do so earlier in pregnancy, and there would be increased access to medical (non-surgical) abortions. If Chadwick’s proposal takes flight and gets the required support, it would bring New Zealand law in line with that in Victoria, where abortion was decriminalised in 2008. According to data from the United Nations, 67 per cent of developed countries have abortion on demand. Surely it’s time for New Zealand to catch up with Victoria and other developed countries?

It’s time New Zealand had an informed, reasonable discussion about abortion. We can’t keep on pushing the issue to the sideline—the ‘deal with it later’ mantra isn’t exactly an effective policy option. We live in a liberal, secular society. We are a country that promotes human rights and personal freedoms. And yet we still have a 30-year-old law that prevents women from making the choice to have an abortion. Women should have a right to make that choice. Women should have the right to seek a safe, legal abortion. Women should have autonomy over their own reproductive health.

It’s our sex-themed issue this week. We’re not just dealing with the act itself, but also various issues associated with it—contraception, the sex industry, sexuality. There’s only so much we can cram into 56 pages, but we hope you find it an interesting read. There’s some pretty meaty issues to mull over, discuss and debate. Sex means different things to different people—there’s no right or wrong way to do it, and there’s no right or wrong view on it. Whatever you think or feel, be proud of your views, and stand by them.

P.S. Don’t forget to get your nominations in for Academic Idol! For more details see page 21.

For only a few of you, welcome to Victoria. For most of you, welcome back.

Where have all the new people gone?
Normally we would be welcoming many new students to Victoria at this time of the year. This trimester however there will not be any new domestic undergraduates. More than 1300 people who would otherwise have come to University were denied admission, because the Government said it would not fund them and the University decided it could not afford them. There was exceedingly little notice. Spare a thought for those who have had their plans of study ruined or put on hold by careless planning.

Reorientation
Even though we don’t have many new students we are still holding a Re-Orientation to welcome you back to Victoria. VUWSA and the VBC have sorted a solid week of events from gigs to speed dating. Check this issue of Salient and the VUWSA website or Facebook fan page for more information

VUWSA By-Election
Some positions were not filled last year at the general election, so we are holding a by-election. Nominations are now open for the positions of:

• Vice-President (Administration)
• Vice-President (Education)
• Queer Officer
• International Officer
• Publications Committee Representative

You are welcome to get in touch if you want more information about any of the positions. Being on the VUWSA Executive is a rewarding experience and is about representing the views and interests of all students. You can make very real positive change for students at Victoria in these roles so I would encourage you to think about nominating yourself.

Student Services Levy – What should VUWSA’s Position be? Let us know.
VUWSA wants to know what you think about the Student Services Levy, what services it should fund and how much it should be.

There is a bit of background for this one.

Last year the Student Services Levy, which is levied by the University, was increased significantly. This is because the services it covers are no longer funded partly by your course fees and the government grants. The Levy in 2010 is $510 for on campus students and $326 for distance students.

Although VUWSA vigorously opposed this decision, because it meant that students had to pay more for the same services, it signed a Memorandum of Understanding with the University to ensure students would have a say in the Levy and how it was allocated.

The result of that agreement was that the Student Services and Amenities Levy Advisory Committee (SSALAC) was established to allow for collaboration between the University and students (through VUWSA).

The Committee has a proposal for the 2011 Levy. To keep it simple, the proposal is to limit any fee increases to the amount needed to maintain the level of service delivery at the same as it is in 2010. This would lead to an increase in the Student Services Levy by 1 – 3%. The table below shows you what your fees will look like.

Is this the right proposal? We don’t know what you think unless you tell us. You have your chance to let us know now. We will be putting an online survey on the VUWSA website, so please take 5mins to let us know what you think.

From the President’s Diary:

Saturday and Sunday
NZUSA Conference (national study body, working on national representation and advocacy)
Dunedin

Monday
Regular meeting with Salient Editor
11am, VUWSA

Tuesday
Student Union Building Upgrade Developed Design Meeting
11am, CSB
Equity and Diversity Committee Meeting
1pm, TBA
Student Experience Strategy Group
2pm, TBA

Wednesday
Publications Committee Meeting—10am, VUWSA Offices, all students welcome
Meeting with Director of Student Academic Services Pam Thorburn—11am, HU
Address by Minister for Tertiary Education Steven Joyce—12pm
Campus Hub Project Control Group Meeting—1pm, RB
VUWSA Executive Meeting—5.30PM, VUWSA Meeting Room, Level 2 SUB

Thursday
Regular meeting with VBC Directors
10am, VUWSA Offices
Associate-Director Student Support Services, regular meeting about Student Services—11am, KP

Friday
Regular meeting Associate-Director Campus Support Services —9am, WT
Student Services Levy Workshop with Service Managers—3pm, TBA

They say each generation thinks that they’re going to be the last. In ours, predictably, things seem particularly dire: climate change, peak oil, rising inequalities, increasing corporate power, a National-led government.

Historically students have been associated with resistance. We’ve often been first in staging demonstrations, at the forefront of protests and actively involved in political debates. We’ve also been considered as privileged above other sectors of society. Some feel that this privilege makes activism a simple act of rebellion from (frequently) white, (sometimes) spoiled, (variably) rich kids.

Touché, this may often be true, but privilege can also be a reason to be politically active. We have time to drink soy lattes and argue about theories to save the world. We’re completely broke, but that’s because we spent all our grocery-money on beer and tickets to Broken Social Scene. Because of the country we live in, our ancestry and our upbringing, we have been given (or rather: have had the opportunity to pay dearly for) the opportunity to skim-read articles as we to stalk our potential crushes on Faceboo… ahem, I mean: to pursue knowledge.

I’m not saying it’s easy: stats lectures are no frolic on the beach, psych all-nighters are no romantic picnic, but still. We have time to learn and we have time to be politically active. Here you inform me (politely) that I’m incorrect: you’re a student-single-parent; you have to, for varying reasons, fight to stay in the university system; your obsessive watching of True Blood leaves you no time for maintaining adequate personal hygiene, let alone activism.But you could try, if you wanted to. At least: I want to. That’s what this column is all about: trying to be politically active in everyday life. Not just chaining yourself to trees, throwing your shoes at world leaders and embassies, or pieing the CEO of BP in the face (there is a global pieing movement; google ‘Biotic Baking Brigade’ if you don’t believe me), but less dramatic forms of action too. Activism can encompass those everyday actions and thoughts which challenge oppressive power structures, a definition which expands the activist net further. Notice that many academics would be included in this definition.

In our isolated, i-phone’d, ‘I’-centric lives we’re not used to active democracy extending beyond voting. We get angry about our crap ETS, about the Gaza Flotilla massacre, about GST rises and off-shore oil exploration, but it’s difficult to bridge to action beyond e-petitions. This should come as no surprise; if we’re brought up in a society that encourages complacency, then hey, we’re gonna be complacent.

So let’s try it out: street art, guerrilla gardening, autonomous communities, permaculture, social movements, protests, radical academia, creative protesting… there’s a 50 cent mixture of activist opportunities out there, waiting to be savoured. I’m not promising anything, but I think it might be fun.

Welcome back my weary wanderers to these dazzling pages of futures told and lives changed. As you will no doubt remember, the stars, my usual port of call when diving through the clouded pond of what is to come, are not being forthcoming.

They don’t like me anymore.

Me and the astral bodies are no longer friends. We are no more on speaking terms. Which is unfortunate. Not my fault. I didn’t no anything. I’m not the one who went around spreading venomous untruths about me. I DIDN’T DO THAT. DID I, EMMA? Oh no no no no. Did I? No. I didn’t tell everyone about that time with the pickle, did I? Or the ice cream cake incident. Eh? Didn’t talk about those? Did I? No. See, I have a little thing called tact. Ever heard of it?

Didn’t think so.

Look. I know you’ve had a hard life and things don’t work out the way that perhaps they should have but did you really have to go to running to all the astral bodies? Did you really have to tell them about… that thing?

Shhh. Shut up. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need your hateful lies like missiles of deceit they are.

Anyway.

So, the stars won’t talk to me. End of story. We now must explore different ways of telling the future. This week we will be using that most ancient and venerated of techniques; hair colour analysis.

It must be firmly stated that we are discussing your true hair colour, not whatever bottled hue you have shoveled onto your scalp in the mundane hope that somehow changing your dank, insipid locks to some painful electric blue will change your life or make you funny or shade you interesting or stop that big gnawing hole of self-doubt that tears through your soul more and more everyday until you give up sleeping with pillows because of the massive spike in your power bill due to you having dry the tears out of it every single fucking day of your fucking life. So, we are talking about what colour you hair would be if you washed that gunk out of furry skull cover.

Proto-follicalist pre-pigmentary post-visualisation as the boffins call it is a surprisingly and alarmingly accurate form of future telling. Prepare to have your mind blown by the sheer and precise accuracy of the information that is about to textually occur in front of your readie eyes.

Let us start with you blondies out there. At 12:23pm on this Tuesday you will have an epiphany while tying your shoelaces. You will decide to become properly vegetarian. No more of this half-vegetarianism. In the bin for all your “I’m a moral vegetarian, but meat is just delicious and I know I shouldn’t but I do feel really bad about it.” As if that changes anything. This is a good thing. You should look forward to it. I know I am. Your life will shift. Animals will suddenly flock to you and love you. Every day after this Tuesday you will be awoken by a glorious choir of the most angelic and not at all annoying birds. Your health will wildly improve. You will be able to breath and feel emotions uncynically or ironically again. So, enjoy your meat tomorrow morning. Because it will be your last and then you will finally become a good person.

Now, red heads, you’re all in for an interesting week. On this Wednesday at 8:47am you will witness a fatal car accident. In between sips of your takeaway long black, a blue Honda will run a red light and hit a green Toyota. No one will survive. It will not be your fault, but that won’t stop you blaming yourself. What-could-have-beens will percolate through your brain. You will not speak, well, you won’t say anything of consequence for days. But it’s not all gray clouds and concrete punch. Things will begin to look up. You will fall in love immediately with the police officer who takes your statement after the accident. It will only take a little mild stalking to get them to love you back. We were given communication skills to communicate facts. Not shit. This will be your motto in your post-accident life. You will be shaken and shocked into a constant life long search for veracity. Your campaign with your lovely bit of cop at your side will be a massive success. You will become a superhero journalist and your name will be TRUTH PUNCH because when you PUNCH people they will bleed TRUTH. You must, however, be careful, because with great power comes great opportunity for awesome stunts. As TRUTH PUNCH, you will have a duty to find as many explosions as possible and to walk away from them in slow motion as techno plays. In your TRUTHMOBILE you must perform at least three wicked jumps every journey. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will be wicked cool. So, enjoy your last few days of normality. Oh, and don’t get in any Toyotas.

Now, brown haired people. You know you like to dance. I know you like to dance. Everyone knows. I think it’s the t-shirt that reads ‘You know who likes to dance? I do!’. You really should wear something else. That one is really beginning to smell. So, your dancing is going to get you in trouble. At 1:24am on this Thursday morning while jigging and jiving up a storm at your most favourite of boogie islands the Big Kumera (have you got any self respect?) you will trip and knock over a large, rather angry man’s drink. It will spill not just over him but all over the serial killer knitting circle who were attempting (and failing) to have a quiet night out at the next table. Just as Beyonce’s siren-like voice (we’re talking waking-you-to-stop-you-dying siren not come-to-my-island-please siren) announces that she is something to the effect of that she contains too much bootyliciousness for you or your close relatives, you will have to flee. Because, well, with that jazzy stumble, trip and drink-up-turn, your life as you know it is over. You will have to go on the run. You’ll be a fugitive. Like in that film. The Fugitive. You will need to be ready. You will, when you go dancing on Wednesday night, need to take the following things with you; fake passports from at least three different countries (two non-European), an off-road capable vehicle with a full tank of petrol, two blades (one concealable), one bullet proof vest and more tinned soup than you could ever hope to consume (good for bartering surprisingly). While it may be somewhat spasmodically unwieldy to carry. While people may mock your wildly overstuffed back pack (and believe me you can fit a Ute into a back pack. I have done it so you should be able to.) but it is a necessity to survive your new on-the-run life style. How you will dance with your world on your back is another question and one not for here. Sorry.

This week will be one of routine for the black haired amongst us. You will awake at 7:51am everyday. You will get out of bed at 8:02am after failed attempts at 7:54am and 7:59am respectively everyday. You will shower from 8:05am to 8:11am everyday. You will breakfast (tea and toast and tea) from 8:21am to 8:36am everyday. Then you will do nothing. Nada. Zip ah dee doo dah. Because that is your routine this week. Nothing. You will sit in a chair and stare at the wall. You will hum tunelessly to yourself for twelve hours until you need to sleep again. Everyday. No one knows why. Not even you. Well, you’re not even reading this. You won’t read at all this week. So, I can write whatever I want about you this week, you black-haired twat. You know no one likes you? It’s because you smell. You should hear what people say behind your back. They call you ‘Spackleface’ and ‘Krittleshack’. People dance mockery at you when you are not there. There are many secret websites dedicated to the vicious analysis of every single element of your life-style and attitude. No one disagrees that you are the worst kind of scum. Now, if you didn’t get so stuck in your grab-stack routines you would be reading this and you would know. But you won’t so you don’t. Ha.

Hey, baldies. Yes, I know that being bald isn’t a hair colour but you don’t want to be left out do you now? Your hairless week is going to be one of the shiny. Of the superficial. On this Thursday at 2:37pm you are going to catch sight of your own reflection. You will dazzle yourself. You will discover that, in your eyes, you are the most beautiful person in the world. You and your reflection will begin a sordid and passionate affair. Furtive flings in hotel mirrors, secret walks along riversides. You won’t tell your partner about your new found love. They wouldn’t understand and you don’t want to hurt them with the revelation that you’ve found someone better. And that someone is you. You are still fond of them, they’re just not you. You will think that you can keep this up forever. This two-sided love triangle. Of course you can’t. One day your romantic cat’s cradle will explode like a volcano packed full of magma and some more personal fluids erupting all over a stunned neurosurgeon. You and your reflection will become less careful in your passionate rendezvous. Your partner will one day walk in on you and yourself frantically banging away in the living room. There will be no amount of “This isn’t what it looks like” to glue back together your now be-sharded relationship. Then, your relationship will grow tired of you. With the electricity of all the sneaking behind backs gone, you and your reflection’s swinging clinch will dribble down the trouser leg of your souls. You will end up alone. That’s where your shiny and your superficiality will take you. Deal with it.

The biggest problem we all usually have with our bedroom, kitchen and living areas is that even when they’re spotless, it takes no time at all for them to become a mess so large you just can’t be bothered dealing with it (and are likely to lay blame with everyone else you live with). A lot of people think that they are ‘good’ flatmates, but can’t quite quantify why, or use the (incorrect!) phrase “because I’m never home/don’t use the kitchen/lounge…”. So, for you, my Cleo-inspired “Are you a good flatmate?” Quiz…

When I get home I…
1. Come into the common area and say hello to everyone.
2. Go straight to my room.
3. Put my shoes and jacket (and anything else I won’t need now that I’m home) where I store them, then say hello to anyone in the common area regardless of whether I intend to use that space or not.

When I cook, I…
1. I don’t. Our kitchen is an overfilled scum bucket.
2. Clean all of my cooking stuff and the benchtops before I even eat my meal.
3. Often/occasionally do my flatmates’ dishes at the same time as mine, preferably after I’ve eaten but always before other people need to use the kitchen, because I’m not an anal retentive ass and would prefer to pay it forward.

Number 1, it is just as much your responsibility to make a change on as anyone else’s. Number 2 isn’t correct, unless you have a dishwasher, because you’re more likely to waste time doing two sets of dishes (when cleaning what you just ate off), or not do all of your dishes at all. The more you do for your flatmates when it’s convenient for you, the more likely they’ll do the same when you need it, and the less likely you will be nagged…

In the bathroom, I…
1. Check out the shower floor to see if it’s fuzzy or discoloured, so I can go nuts at whoever should clean it this week.
2. Often shave in the sink, but wouldn’t know where the cloths to clean the sink are. (You suck. How would you feel about dealing with someone else’s hairs when you wash your hands? Not even knowing which part of the body they came from? Gross. Get a cloth stashed behind the sink so you can always wipe it down, filthwizard.)
3. Give the bathroom a once over every now and then—it’s easy to clean while waiting for my shaving cream/face mask to be done, and I scam an extra ten minutes in the shower by cleaning it while in there.

Yes, the answer is 3. If you care enough to check the state of the shower floor, odds are that it’s more you that got it that way anyway.

When I’m done with my books/papers/jerseys/clothes I…
1. Put it in an easy place to deal with later.
2. Will deal with it after this other important thing.
3. Put it away because I know that otherwise I’ll have to do a big tidy up later, and having to go back to it will take about three times the amount of time and really piss off everyone else over time.

Don’t be a douchebag. Make your life easier by keeping it tidier and everyone will love ya. Welcome back to uni folks.

:)

“Sometimes I half-expect to see George Clooney in scrubs…”

Monday mornings in winter never fail to garner a collective groan from audiences. Why? Well, perhaps it’s the difficult task of getting from your bed to your shower, perhaps it’s strategically getting on underwear without toppling, or perhaps it’s that panicked five minute couch dive as you search for your elusive car keys. Whatever the reason, society still manages to maintain a scrap of dignity as they stride into their lectures, clutching an extra shot of latte as they furiously try to remember if they turned off their headlights.

This is not the case if you manage to land yourself in hospital by 9.53am.

Maintaining a sense of decorum in a crisis has never been my forte. I excel at making an ass of myself which is why, at 9.27am on a Monday, I found myself immobilised and slightly doped in the back of a Wellington Free Ambulance. Staring at the virginally white ceiling of the station wagon, I sunk into the black abyss of misery; “Why me?” I thought, “Why is this always happening?”

For the record, I don’t make a habit of getting myself into car accidents for the thrills. Actually, it wasn’t even my fault, which pleased both the police and but more importantly, my insurance company. But as I turned off a roundabout I came face-to-face with a car going the wrong way. Moving over to the left, my car was jolted forward as the vehicle behind became more acquainted with my bumper. Noooo! Body lurching forward in my seat, my seatbelt abruptly stopped, sending my early-morning brain nestled in my skull firing back into my headrest. This was only hours after I watched my England crushed unfairly by Germany and that Miroslav Klose. Bloody Wunderkind.

So I did what any other sleep-deprived female would do: cried. After exchanging numbers with both drivers, I had calmed down enough to realise I didn’t have my cellphone, I’d hit my head, and I was wearing yellow pyjamas with green turtle prints. By the time the ambulance arrived, I wished I’d stayed in bed. And when the fire brigade got there, I wished I was dead. Turns out there is nothing more mortifying than wearing turtle pyjamas, a neck collar, and a head brace while being strapped (literally) onto a wooden board to be hoisted onto a stretcher. Adding insult to injury, it was right about now I had to politely ask a paramedic to itch my nose for me.

After receiving a charity dose of morphine en route to Accident and Emergency, I decided sleep was the best course of action. Stumbling my way through giving my personal details, I lay paralysed on a bed. Then I realised I also wasn’t wearing a bra or underwear and I desperately needed to pee. I cried. After Mrs Bennet arrived late (because apparently feeding the cats still remains a priority) and the x-rays were checked out, I went home where the rest of my day consisted of sleep, broken every two hours by Mrs Bennet graciously making sure I was not dead or comatose.

Dignity is a funny thing. I’m not sure I ever had it. But life is so much more satisfying if you can strike fear in the hearts of Lexus owners when you park a fender bender near them.

Candy Badger is Salient’s resident advice guru. If you need any help with relationships, flatting, university or anything else, drop her a line at candy.b.badger@gmail.com.

Here is some hollandaise.

Here is a picture of me.

Now imagine me swimming in the hollandaise.

Hawt.

Candy I need your help.

I Need A Hero

Dear you,
Your dad is a dick! You should egg his house! He’ll never suspect it was you. Your bf sounds like a total babe also. You guys should get married, and invite me instead of your dad. And then when he’s old you should put him in a really shitty resthome. Also, you should definitely have heaps of babies. You two sound like exactly the sort of people who should reproduce.

XOXO
Candy

Hi Candy
 
You recently took part in our Work-life Balance survey and I am delighted to tell you that you have won a 6 month magazine subscription.
 
To collect your prize, please email me your full name, postal address and choice of the below subscription.
 
Cuisine
NZ Fishing
NZ Gardener
NZ House and Garden
Congratulations and we look forward to your participation in our up and coming reader panel activities!

Warm regards,
Helen
mysundayview team

Dear Sunday Star Times,
Shame, you gave a magazine subscription to a Salient columnist with a fake name.
Lolz.
My mum’s really enjoying House and Garden though.
Thanks,
Candy